Greg McLaughlin

Kept Me Guessing the Whole Story

Kelly Reigner offers two amazing stories in one great book including a taut murder mystery plot wrapped around a bittersweet coming of age tale in her exceptionally well-written novel "The Pinkie Promise".

As with any world-class murder mystery jaunt, she keeps the reader desperately engaged, routinely guessing and often second guessing unsuccessfully at the outcome of the intrigue and investigation of a 20-year-old cold case. The story offers numerous twists and provides a final reveal that both catches the reader off-guard and yet satisfies the need to bring the chaos of the story to an orderly and believable conclusion.

The story oscillates between a group of four young teen-aged girls preparing for a talent show competition during the 1976 Bi-Centennial celebration in a small "anytown" neighborhood called "Liberty" and their 35-year old future selves who return to town when the new Chief of Police resurfaces the murder that takes place by the lake behind where the town celebration occurs. Reigner tells the story by seamlessly switching perspectives from the 1976 series of events in which the murder occurs and a 1998 long weekend where the main characters reconvene in town to help prove their friend's innocence in the reopened investigation.

At that start of the story, we meet Pepper, a typical slightly awkward, good-natured, fun-loving 15-year old girl who enjoys dancing and singing with her friends and contemplating boys and crushes. Reigner takes the reader on a heart-warming tale of coming of age as the girls embrace their first few tastes of young adulthood and experience the ups and downs of blossoming adolescence. In this aspect of the story, Reigner absolutely nails the entire experience of growing up and the conflicts of young love, burgeoning hormones, pushing of the limits of childhood norms and the inevitable, wonderful and heartbreaking loss of innocence to which every reader can relate in one way or another.

Concurrent to her brilliant coming of age theme is the overarching conflict of a 20-year-old murder mystery that reunites Pepper with her three best friends from her childhood. There's the pragmatic Gabby and the boisterous, obstreperous Sherry as well as the insecure and troubled Liz, whose father was the victim of the murder and who becomes the prime suspect due to the series of shady events that occur on the evening of the Bi-Centennial celebration. The girls know more than they reveal to the police and as scared teenagers, make a "Pinkie Promise" never to share what they know about the circumstances around the time of the murder.

Reigner's back and forth story-telling style, sharing details from the 1976 and 1998 timeframes is highly effective and gives the reader just enough new pieces of this complex puzzle in each chapter to completely engage and confound the reader. Her use of the color pink floats through her prose in a clever and creative way, contributing to the intrigue and demonstrating her exceptional writing chops.

The final twist could use a few more clues leading up to it to give the reader just a bit more context and build that final piece of credibility needed to send the story over the top. But, in all, Reigner's poignant writing style, her descriptive sense of setting and scene, her fully-fleshed, relatable characters, the memorable coming of age events and her pitch-perfect sense of meting out her clues along the road to her final climax are all spot on and make "The Pinkie Promise" an excellent read.

She’s Back!!

The master of massive world conspiracy thrillers has returned with another triumph. If you’ve read the excellent Deadly Secrets by HR Kemp, you may have a sense of what to expect in this heart-pounding suspense thriller.

If not, get ready and strap yourself in. Every plot twist will throw you for a loop. Every character will keep you on edge and unsure of who to trust and who’s really who.

Kemp’s writing keeps the reader rapidly turning pages and jumping from chapter to chapter, eager to piece together her complex web of conflict and subterfuge.

Laura is an every-person character you can get behind and root for. Her closest friends and allies are all wonderful supporting characters. But what really makes this story sing are the layers upon layers of antagonists, some of whom are working against Laura, the ultimate protagonist, while also working to foil each other.

The reader is always a step ahead and simultaneously two steps behind this thrilling bundle of mysterious intrigue and suspense.

Kemp really knows how to keep a plot moving and a group of characters in constant danger. And with that steady pressure of peril at every corner, the pace and depth of this work manages to keep the reader highly engaged, anxious and thoroughly entertained.

This is a novel with commercial success written all over it. Thanks for another stunning thrill ride!!

Talented Writer - Tense, Dark Story

Chepper D, Levine shows off some serious writing chops in his tense, dark-noire thriller "Take Me to Church".

Levine's style calls to mind the films of Quentin Tarantino with his fast-paced, action-packed sense of dramatic danger, his gruesome scenes of torture and death and his tense cast of bad-ass antagonists. He manages to present a likable cast of highly flawed lead characters that keep the reader engaged for fear of their fate within the dangerous world of Levine's imagined London slums.

Unlike a Tarantino narrative, Levine infuses a unique brand of creative fantasy with a mysterious series of interactions between several heavenly angels and ruthless demons, who work to manipulate the human characters at various key points throughout the story. Levine's depiction of these powerful creatures is fascinating and adds a unique, off-balance element to his intriguing work.

The novel would benefit from a round of editing to trim some excess description in the late chapters that - on one hand - present interesting elements of the story and character development, but too often slow the pace of an otherwise break-neck plot that keeps the reader on the edge of the seat.

More problematic than the slightly erratic pacing of the story is the narration that seems to waffle between a tight first-person experiential point of view and what, at other times, comes across as an omniscient third person voice. While positioned by the writer as the later retelling of the story by the main character who expresses the first person perspective, the shifting point of view and the omniscient elements of the storytelling too often distract the reader from full credibility of the perspective. Levine should probably shift to either a full-on first-person approach, which would render much of the story outside the main character's observation to be invalid or an end-to-end third person POV, which would risk some of the intimacy with which the reader gets to know the main character. Given that parts of the story describe people's inner thoughts and interactions between demons from a hell-like non-human world, the first person perspective could not possibly know many of the described details and, as such, should probably be shifted to the omniscient third person voice.

The writer also has a tendency to use passive verbs where minor sentence restructuring could better highlight more active phrasing, thereby even better contributing to the action-oriented nature of the narrative. Simply, sentences that describe action using a form of the verb "to be" could be shifted away from past perfect to simple past tense. Hence, Levine should look to shift from phrases like "...was driving" simply to "...drove", "...was punching" to "...punched", "...was thinking" to "...thought" or "...pondered" or even something more dramatic like "...struggled to understand". In this way, he could heighten the intensity of his prose even more than he does.

Also, a little difficult is the sense of equal time Levine gives to such a wide range of characters. The reader may achieve even higher engagement if the story could follow the main character more closely and focus a little less on democratically providing so many characters with near equal story time. As a result of this shifting focus on different characters, Levine accomplishes the positive outcome of delving deeply into several intriguing individuals. But, this positive outcome also results in a feeling that the story lacks some focus and a singular, cohesive arc from act 1 to 2 and ultimately to conclusion.

The title, as with the name of each chapter, points to the rock or pop song that the author thinks of when reading each chapter. Should the reader choose to listen to each song just before or during the act of reading each chapter, these titles become meaningful. However, should the reader choose to read in silence, the significance of the title and chapter headings is lost. The author is advised to take this into consideration in future edits as the concept failed to work for me as I consumed the story.

In fairness, the novel is not yet complete, so it remains to be seen how some of the disparate threads come together or to what degree the main character is given the runway to stand out among the cast. The point of view issues should still be addressed as several other reviewers also logged similar commentary.

In all, Chepper D. Levine shows himself to have immense talent as a writer. While still a bit raw, his ability to craft a compelling story with solid three-dimensional characters, an innovative plot and especially a dark, dreadful but captivating tone and mood comes out very strongly in "Take Me To Church". I thoroughly enjoyed reading his work and highly recommend this novel - especially as he continues to edit and refine it.

Epic. Massive. Brilliant. A must-read realistic historic fantasy thriller.

“A Silent Game of Spies”, by Brittanny Davis, takes its readers on an epic journey of lies, clandestine alliances, fierce politics and even a touch of romance - all while providing a fun, tense and - at just the right moments - somewhat brutal look at the slow-brewing but unstoppable dawn of a massive, all-encompassing world war across her stunning fantasy world. Her epic tale spans one of the most vivid, inventive and realistic world-building accomplishments in the realistic historical fantasy literary genre since Mr. Bilbo Baggins emerged from his cozy hole in Bag End to throw himself a 111th birthday party.

While “A Silent Game of Spies” does not depict Elves, Dwarves or any magical creatures whatsoever, it still calls to mind a massive Tolkienesque conflict between an array of kingdoms; embroiling Kings, Queens, Princes, Princesses, Lords, Captains, Warriors and Commoners in a mind-bending web of political intrigue, secret warmongering, royal maneuvering and romantic entanglements.

Almost too amazing to adequately describe in a review, Brittanny Davis somehow manages to present an entire continent chock full of an inordinate number of lead characters, countries, cities and castles that she somehow weaves into the tapestry that is her gargantuan novel. And, she not only makes it work, but produces a seemingly eternal wealth of suspense, tension and unbridled entertainment throughout her amazing novel.

At first glance, the 185-chapter “Book One” may intimidate some. The many lead characters and multiple rotating points of view take some time to get used to and with so many characters to keep track of and get to know, the reader has to power through the first dozen or so quick, but disorienting chapters to start to piece together the many facets of Davis’ complex medieval universe.

But, the reward of taking on and committing to this thoroughly engaging, engrossing and exciting piece of literary masterpiece far outweighs the upfront investment of sorting through the many seemingly disparate threads that dominate much of the first act of the story.

Davis proves herself to be a genius world-builder and crafter of memorable, lovable and relatable characters. Her attention to detail, both deep in her description of specific aspects of the conspiracy across her world and wide in the comprehensiveness of the many layers she captures boggles the mind, belying either some super-human, in-depth education on the subject matter or one of the most thorough research efforts I’ve witnessed.

Her novel represents one of the most impressive feats I’ve seen accomplished by a budding writer and I commend her for the intensity and completeness of her output. Her ambitious plot, her unending palette of enjoyable characters, her impressively convoluted but clever plot and her singularly unique world-building represent a must-read for fans of classic realistic historic fantasy. I am blown away by the talent and output of my new favorite author, Brittanny Davis. Yes

Truly Unique and Absurd Comedy with Great Social Insight

In his amazing parabolic farce, "Apocalypse and the Asylum", writer, Saynum, crafts a beautiful and bizarre allegorical journey from the unbelievably and earthly mundane to the inconceivably and heavenly fantastic.

Distinctly and uniquely marked by a style of satirical wit and off-beat humor, each chapter, every pairing of unusual characters, each line of amusingly unexpected dialog and nearly every sentence of the narrative provides either an entertaining event, a comical interaction or an outright hilarious situation that sometimes causes a smile or chuckle and other times forces an outright laugh out loud moment.

Steeped in character reactions antithetical to expectation and/or social norms, Saynum makes a concerted effort to keep the reader simultaneously wondering what is going on and why the players all behave in such illogical, unexpected and unaffected ways throughout this narrative that grows and cascades into a crescendo of danger and destruction as the "Apocalypse Initiative" commences.

At the center of this wildly inventive and amusing fable are Emil, a seemingly nondescript public relations professional and Inora, his news reporter friend who sets out to stop the ultimate destruction of the planet Earth. Where the overarching comedy of "Apocalypse and the Asylum" meets the substance of this clever jaunt lies an undercurrent of biting and deeply meaningful insights into human nature, social norms and customs, organized religion and religious thought and the overall human condition.

In fact, Saynum skewers the illogic of human rules, rituals and behaviors, while making a broader, more universal point about the nature of "good deeds" and "bad deeds" and the concept of God and Heaven. By juxtaposing the bizarre and unexpected oddities of life against the all too real realities of humanity, Saynum accomplishes a lasting investigation that simultaneously entertains, questions and informs. Broken into short, well cross-cut chapters that play like connected vignettes, this story deserves the investment of time it takes to mine through its absurdities to understand its moments of absolute brilliance.

Such a Deep Investigation of Faith, Devotion and Salvation

LMDeitrich accomplishes an ambitious feat in constructing a taut psychological and spiritual thriller while presenting a highly religious subject matter. Her story, "In the Gap", focuses on a lead protagonist who must pray for salvation of the souls of other characters in the story in order to avoid a variety of life-threatening situations. The tight, extremely well-written plot balances intense interpersonal interactions and moral debates about infusing positive decision making with daily guidance from God and Jesus against a series of gruesome dreams or visions that drive the main character to help save the souls of his friends, family and associates. Along the way, the story also displays a series of nicely drawn romantic love triangles between expertly crafted, likable and believable characters that give the story it's beautiful heart.

The way the writer is able to weave these interrelated stories and intersect the characters' often flawed lives and choices is impressive and effective, providing a smart, cohesive and enjoyable experience from cover to cover. The love stories are filled with tense moments, tough choices, emotional highs and stress-inducing moments of sadness and anxiety. The depiction of the vividly creepy devil-induced dreams that several characters experience - which foreshadow potential future horrors and tragedies - are so well written, they drastically heighten the tension and compel the reader to desperately read on.

The specific non-secular-oriented subject matter and the boldness with which the writer unabashedly investigates concepts of religious devotion and salvation may not appeal to those that shy away from open, frank discussions of human faith. But, as only a moderately religious person, I still found the intelligent and admirable presentation of the narrative to paint a compelling case for the concept of praying for the salvation of one's soul and for the blind devotion to God's word despite the unknowable human mystery of his intentions.

The story ends with a gravity and final scene that will shake the reader and leave a strong, lasting, impactful impression. It is a deep, shocking and powerful ending that makes the ultimate argument for the theme of the story in an irrevocably poignant and transformational way. Again, not every reader will react in the same manner to the ultimate sacrifice and salvation that takes place. But, that variance in reaction belies the whole point of the story about how different people have different levels of faith, closeness to God and interpretations of God's plan for them. Similarly, different readers will take different interpretations of the explosive conclusion and that is the mark of a world-class piece of literary art.

I commend LMDietrich for her brave presentation of her story and highly recommend it to anyone with an open mind and a willingness to investigate their own human relationship with their higher calling.

Well Communicated Story

Miss Communication is such a clever title for this book as it aptly describes the rollercoaster romance of the two featured leads, Gabi and Ryan. The story starts off with a bang, literally, as the romantic leads crash into each other in an elevator in the opening scene. The description of this strong initial encounter with all of Gabi's struggles and difficulties, clearly establishes her as the likeable central figure who carries and drives the narration from beginning to end and sets an early tone for the ensuing romantic comedy.

Author, Ashleigh Y shows a great hand at creating cute and playful relationships between her stable of fun, quirky and awkward characters. She also depicts some distasteful antagonists, which sets up a rich contract between the positive and negative influences on Gabi and Ryan's courtship. In particular, the story shines best when it shows Gabi's various friends and family members helping each other navigate through the many eventful misunderstandings, dramatic interpersonal situations and even a particularly dangerous event at the apex of the story.

The plot winds precariously around the budding and growing relationship between Gabi and Ryan and provides some nice subplots focused on their equally unusual and semi-functional families. Some of the exposition requires slight suspension of belief or at least, acceptance of behavior that exceeds and/or contrasts from the bounds of the reader's reasonable expectations. And a few plot devices, designed to propel the story forward, seem a bit forced at times. But, once the reader comes to accept the lack of certain subtleties and straps in for this entertaining joyride, the payoff is worth the time invested in getting to know the families, the characters and the plot of this fun, enjoyable jaunt.

Great Characterization and Amazing Scene Setting

There are moments in the Grease and the Gold, by BB Powers - little phrases, poignant descriptions and spot-on slices of dialog - that will cause you to take a deep breath and commit her amazing use of the English language to memory. There are times when she conveys a lifetime of insight and observation in literally a single poetic sentence or less. And in these precious moments of brilliant genius, you realize that you are reading the work of a truly talented artist.

A master of dead-on, real and authentically gritty dialog, the deep, meaningful and memorable insight that she pours into the souls of each character sets BB Powers apart as an immensely talented storyteller and creator of vivid narration, She crafts a bold, relentless and unique environment where her cast of raw, conflicted and flawed individuals struggle with crushing tragedy, deep deceit, a rigid code of obedient behavior and violent revenge. She constructs a series of engaging and explosive conflicts that threaten to tear apart family, friendship and an entire community of people bound by the commonality of their cherished Motor Club patch and their ruthless authoritarian President. The reader feels the anxiety and tension of each situation in an acutely tangible way, which compels them to turn the pages and lose themselves in this dark and dangerous world.

Sunny Lane is as intriguing and energizing a character as any female protagonist with a torturous history and an even more treacherous present. The structure of the story is exceptionally intelligent and the author deftly makes all the right choices in how she reveals the secrets of the past, fills the gaps of your knowledge and appreciation of her wonderful characters and keeps you off balance with her constant surprise chapter endings and unexpected twists.

She has some significant copy editing yet to perform and as of August 31st, 2018, had not wrapped the final conclusion of the story. But beyond the mechanics of smoothing out the grammar and spelling issues, the thoughts, ideas, themes and insights into this wild, hectic and violent substance-fueled world provides a thrilling, chaotic ride that will leave its mark in the reader's mind for a long time.

Beautiful, Haunting, Sweet and Jarring Epic Love Story

Unspoken Vows (Book 1) by Maisy Menold takes a long, winding path, carrying the reader along a high arc that winds through the lives of the main characters like a scary and dangerous yet exhilarating roller coaster. Her depictions of gruesome and depraved physical and mental abuse is haunting, harrowing and horrifyingly memorable. The trauma endured by the main character, Meg, is heartbreaking and hard to take at times. Her development from abused child, to sexy foil for the other main character, Alex, to adult sexual violence victim, to happy, loving partner is a truly satisfying outcome, in contrast to the pain she experiences throughout the first and second acts.

Likewise, the metamorphosis of her other main character, Alex, is also a fun and happy journey as he makes his way from an aged, aimless and fairly crass former pop star to a loving, doting partner to Meg. This romantic drama takes the reader through some high ups and some very dark downs and is its best and most riveting when describing and demonstrating the intense psychology and impact of sexual, physical and mental abuse. As much as it amounts to a happy romantic melodrama, it also serves as a deep character study of the trauma associated with Meg's inhumane, violent experiences.

If any criticism, the romantic union between Meg and Alex is rarely in doubt. The tension and conflict of the story is largely external as there is hardly a point at which the reader doubts or worries that the relationship might not make it. In other words, the romantic leads seem to fall too deeply in love too soon in the story. Some further internal conflict of some sort might create more apprehension in the reader and give the story even greater intensity from start to finish.

But, on balance, the writer has an excellent ability to generate likable characters that readers want to root for and real, gritty emotional trauma that grips the reader and leaves a memorable lasting impression. Maisy is a wonderful writer with a great talent for plot, character, conflict and resolution. And, her novel is a thoroughly enjoyable read!

Excellent Fable

This is a well-written fable that makes a nice social commentary in a simple but effective way.,

Beautifully Poetic Writing

Sabrina's short but passionate story about deep, intense love lost is a marvel in its simplicity, focus and delivery of emotion. Sabrina puts words, sentences and thoughts together like a fine French impressionist painter dabbles a striking image with so few brush strokes. Too short to be considered a full-on "Short Story" and written in too much of a narrative style to be considered poetry, this piece falls somewhere between as a hybrid.

In all, it was a worthwhile experience reading this gem of a narration, which captures such a profound longing so vividly. Sabrina clearly has exceptional writing talent. I'd love to see her produce a fleshed out story with more characters and fully developed plot. If she could deliver as strong and pungent a reading experience in a longer story, she would be a literary force.

So Much Potential for a Comedic Tour De Force

You have some clear and obvious writing talent. Your ability to pull together a seemingly absurd, random and comical set of circumstances and make the whole crazy, frenetic scene work is impressive. The story starts strong with the memorable sequence of the truck crash with the chickens and the spork incident. It draws the reader right into the story and this whole manic world that happens around and to Abby, the main character. In the early chapters, you do a nice job of introducing characters and establishing Abby’s unique voice and perspective on the world around her. The ensuing chapters play out more like a series of loosely related events, rather than a cohesive plot with a beginning, middle and end and a consistent conflict throughout. There is immense potential with this story.

Here is what I loved about your story:

1. Abby – she’s a hoot. Her take on life, love and human behavior is fresh, unique and hilariously sardonic. Her self-effacement endears her to the reader and makes her a real and makes her a relatable character.

2. Setting – The news room setting was a great choice. I liked some of the backdrop of the decline of the newspaper industry. The comfort Abby achieved in sitting in the press room was pricelessly described. Descriptions of the layoffs and some of the desperate editorial changes they made to remain competitive in the media marketplace were compelling and very real.

3. Absurdity – The opening with the chickens and the spork is just so off-beat and yet believable with only moderate stretch of the imagination. The whole trip with Derek was bizarre and yet still felt grounded in the possible. Some fell a little flat, like why did the doctor date have a kiddie bed. But most of the absurd situations worked well.

4. Jane – The way you progressed Abby through the development of her alter-ego and the way you demonstrated the slow march from obscurity to fame and success with the column was very well done. You showed a great sense of subtlety in progressing that story line and weaving it consistently throughout the story as a running theme that the reader could latch onto and anticipate each chapter.

5. Letters – the letters and responses and the beginning of each chapter were absolutely awesome. They gave good foreshadowing as to what to expect in the coming chapter. They clearly demonstrated Abby’s natural talent as an advice columnist. And, I laughed the hardest at these passages. This was a unique and effective device. Nice job.

However, there are some areas I observed where you could make it even stronger.

1. Conflict: You need more conflict. A Rom Com should be more like a war with a series of battles that turn the tide toward victory or defeat, with the ultimate ending being the final victory. Conflict engages the reader, makes them nervous, causes them to feel the character’s anxiety, and creates a sense of hope for the character to overcome the obstacles in their way to happiness. While a Rom-Com reader intellectually knows the romantic leads will come together somehow in the end, the writer needs to find a way to create doubt and concern. The reader should be thinking “How in the world is this situation going to be resolved?” And they should maintain this uneasiness throughout the balance of the story until the payoff at the end. Rather than a war with major battles, your story plays out like a series of minor skirmishes that come and go. Which leads me to my second point…

2. Many of the characters either come and go, or appear only briefly, when, to the reader they seem like they should have more impact. The story is so completely dominated by Abby and her quirky, clever take on every event that occurs in the story, you don’t get a lot of additional perspective. Abby’s rapid-fire commentary on her life and surroundings is funny and charming and interesting for a period of time, but after a while, there is so much of her internal monologue, that you start to become numb to it. I believe you need to flesh out more of the characters, bring them more to life. Give them more to say. Develop some sub plots among the friends that somehow relate to or help progress Abby’s story. I started to get a little claustrophobic living so tightly within the walls of Abby’s perspective. Which leads me to a third point about your clever and highly entertaining writing style …

3. Think of your favorite Van Halen song. The Eddy Van Halen wailing guitar solo is amazing and exciting because it only happens once or twice in the song and lasts only for 30-60 seconds before the song becomes more balanced again among the band members. If you went to a Van Halen concert and instead of the band playing their songs, it was little more than Eddy screeching away for 3 ½ hours, you’d eventually lose interest. Your writing style is like Eddie Van Halen. It’s amazing. It’s intense. It’s unique. It can be overpowering. And, it would be more powerful in smaller doses, spread out among more dialog and exposition of other characters and their differing perspectives. I’m not proposing that you change or rotate literary perspective. I believe you can give other characters more voice by allowing them to speak more and to interact with Abby and with each other through more dialog. Eddy Van Halen’s solos stand out because they are something different than David Lee Roth’s singing. But, you need both to balance each other and create a more diverse and interesting experience for the audience. And, speaking of Van Halen…

4. I am assuming you are older than Abby. I’m 50 and most of your pop cultural references were amazingly spot on and quite hilarious … for a 50-year-old. Examples of references that I liked, but felt where anachronistically out of place: Referring to the owl munching on a tootsie pop; Kirk Cameron as a heart throb; comparing Josh’s “hot” young date to Pamela Anderson; who is well over 50 by now; describing Ben’s car as being from the early 90s – literally 25-30 years old; getting to second base while listening to “Every Rose Has it’s Thorn”, a song that was released in 1988 when Abby was 4-5 years old; riding your bikes all over town “in the 80’s”, when, at best, Abby would have been 7ish in late 1989, Corey Hart,, etc. The first couple of references, I didn’t give the date stamp much thought, but as the story progressed, the constant barrage of such references consistently seemed off by about 10 years. This brings me to my second to last point…

5. As much time as we spent with Abby, I wanted to get to know her better. But I feel like she was so busy observing the world around her and waxing her clever take on the peccadillos and peculiarities about life, love, chance and human behavior, I never felt like I really understood what drove her forward in her life. This was almost her defense mechanism against allowing herself to be vulnerable to her true feelings. But, it also made it hard to glimpse what her true feelings really were. What did she really want. I guess, she sort of wanted “The One”, but it wasn’t always clear from her actions what really motivated her. I wanted to see past the façade of her clever observations and see something more vulnerable, more conflicted, more flawed - really flawed, not just superficially with a spell of clumsiness, awkwardness and bad dating luck. I wanted to see real challenges for her to overcome. The lawsuits, the ups and downs of dating, the fallout from the viral video, the professional struggles, all could have created solid tension, but were resolved too quickly and easily. Think of conflict like sex, you want it to linger. You want it to tantalize and tease. You want to get to the end, but not too soon and not before an awful lot of pressure builds up and releases explosively at the end. Sorry for the visual image there, but that’s what a Rom Com should be; literary coitus. And, my last, delicate point…

6. The story is so female-oriented, stemming 98% from Abby’s inner monologue, I fear you risk losing half of your potential audience. There’s only so much detail about soaps, sweaters, candles, shoes and female hygiene products I can relate to and this story is so chock full of nuances that appeal almost exclusively to females, it was hard, sometimes to stay engaged. More troubling is that the male characters are one-dimensional at best, observed exclusively by Abby in somewhat of a stereotypical way. You give them scant bits of trite dialog and dispense them quickly. Josh is the prototypical but likable enough cad. Derek is the self-absorbed inattentive jerk, who doesn't mean any harm, he just doesn't know any better, Gwen’s husband is the geeky social misfit. Even Ben is little more than a relatively flawless nice guy. The relationship between Abby and Ben just seems to happen, rather than triumphing against some sort of difficult odds. Think about WHMS. That story works so well because you get such a great balance between the male and female perspective. And those characters are both completely three-dimensional and “real”, with flaws, hopes, let downs and true vulnerability to each other. And they experience real conflict that you, as reader, allow yourself to believe might not be able to get resolved. And, so when Harry finally does run through Washington Square to kiss Sally at Midnight on New Years Eve, both female and Male viewers are enthralled. Oh, and one more point…

7. Too many parentheses. If you can’t work the thought directly into the prose, then it is probably extraneous and distracting from the mission of the story. Some of your best content took place between brackets. But there’s so much funny content, that it almost starts to sound like white noise. I know it is hard to part with a priceless observation or a super clever line, but save some of your material for sequels or other stories and hit us less often, but harder with each comical reference. This will also free up more story time for development of character, conflict and plot.

In all, I was very entertained by the story. You write as if Carrie Bradshaw mated with Robin Willams. Your ability to present unique and memorable situations is impressive and your sense of comedic timing is excellent. I wrote as long and detailed a review as I did because I see so much potential in your writing style and in this story in particular. Good Luck!!

Great Story. Wonderful characters!!

This was a wonderful little story about two people struggling together and falling in love. It offered a great and relevant conflict and a feel-good conclusion.

The Prolific Brittanny Davis Does it Again

When I read "A Silent Game of Spies" by Brittanny Davis, I was awed by the enormous and complex world she built and her colossal story of intrigue, manipulation, politics and war. I found that 185-chapter masterpiece to be such a unique and rewarding read, I never expected she could create another equally mysterious, wondrous and unique story again. And yet, in "Winds of Change", she brings the same gravitas of plot, vision and completeness of world-building and depth of character development to a new and different 102-chapter literary experience.

The result is another engrossing, engaging tale of adventure, danger, mystery and camaraderie, but with a new set of elements that takes "Winds of Change" beyond even the amazing "Silent Game of Spies". In particular, her infusion of magic, her allusion to an age-old prophesy and added themes around the coming of age of her cast of main characters, gives "Winds of Change" a new edge and shows off another angle of Davis' chops as a prolific creator of epic fantasy tales.

In "Winds of Change", Davis exhibits her distinctive writing style, characterized by use of multiple rotating points of view, measured exposition of disparate plot strings that intertwine slowly like a savory roast that takes all day to cook, and extremely knowledgeable and detailed understanding and description of medieval customs and practices. As example, her depiction of the way the group gathers food, prepares meals, heals wounds, practices swordplay, transports goods by horse and wagon, drinks ale and even the way they speak, all serve to bring the reader deep into the environment of the story, and builds a visceral sense of verisimilitude.

Written many years before "A Silent Game of Spies", "Winds of Change" is a less complex story with fewer characters and a seemingly less daunting map of places to keep track of, but where "SGOS" nearly overwhelms the reader with its depth and complexity, "WOS" provides a slightly more focused and streamlined plot to follow. Both offer brilliant, but slightly different reader experiences, but the bottom line is that Brittanny Davis is a force in the epic fantasy genre. Mirroring the giants in her space such as J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, George R.R. Martin and J.K. Rowlings, if you loved "The Lord of the Rings", "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe", "Game of Thrones" or "Harry Potter", you'll thoroughly enjoy Brittanny Davis.

Bring in the Film Crew

Jacinta Horgan creates a visual feast of tension, suspense and horror in her latest novel, Eldritch. The story, which takes the classic, time-honored approach of pitting a diverse, dynamic and drama-filled group of teenagers against a supernatural killing force that works its way through the group one by one, plays out more like a Hollywood movie than a novel. In fact, with it's dark, scary visual tone, high focus on character and snappy dialog and the way it is written in present tense, it reads much like a screen play and would likely make a great prospective manuscript for a movie producer..

Horgan excels at creating an authentic high school experience, crafting believable characters, who harbor realistic affections and resentments for each other. She also paints relatable portraits of different parents with their struggles to connect with and ultimately protect their children from the dawning horrors of the situation as it spins out of control from beginning to end of Eldritch.

She takes this relatively common environment and turns it upside down in an episode that both shocks and horrifies, while entertaining. Her concept of a horrid lizard-like gamemaster that exacts a deadly price on the group of mischievous, but well-meaning teens, who make a single poor choice due to a moment of bad judgement, spins the horror genre into a new and interesting direction.

Some outstanding questions and explanation around the nature of the gamemaster and how the game comes about will likely come in the planned sequel. Specifically the mind-blowing surprise ending ensures high engagement in the next installment of Horgan's excellent horror trope.

This was as "fun" and "enjoyable" as grim horror gets. Well-written as usual, it's a can't miss story of tension, suspense, angst and noble sacrifice that stands up with all of the campy, delightful, spine-tingling slashers of the late 70s and 80s. Bring on the film crews. Check with Jamie Lee Curtis' agent. This one belongs up on the silver screen!!

Powerful, Enlightening Story

Shattered Moon, by Renata Lanzoni sneaks up on it's readers, aggressively grabs them by the hair and pulls them down into the depths of a tense, intense and all too scary - but unfortunately real - story of domestic abuse that can and does happen to even the most guarded and cautious of people all across the world. Not having experienced any events anywhere close to what happens to Lanzoni's mature, intelligent and emotionally guarded main character, Maddy, I found it fascinating to watch the abusive relationship formulate, develop, exhibit warning signs and ultimately devolve into the horror that it becomes by the back act of the book. Lanzoni's slow, torturous unfolding of her magnificent plot plays like a terrible accident on a highway or a train wreck that happens in ultra slow motion. Everyone but Maddy sees it coming. But, like in many unfortunate and sad moments in real life, nobody was able to stop it from happening. And the deeper Maddy descends into her abusive situation, the more dire, dangerous and ultimately life-threatening her situation becomes.

Lanzoni's strength as a writer comes in the form of her simple, easy-to-read prose, organized in short, tight chapters as well as her finely drawn characters and their touching and highly believable relationships. The supporting character of Cindy somewhat represents the perspective of the reader in her affection for Maddy and her outside perspective on Maddy's emotional needs. But, unlike the reader, even Cindy misses the growing warning signs that Lanzoni expertly trickles into the opening act of her epic story.

The slow burn through of events that cascade throughout the fun, romantic first act and the sexy, seductive second act linger excruciatingly for the reader like a slow simmering of emotion and anticipation. Her deliberate style of metered exposition serves as a great asset in building tension and nervous apprehension in the reader. While this serves as a great strength, it also underpins the only criticism of the novel, which is that her overly patient style of moving through the series of events that make up the plot can sometimes come at the expense of pace. The first act belabors the courtship by about a chapter or two too long and the second act simmers the sexual tension just a hair long as well. Tightening these elements would make the story that much more powerful than it already is.

Despite the minor critical feedback, Lanzoni crafts not just an exciting, intense and enjoyable thriller, but rather an important one with a deep introspective investigation of the psychology behind domestic abuse and a critical message describing a not uncommon scenario of how it can begin and how far it can go. Especially impactful for someone who has never experienced anything even close to Maddy's situation, the story educates and enlightens - or at least it did for me. I suspect, it could serve an even more important role in demonstrating empathy and shared understanding among readers who may have experienced any sort of abusive situation along the lines of Maddy's relationship with her tormentor, Kiri.

Shattered Moon takes its audience from the fun, romantic sunlight of a Sri Lanka beach, to the dark, dangerous depths of domestic abuse, educating, enlightening , infuriating and entertaining its readers along the way. It is a quick, wonderful read and I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a meaningful and thought-provoking experience.

Great Intro to a Broader World and Story

The android E.I.G.H.T. in Miguel Angel Ojera's short sci-fi novel of the same name is a truly unique character that captivates the reader and gives the story a thought-provoking and innovative focus.

Presented as a short story that introduces Ojera's vast set of worlds, cultures and conflicts, E.I.G.H.T. provides an entree to a broader narrative that is fleshed out in greater depth in other related works by the same author. However, despite it's brevity, E.I.G.H.T is a great, quick read that immediately draws the reader into an interesting plot with a sharp conflict and great characters, causing an enhanced desire for more exposition, more character building and more plot resolution - all available in the expanded series.

The story introduces the reader to a somewhat stiff, routine android that is reprogrammed to assassinate a rival of the android's "father". In the reprogramming, an advanced algorithm allows for the E.I.G.H.T to learn. feel and exercise free will and independent decision making. This leads to a fascinating psychological character study of her internal mental conflicts as she wrestles with feelings of affection and self doubt in her mission to assassinate the leader of a rebel movement - especially as she learns more about the hidden secrets, lies and deception that permeates her environment.

The characters of E.I.G.H.T. and her affectionate friend RAE in particular are exceptionally well drawn and drive the spirit of the story. As presented in short story form, there are a few loose ends and some plot that could be further developed, but these items are covered in other novels by the author.

On it's own merits, E.I.G.H.T. is an enjoyable investment of reading time and a good showcase of Miguel Angel Ojera's excellent writing style and narrative chops.

Feel Good Sports Story Revolving Around Niche Sport

Near Fall is a wonderful "Feel Good" sports story akin to the Karate Kid or the Rocky movies focusing on the oft overlooked sport of Wrestling. The obvious comparison is the 1980's movie starring Linda Fiorentino and Matthew Modine (as the seminal wrestling hero - Louden Swain) "Vision Quest" that gives high school wrestling the bright spotlight it deserves.

Rob "Coach Prebes" Prebish does an amazing job of capturing the fine nuances of high school wrestling and the many different characters that make up a team, such as intensely competitive and mentally dedicated main character David, freakishly energetic Booger and less talented, but equally driven Chad and Tom.

The backdrop of the piece, set in rural Pennsylvania, is a perfect setting and gives the story a great sense of conflict between the suburban, well-off, and the rural, less affluent, characters. While the story focuses nearly exclusively on the culmination of the central storyline of the high school wrestling season, sub plots around girlfriend Andrea and her dysfunctional family and the difficult financial condition of David's parents as they strive to send him to college, give the story additional heart and focus above and beyond the wrestling action.

As a former high school and college wrestler, I can honestly say that the descriptions of the challenges around weight loss, the struggles to prepare to compete, the anxiety leading up to a big match and the actual description of the wrestling action itself are all spot on - clearly the work of a competitor or coach that has had significant first hand knowledge and experience with this wonderful niche sport.

I thoroughly enjoyed the story and appreciate Coach Prebes' treatment of and spotlight on it. It is a good quick read with the typical ups and downs of a classic sports story and a wholly satisfying end to what turns out to be an epic conflict of athletic desire and execution.

Short, Intense and Creepy!!

This short but intense horror story calls to mind the taut, creepy and outright mind-bending novel and hit movie “The Shining” and models great horror writers such as Stephen King. More suspenseful than gory, it features an exceptionally drawn villainous witch of an evil character whose decrepit appearance, maniacal laugh and frightening action keeps the reader both engaged and disoriented throughout. Wonderfully done as a short story, it would make for a powerful extended story, in which the writer could put more exposition into the protagonist’s fear and further explanation of the backstory of the antagonist if he chose to do so. A vivid and riveting short, but intense horror piece.

A Complex, Comprehensive Thrill Ride with Sharp Social Observation

This intricate socio-political thriller takes the reader through a mind-spinning myriad of mystery and intrigue while generating a delicious pallet of both likable and detestable characters. Each main character slowly unravels the puzzle pieces to the seemingly impossibly disparate threads that weave the tapestry of this massive conspiracy story. The writing style is sublimely professional, active when the story calls for action, descriptive, when the story requires detail and scene-setting, romantic at just the right touching moments and downright chilling at others. The writer's depth of understanding and spot-on insight into political mechanization, maneuvering and maniacal self-serving corporate selfishness provide a biting commentary on today's political environment, accentuated by a perfectly drawn set of contemporary conflicts that seem like hyperbolic satire, but all too closely pinch the nerve of truth. Almost overwhelming in its rich detail and in-depth discovery of political corruption and complex social issues, the novel challenges the reader to think beyond the action and intrigue and contemplate the broader social and political condition. This writer has all the makings of a commercial success as well as a literary tour-de-force and should have no difficulty finding an audience and attracting a publisher.

Great Start

Only two chapters in, the author has already established an intriguing and unique premise with the central conflict of the story clearly laid out. The main character is well drawn, despite the brevity of the plot at this point, And, the writer's use of language including imagery, dialog and metaphor are all solidly entertaining. This is a strong start to an interesting theme and concept. The reader is already drawn into the story and looking for more.

Great Potential

This story features a well written villain, who kills with such dispassion and lack of emotion that his cold-blooded nature creates a chilling effect in all the scenes presented from his point of view. It has a decided language gap with American and UK spelling, grammar and sentence structure, but is understandable enough for anyone to read and enjoy. With some editing by a professional, it could be a very successful piece. The novel is unfinished, but the suspense between the main characters, who have witnessed the murderer in action and the protagonist of the story are appropriately tense and anxiety-inducing. Great start to an interesting story!

Epic Journey through a Troubled Life

Rough Diamonds is an excellent tale of a difficult life of misery and woe that comes to a satisfying conclusion after a long and winding journey that spans several decades. The writing style, dialog and description has a cultural feel to it, reflecting the locale of the story. Some of the detail is sparse - or minimalist - which, at first, takes some getting used to as it is different from other contemporary writing styles. But, as the story progresses, the intensity of the plot and the plight of the main characters ,makes the story very suspenseful and intriguing.

I felt like the first 8-10 chapters that go into detail, setting up the history of how the characters were conceived and born could possibly have been covered later in the story in the form of descriptive dialog or flashback narration. Most of the historical context, such as the death of the friend, Robert, does come back into play later in the story, So, the contents of the earlier chapters do have a solid purpose in progressing the plot. However, I also would have preferred to have met and connected with the main character earlier in the story.

Some chapters were very short and some events that seemed highly significant, such as the death of Jacko's wife, Liz, seemed to be short changed in the amount of detail or emotional perspective they may have deserved.

Poor Jacko, with his lifetime of misfortune. He's somewhat of a Job character (from the bible), where he's hit with every possible injustice that could happen to him. I debated whether or not it was too much, but as the story gripped me, particularly with the murder trial that occurs throughout the last quarter of the story, I came to appreciate the many vignettes that pieced the plot together like a puzzle. The murder scene and subsequent trial was tight and taut - a seemingly impossible situation for Chris, which ratcheted up the suspense and made Rough Diamonds a true thriller and page-turner.

The emotional choice made by Madeline's husband in the end, which facilitates the end of Jacko's misery was well described, believable and very powerful.

The writing style is unique and distinctive, a little stilted, but possibly as a device to convey local cultural story-telling. I thoroughly enjoyed the characters and plot and recommend this story to anyone looking for an epic saga of a tough life with a ray of a positive ending.