A wonderful book
Let's start with the plot - since this is an emotional book, I would say this book needs attention and editing, you are rushing the plot sweetie, there isn't much explaining on the plot I can make out where the characters are, but I don't know how the area looks, their houses look, the school looks, including his working area.
Read the story now
All I see is, he is visiting there; he is studying there; he is sitting in his corner feeling sorry for himself, but nowhere in the book reveals it, how his surrounding looks. Please work on the plot, at least try to explain what is happening around him. Everywhere he goes, he experiences some emotion toward the building, but giving a brief explanation toward the surrounding would make the book more realistic.
Character development - You have excellent characters, very daring and emotional characters, and I see near the end you started explaining how they look, but also in paltry words, character development is important in any book, they are expressing feelings toward each other, yes; I noticed it upset them most of the time, but try to express them in other ways too. Shock and yelling are most of the words using to express anger. However, they need more expressions; they need more suggestions on how they express it.
Please try to work on this, I know it can be hard sweetie, but reading other books will give you an insight on how character development words, I know it’s something I struggle with too, but it’s important.
Your writing style is sweet, but every author builds their own unique way to write, any author picks up a thing or two about writing styles in learning, it's not in everyone's heads to be writers, but you have a wonderful imagination, and you don't suck at writing, you just have to learn yourself how to use your style.
Using Grammarly, and ProWritingAid will help with those mistakes, it also helps in which style you want to write... I enjoy writing informal and casual sometimes. You can set the settings according to your needs, and it helps.
Another thing I picked up is, you tell the story, instead of showing us... now I know you are still young, but it can be taught, by reading other books and learning from them, if Inkitt doesn’t help… I recommend Sherlock Holmes, it’s the best book for me and I learned much from it, books from the 90s are incredible with learning…
Don’t give up sweetie, you have an amazing imagination, and I hope this review helps, and although I’m also not perfect in writing, all I want to do is pass my knowledge to another, and I hope you keep writing.