NutharaK

Camelot

Hi everybody. I love writing and reading and am a total fan of the Hunger Games.

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An afterlife story

I liked it, but I do think you have room to improve. While this idea is good, it isn't something I'd drop everything to read. I'm no scholar and I can't exactly tell you what is upset, but going through it again would help. Admittedly, I'm referring mainly to the first 8 chapters or so and I don't know how it progresses.
All in all, it's good. A good story, and an interesting idea which could use some work.

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A great opening

You've written it nicely. The mysteries of the policemen, Simon's unusual character, the difficult atmosphere of their home... you've got it all right. A new, intriguing idea about reindeer; I'm waiting to see what happens next.

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Great job

It's nicely written. I like the way you've written it, your style is really good. And I like the choice of character, since Kaida helps us see a whole new side to Draco Malfoy. I think you could go with being a little more descriptive but it's a good story.

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A story in the future

A good idea for the start of a story. Your spelling, punctuation can improve so that it is easier to understand the story. I like how you present how businessmen trump politics in the future as conditions change. Also, the politicians are adults, even if just puppets, so I would like to suggest less drastic reactions from them when told about the oxygen level and even North America, though Mr Fox's reaction is not so bad. Politicians are good at hiding their feelings and I don't think this will change very much in future. But it's a good start, waiting to read the next chapters.

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Because you said yes

A captivating start. It makes the reader very eager to know what happens next, and the story is very well written. Keep it up, and I would love to see how the story continues.

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Briana's wyrd

It is a nice idea. One thing, your writing is awkward sometimes. Try to make it flow better. for example "I felt something weird and unusual"you could have said, "I felt that something was wrong," "Something unusual was happening" etc. But your story is good.

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A mysterious, thrilling story

This story was quite good. Each character has their own distinctive traits that make them both easy to relate to and interesting. I'm afraid I haven't read all of it, but so far it is a very thrilling, great story.

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I love it!

Keep writing! This is a new angle for a story, and your insights on ships are really interesting. Your chapters have nice endings which make you want to go on reading. If I were you, I'd use the word 'father' instead of 'dad' all the time because the rest of your story seems somewhat medieval and 'dad' doesn't really fit.
Great story, waiting to read the rest. Please update.

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A masterpiece

Your story is really well written. From your portrayal of Chuck and Stephanie, the different reactions of his daughters, to the life he manages to build in Reynosa, this story is rich and detailed. Personally, I don't find myself qualified to critique such a great story. If I found this in a bookshop, I would buy it for certain.

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Ember in the Ice

I like it. You've written it nicely, with Audrey's emotions described in a very realistic way. I'd like to suggest that you don't go too far with the 'love at first sight' thing, but it's not bad the way it is. The chapters so far are good. I'm waiting for the next chapters.

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Beautiful

Glass and Gold is very intricately written. Every character's POV is portrayed really well. From the beginning we can feel the strong relationships between the characters and there is always a cliff-hanger and air of mystery. I didn't want to stop reading. I simply had to know what happened. That is what, to me, defines a great book, and your definitely qualifies.

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Roots of a Curse

What can I say? It is the start of a very intriguing story, and all along there is that mysterious, poetic flow in your writing. It seems to me that you elaborate too much sometimes, but it does not affect the story badly. Also, you use 'lowly' as an adverb. To me it is a bit out of place, maybe you should try something else.
Well done.

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Amazing start

You are very good at this. It feels so real and perfectly written. You need to fix some of your grammar but otherwise it's perfect. The idea is good and your writing makes it even better. Good job, and I'm waiting to see what happens next.

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Mystery and Magic

You've set the stage very well for your story. Your ideas are good, the descriptions are fine, and your style works out nicely. Waiting to read the next chapters.

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A good start

It's a nice story. I have some problems with it though: here they are.
First, I think you're going too fast with the story. Describe more, give more details about the story. For example, her best friends get mad at her, and the next thing you know Jayden is telling her to let them go. It's good advice, but new friends don't usually be so negative about your old friends since they don't want to make you mad. You should give it more time. Again, she is very casual about killing the doctor. If you mean to say that she does not mind being a vampire and killing then fine, otherwise you should describe it more and help us empathize with her. And the thirst, describe it more, describe the feeling instead of just saying the thirst, it makes it more effective. Same for the sun, since it's better not to assume that the reader already knows everything about vampires.
Nice story though, look forward to reading the rest.

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Incredible story

Totally unexpected. This is a full-fledged novel right here, you've done an excellent job writing it. So complex but captivating. It 's a very nice idea developed into a great story.

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Our Crushed Stars

Beautiful. You can express Cannon's perspective perfectly. It is insightful, engaging, emotional: a very good bit of writing.

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Great book, great start

You start off very nicely. You can describe places and people really well and that helps your story to seem more realistic. I can't wait to see how this ends.

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Nice!

Ha ha, I love this storyline and the way you write. Keep writing! I'd love to see the finished manuscript. :D

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Whoa

You have an incredible story here. You managed to describe humans from a dragon's viewpoint really well, and you have such attention to detail. It's amazing. I didn't finish reading it yet, but I I think you've done a really good job so far.

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This book is amazing

You have got the next Game of Thrones here, it's incredible, so perfectly woven together.

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good for a start

You should focus on grammar, punctuation more because without it the story is not clear, but the plot seems okay so far. Keep writing!

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