I don’t know how many times I have tried to tell my story, but somehow each time I do I either leave it hanging or the person I am telling doesn’t bring it out the way I want it to come out. Maybe I am asking for too much, maybe I should just accept that there will be no one in this world that will ever bring out the emotions like I experienced them but whatever the case, the skeletons have been banging on the closet door and I know it’s that time of the year.
We have been going over this for the past three hours right now, Crispin looks worried as hell and I want to laugh at him but a part of me also wants to be sympathetic because he as planned for this evening for the past three months.
‘Everything will go as planned.’ I tell him going to fix his bowtie
He wipes his hands on his pants and I can tell that nothing I say will make him feel better.
‘Why can’t you come with me?’ he asks burying his head on my chest, I laugh. This is the most stupid thing he has said today and it’s not helping any of us.
‘You have to do this, we have come this far there is no way you are going to back out now.’
‘What if it doesn’t work out?’
‘What if it does?’ I ask with a huge smile on my face
Crispin and I have been having a sexual affair for the past one year now, I met him at a friend’s party with his boys. Up to now I don’t understand what they were doing there because he claims not to know my friend, we had a banter moment and exchanged numbers and that was the genesis of everything. He didn’t once hide the girl he was dating, they had been at it for two years and had a child together. I think he loved her, I didn’t want to think of myself as the girl that made him question his relationship but truth be told the moments we spent together a part of me wondered why he has playing double standards.
‘Is there anything I can do to make you change your mind?’
I shake my head, it’s enough that I am sleeping with someone else’s husband to be I am not about to attend her engagement surprise party.
After kissing him for a bit, I fix his shirt and tell him that he looks perfect. He carries the gift I wrapped, he didn’t know what to buy for her so I went all out and looked for a gift and had it wrapped.
‘Are you okay with all this?’
We have an open relationship and we have always been honest with each other I am not sure why he is asking me this time if I am okay with him proposing marriage to his baby mama.
He kisses me on the lips, looks at me for a few seconds intently and leaves the apartment. When he drives off I pick my clothes and start packing them in my weekender, I know he said that he would find me but I am not about to risk it. What if they are so happy in the celebrations and decide to come home? Yes we have a good thing going, something we both understand and I could never ask for more but there are boundaries that I respect too. When I finish I dress up and leave his house and go back to my apartment in Kabulonga.
‘I thought you wouldn’t be coming back home.’ My roommate Tory says without looking at me, I don’t know why she behaves like we don’t share costs.
‘I am tired Tory, not today.’
‘I would be tired too, after seeing these amazing photos going viral all over social media.’
She places her phone in my face, it’s Crispin and Ernie . They look so perfect together it warms my heart.
‘You are not crying?’
‘What sort of a person are you? Your boyfriend has engaged another woman and you are smiling like a fool.’
The shock on her face makes me laugh.
‘The problem with women like you is that you are entitled, how many times have I told you that Crispin and I have an arrangement? That he can go out there and live his life and I will live mine as long as what we have doesn’t get affected?’
‘So you are telling me that there is no part of you that is affected by all this?’
‘Girl please, let me get myself some ice cream and call it a night.’
I walk to the fridge and get a tub of ice cream then get into bed, find a movie on Netflix and plug airpods in my ears before pressing play. I am half way through the movie when Crispin drops me a text, he is outside and wants to see me. I wear a robe on top of my night dress and go out to meet him.
‘Ba shibwinga.’ I tease once in the car
He smiles, holds my face and kisses me.
‘I missed you.’
‘I missed you too, now tell me how it went.’
I see the light come to his eyes.
‘Better than I expected.’
‘I am happy for you.’
He looks down
‘I am sorry if this is too much for you.’
‘I knew what I was getting into and this doesn’t change anything.’
He kisses me again this time with a smile on his face.