I walk into the kitchen tongue tied, Allan and I have had countless conversations on the importance of communicating before giving any of our family members money but I seem to fall short each time. Not because I don’t want to tell her but it’s the guilty conscious that eats me up, it’s always my family that seems in need.
‘Your breakfast is almost ready.’ She says not turning to look at me
‘Babe can we talk?’ I ask instead
‘I will be done shortly.’
I know I should be happy that she has agreed to talk to me but the calmness in her voice is scary.
I sit on one of the kitchen chairs and wait for her to finish cooking, she dishes up for me and makes herself a cup of hot chocolate before settling opposite me.
‘You wanted to talk?’ She asks when I am half way through my breakfast
‘I am sorry about earlier.’ I begin putting my cutlery down
She shakes her head
‘You are not Deshawn.’
‘Once it’s a mistake, but doing the same thing over and over again is intentional.’
‘Don’t say that, you know I would never do anything to hurt you intentionally.’
‘Then tell me what that was about.’
I am about to respond when Willie walks into the kitchen.
‘Hey baby.’ She says opening her arms and he gets into them
Willie is a very active child and is usually up before any of us go for work.
She lifts him up and plants kisses on his cheeks which he roughly rubs off and I can’t help but laugh.
He looks at me and opens his arms so that I can lift him.
I met Allan when she was eight months pregnant three and a half years ago, she told me she and the baby’s father had broken up on mutual grounds but he would always be in the child’s life. I actually thought she was joking and that she would tell me what exactly happened as time went by but she has never said a thing, not even any of her family members know the truth behind the breakup and we have all just decided to respect that part of her life. Willie Snr on the other hand true you his word has been constant in his son’s life, he doesn’t communicate with Allan directly which of course is such a relief as his house help has been doing so all these years. He has a good relationship with his son who spends weekends with him but he is too young to take him in and the three of us have built this environment where Willie knows who is who and we love him regardless.
The house help comes in and takes him from me.
‘Allan I know what that looked like but trust me that is not half of what it is.’
‘Deshawn it’s too early, honestly speaking I want to believe whatever you are telling me but it’s hard to do so when you keep making things hard for me. I mean not long ago we were talking about making plans together and now this?’ She asks standing up as she goes to the bedroom
I scratch my head a little when she has gone.
I want to cuss when I walk into the living room and find Shannel sitted on the couch, this is definitely Clarice’s doing.
‘Deshawn.’ She says when she looks at me
‘Shannel what are you doing here?’
‘Please stop being almighty, I didn’t come here for you.’
‘This is my house and I won’t allow guests that I am not comfortable having around.’
She stands up and walks close to where I am
‘Don’t forget that I was her friend before you decided to.’
She doesn’t finish her sentence as Allan has walked in on us, she looks at us before carrying her handbag that was on one of the couches and walks out.
‘Allan wait.’ I yell rushing to her just before she can get into the car
I can see the hurt on her face, I didn’t want this morning to go like this but it looks like somehow I keep messing up things.
‘Listen, I will make it up to you. This morning has gone south and I know that’s not how either of us would have imagined it to go.’
‘Please say something.’
‘I don’t want to be late for work, besides I need to link up with Willie’s dad.’
I raise an eyebrow
‘His help is not okay and I can’t drive to his house, I need to pick up some things for Willie.’
I sigh really hard, honestly I am not comfortable that her baby’s daddy still sends supplies for his son and everything else he needs. I know I signed up for this but I just wish I could do more.
‘Can I go now?’ She asks when I don’t respond
‘Deshawn your sister disrespects me every chance she gets, she has the nerves to invite your ex into our home and you honestly stand in my presence worrying about a man that stands no chance against you?’
‘Oh, so we are in a competition now?’
‘Really? Out of everything I said that’s the only thing you heard?’
‘Deshawn just make sure you go back in there and put your little sister in her place, I have respected you and your people enough but trust I will not hesitate to beat her black and blue if she continues.’
‘You know that’s not necessary.’
She starts the car startling me
‘If you love your feet you will get away from the car.’ She warns
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