I'm just up to the end of chapter 21 and there are a few inconsistencies/things I'm confused about. I'm guessing the story is set in North America and it is summer at this point in the story? If so, it would be summer in Sweden as well. Also, was Mark originally Harry as there is a Harry early in chapter 21? xx
I made it to the end of chapter 17 and I was so glad to read that Mary finally left Alec. I understood why she took so long to do it, she wanted to see if she could make it work, for their sake as well as Ember's. I'm glad she's happy and she's with Elliot.
What did annoy me was her family's reaction to the whole thing at their big get together. Everybody was talking about her, like she was flaunting some affair in everyone's faces.
I thought Mary and Elliot's date was cute; how he ... See More took two weeks to perfect a french dish for her and remembered her favorite wine, made room in the living room to dance...it was all so cute and romantic. I'm excited to see how the relationship goes.
I've read to the end of chapter 17 and I am happy that Mary finally left Alec so she and Elliot can be together. Up until this point, I really understand where Mary is coming from. Like, how she puts Ember in front of her happiness always and how she wanted Ember to have a normal life with Alec being her father. Hence the reason why she hesitated to leave him for all those years. For me, it was annoying at times when she would give Alec chances but then I had to remind myself all these reasons.
I may have finished the book early lol but I have to say it was brilliant I didn't want it to end.
*SPOILER* only it you haven't read up to Chapter 18!
Well I'd say I'm happy that Mary left Alec although I felt it took far too long. Her character frustrated me but I can understand her perspective. Many people say they would leave if infidelity occurred but you never really know until you're in that situation and putting children. into the mix is far more difficult. I personally would leave but I'm trying to empathize with Mary's optimistic spirit. Ember definitely knew what was going on ... See More and staying in a toxic situation can be horrible for a child. Fortunately Mary left Alec and is forming a positive relationship with Elliot. Ready to see how things play out!
So, I decided to read the past few comments before making my own.
So far, my opinion of the story has not changed and I love the innocence of this book. There are not many romance books that have this level of innocence to them, especially an adult. Maybe I am just a truly sappy romantic female...
Anyway, reaching the end of ch17, I have found a few mistakes, but nothing worth me getting hung up about. One of which is using they're (they are) vs their.
"She and ... See More Elliot haven't been intimate, but their (should be they're)..."
I have left a few comments on the phone app...
This definitely has potential, and like all first drafts need editing. The kind of editing that most commented below about. Maybe showing things instead of telling, but then you will need to edit things out, otherwise you will double the length of this story.
Also, and this was mentioned below, but you will need to look at each situation you write Mary encounters with intentions of it some how coming full circle by the end of the book, so that there are no loose ends. In regards to the story that was used in Ch 7, this is a great example of maybe being able to summarize the story, instating of telling the whole of it. I did get a little bored reading the story and more anxious to actually get back to reading the actual story.
Okay, I think that's it for now :) LOVE the story. It's different. and I like it.
The scene with the tent was well-written and beautifully points out Mary's love and concern for Ember..On the other hand, the golden bird story,needs to be brief. The main story-line would be stronger if the author highlighted Ember's health scare. What a sub-plot! Who doesn't love an adorable child? And, who doesn't become teary eyed when that child's life is threatened? Illness is frightening for the parents, but it makes for a strong story-line for a novel.
I know from experience ... See More that a burst appendix can be a critical medical emergency. Family members experience a gamut of emotions; frustration, fear, impatience, and self incrimination.--to name a few. Nolan, my grandson, missed six months of school after emergency surgery. It took nine months of physical therapy to rebuild his muscle tone and stamina. Today he is well and happy, but the experience changed him. He is more reflective, and he treasures every day.
The author has excellent writing skills and a strong foundation for a story. With some editing, She Lays Down can become a complex love story that appeals to a wide-range of readers.
This is a very good book. It is well written, with interesting characters whose personalities are clearly developed, making them individuals we recognise, whether we like them or not. If all romance novels were as good as this, and they are not, then I would read a lot more of them. The author has done a fantastic job of getting inside the head of a woman who is going through a traumatic time, and is having great difficulty finding her way out of it. The characters are totally believable,
the situations true to life. Mary’s reactions are just what many people in her situation would do. The twists and turns of her indecision, and the shock of her decisions, keep the book enthralling. Excellent book. So far I give it 4 stars.
I am not a good enough writer to comment on the technical aspects of the writing. I am interested in the content, believability, and enjoyment of the story. I have a few comments on why I am not giving this five stars.
1. What is the topic of the book? Is it showing how someone copes with a very difficult personal situation, or is it a day-by-day diary of Mary’s life? The book is very slow. It is excellent at getting inside Mary’s head, but it seems we get every single thing that she does or thinks, when this is not necessary for the story. For example, the birthday scene was a cute vignette, but added nothing to the story that we did not already know. (Alec did not stay. Ember was disappointed, Mary disgusted. Elliot arrived and everything came up roses. We have been through this in half the chapters.) It could have been covered in a paragraph. It did not deserve a whole chapter. If the author wants to give this story a chapter, then cut out another one that just says the same about Alec, Ember, and Elliot.
2. Superficially Elliot treats Mary very well. He is kind, polite, considerate, everything she is missing from her husband. I can see why Mary likes him, and why so many readers also like him. Yet he is pressuring Mary far too much. While she is still married, he spends nights in bed with her, is constantly going to see her, deciding what she and Ember will do and what movies they will watch. Then, the climax, he goes to meet Mary’s family for the first time. Mary and her mother get into an argument, and Elliot intervenes and yells at her mother to back off! No one should get involved in a family dispute, and especially not the first time he meets them. This shows Elliot thinks he owns Mary. He has already made so many decisions about what they will do. Now he is telling others what they can say to her. This is beyond supportive. This is possessive Creepy!
3. I could not believe that Alec would have left so meekly. When he first thought there was something going on between his wife and his daughter’s teacher, he went to the school and slammed Elliot up against a wall. When he came home and found them in bed together, I expected he would have gone berserk and started a fight, He would never have walked out. He is very controlling. Why Mary does not see that Elliot is controlling since she is used to it. (Take it from someone who has been through this.) At the least he would have threatened Mary with financial ruin if she did not obey him. The house was undoubtedly in his name, either as single or joint owner, and he is the one with a job and income. After all, she has no proof of his infidelity. If he had thought quicker, he would have got out his cell phone and taken photos of Mary and a man in bed together. Then he would have had more to blackmail her with than she had for him.
4. Three months after telling Alec to move out, Mary has a final divorce? IMPOSSIBLE! If they had been cooperative, in that time they could have signed a Separation Agreement. We do not know which state Mary lives in, so we do not know the laws that affect her. Yet after getting a Separation Agreement, there is usually a wait of 6 to 24 months before a divorce can become final. Alec contested allowing Mary to have custody of Ember. Mary need not have worried. Unless the wife has committed a felony, it is almost impossible for a husband to get custody, but this battle would have delayed the decision. She would never have got a final divorce in three months from first seeing a lawyer. After all, lawyers are paid by the hour. What incentive do they have to speed it up?
Yet, as I said at the beginning, this is a very good book. I am enjoying it, I want to read to the end to see what happens to Mary. Some things in it are not explained, or are unrealistic, but this does not detract from how unbelievably accurate the story is about what is going through Mary’s mind. Fantastic book. Just could be better with a little editing.
I'm pleased Mary is with Elliott and Alec is out of the picture. I am enjoying the story. The pace of the events is suiting me just fine.
I've read to the end of chapter 17 and I'm glad Mary has finally ditched Alec though things seem to be infuriatingly slow with Elliott now. I wasn't sure why she waited months to kiss him. Does it matter that she was still married to Alec if they are now separated? I'm not particularly romantic so I can't really grasp the loyalty to a piece of paper concept very well but that might just be me,
I am enjoying the story and I am glad that she and Elliott are finally together but there ... See More are a few niggles. The array of POVs is starting to feel as though the plot and every character's thoughts and feelings are being spoon fed to the reader. This also seems to be the case with the expression of opinions in the narration. This section for example:
"Mary's been nothing but genuine until this point and Claire's pushed her past her breaking point. She can't believe that she's mad at her for being who she is and for things that she didn't ask for or plan to happen."
I think it is stronger to express the character's position through dialogue or their actions, and allow the reader their own interpretation. .
Other than that, I am continuing to enjoy this story.
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