Half_Of_Japan

A good start!

This is a great start to a story. It has everything a story should have in its introduction. Characters, setting, the conflict established, all that good stuff. I love the plot you have going here, but I do have a few bits of constructive criticism.

- The use of dialogue is good here, but the way the characters speak doesn't always sound natural. It's best to imagine your dialogue as real conversations, and think "how would this character communicate this?" It helps to add depth to your dialogue and your characters.
- The pacing is a bit funky. Believe me, that is a hard thing to get, I have problems pacing my stories. But the exploration needs some buildup to deliver the payoff you want to achieve. Show them planning, preparing, and going through the trials and error of a trip like that. Show the passage of time during the trip by adding little things that happen on the way over there. Give us time to know your characters so we can really feel what they're feeling.

That's all I have to say, I hope my advice helped you and I wish you the best in your future writing endeavors!

A great book, but needs some polishing

Hi! Sorry it took me so long to review your story, I've been really busy with rl stuff lately. However, I have read this story and have gotta say, I really like this! It doesn't shy away from topics that need to be talked about more in society, and the premise is creative and intriguing. However, I do have a few constructive criticisms so I hope you'll excuse me.

- The grammar and punctuation have some errors in it. Not a bunch, but enough to make the story kind of clunky, especially in the first few chapters. This could be easily fixed so I don't think I need to focus on it too much.

- Some of the dialogue sounds a tad unnatural. The police at the beginning, and a lot of Johnny's lines sound like they were written to fit a mold of a character. That's something that doesn't come easy, but it's super noticeable and can make or break a story.

I hope this review helped and I hope you know that this story is really good! I look forward to reading some of your other works! With some polishing this story could easily become a fan favorite!

A beautiful collection

I really love this collection! I feel like all of the poems as a whole capture a grand majority of the aspects of life, and I love how each one has layers depending on how deeply you look into it.

I'm a particular fan of the short ones, because they can deliver that emotional punch to the gut in so few words. I admire your ability to get such deep ideas across so elegantly with so few words.

This is done so well that I don't have many criticisms, but I did my best to think of some so that this review is actually helpful.

- Some of the poems are really obvious in what they're trying to convey. This is, of course, a matter of personal preference, but I personally like to really have to think about what is going on and what it relates to. If this was your goal, you can totally ignore this but I felt it was worth mentioning

-This may be my lack of poetry knowledge but a few of them just seem to lack that rhythm that people associate with poetry (again, poetry is so subjective that this may also have been a stylistic choice, so please pardon any misunderstanding of how poetry works). I like to think of poems as another way of adding flow and (for lack of a better word) musical wonder to writing.

I had to dig deep to find these criticisms because of how wonderfully done all your poems are. You really have a gift, and I encourage you to keep writing these as they all pulled at my heartstrings. I hope this review was helpful (I'm not the greatest at reviewing poetry) and I wish you the best in your writing endeavors!