GreenWren3

Stephanie [16]💫 Creativity is unlimited🌸📜

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It was very hard to read

There were a lot of grammatical issues that made it hard for me to read so I don't know if I'll finish reading the story
BUT, the idea is actually very interesting and I love the main character.
It need some work on the dialog too.
Keep writing and practicing and you will get better!!!❤

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I LOVE IT!!!

Your writing is amazing!
It's interesting, it's comfortable to read and the way you describe things is great, from the first episode I was drawn to the story, I feel chest pains every time June somehow hurt, like for example, when Miles approaches her or makes a sudden move and she flinches, it hurts me to know she's having trouble trusting people because of her father . I was really shocked when her dad told June about her mother, the fact that she is stuck with someone who is not even related to her scares me (I hope he lied, but I do not think that is the case).
I hope with all my heart that Miles will help her and become a better person, now do not get me wrong, I love him and I am sure he is a sweet good guy but he has a hard life and he made some mistakes.
I am sure he will fix everything. I can not wait to know more about their past and what will happen next.
Keep writing!

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I like it!

Your'e writing style is very good, it made me feel empathy with the main character.
I enjoyed reading about the food in the bakery (it literlly made me hungry) and about your characters, It will take me some time to remember all the names but I like the guy that supports and protects Ivy all the time. (If I remember correctly his name is Tom, I hope I'm not wrong).
I'm interested to know what is going to happen with the rich guy, he made a bad first impression, but after reading all five chapters I think that he's a good person, cocky, but good.

About the technical writing skills I can't say anything since English is not my native language, but I don't think you had any grammar mistakes or problems.

One thing that happend to me is that I got bored when there were a lot of ditails. I like details but sometimes when there are a lot it makes me zone out from the story and kind of skip the details so I can get to interesting things where the plot is progressing. I'm talking about ditails of the bakery for example, there where so many things so I skipped some parts, sorry. I don't think that it's something that you should change since it is necessary for the story, but maybe you could add some breakes while describing something, like, if you discribe a place, you can put some small ditails about it, continue with a dialog or something, and then come back and add more ditails, so it will feel more light.

The plot is nice and I want to know more about Ivy's nightmare and her backstory.
And I want to see how will the sexy rich boy will meet Ivy again, and hope their conversation would be better next time!

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