Hay, dios mio (oh my God)
If I have to spend another Valentine day alone, I’ll jump into the nearest volcano. That’s the closest I’ll get to being hot and bothered in a long time because while every human woman is in the jungle getting their spine shrunk by their alien husbands, I’m babysitting.
I’m the last unmarried woman on Ezron. Kira, Nebula, Lamara, Layla, Sarah, Elizabeth, and all the others have a man-- even bitchy Janice has one. I’m 28 years old, and I’ve spent the past four valentines eating fruits with toddlers and babies.
It’s not that I don’t have alien hunks chasing me-- trust me, Ezron is a jungle of eggplants and I’m the last peach available. I’ve gotten invitations from young Ezronians that are built thicker than the pyramid and hung longer than the swords they carry.
The issue is me. I’m a curvy, awkward, bilingual accountant and according to my calculations, I’m going to die alone. Sola. I can’t stand the presence of men. They make me blabber, blush, and blurt. Last time Kira set me up on a blind date, I nearly went blind myself from many times I blinked at the guy. I’m convinced I had been trying to blink fast enough to take flight and get out of there.
I’m not insecure. I’m confident with my body and get along with the girls well, but men are my kryptonite. I’ve had enough of this. I’m grabbing my fear of men by the horns, and then I’m grabbing an Ezronian by the dick.
My mission will be to dive into an environment full of men. I don’t think sneak into a spaceship full of Ezronian men is what the girls meant when they advised to get more exposure to them, but it’s the best idea I came up with. I’ll study them from afar, convince myself there’s no harm, and then I’ll try dating when I return to Ezron.
I’m sure I’ll be fine if I get caught spying. Ni’ev -- the quiet, older brother of Vrox, is the captain of the expedition. I don’t know much about him other than his dick is longer than my forearm, but he seems alright. I’m sure he won’t be pissed to find me crawling around the vents of his spaceship-- that is, if my damn hips fit in them.
*This was Rosa's version/ description of the story