Josie Jen

Full-time student. Writing is a hobby - reviews and feedback are highly requested! x

Not following anyone yet

Overall Rating
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Very enjoyable

The beginning catches the readers attention right away, as it starts in medias res. This is a good way to introduce the reader to the story as it hooks you form the word go. I also enjoyed the mental monologue the main character, Jordan, gave us. It both introduced the reader to the story line and what was happening, while not moving away from the action itself. Jordan is sarcastic, humorous and casual, which in my opinion made him quite relatable and very likeable. There is also a clear difference between Jordan and Nicholas, noticeable in the clever way the author changes the way s/he writes when the perspective changes, as well as the difference in language used for each of them. While Jordan is on his guard and wary, Nicholas is a character you cannot help but like right away. He is kind and very excitable.

There is a lot of description and detail regarding environment which, although of course to some extent necessary, can also become too much at times. This is, however, an individual preference, but thought I should add it anyway.

There are several grammatical errors which became a minor nuisance, and the story and reading experience would benefit greatly from some editing. Nevertheless this was not really in the way, and did not in any way make it difficult for the reader to read and understand. Still reading experience can be improved :-)

All in all I enjoyed the story - plot and characters. With some editing it would be even better! Thank you for sharing this story and I look forward to reading more from you :-)

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