A great book, but needs some polishing
Hi! Sorry it took me so long to review your story, I've been really busy with rl stuff lately. However, I have read this story and have gotta say, I really like this! It doesn't shy away from topics that need to be talked about more in society, and the premise is creative and intriguing. However, I do have a few constructive criticisms so I hope you'll excuse me.
Read the story now
- The grammar and punctuation have some errors in it. Not a bunch, but enough to make the story kind of clunky, especially in the first few chapters. This could be easily fixed so I don't think I need to focus on it too much.
- Some of the dialogue sounds a tad unnatural. The police at the beginning, and a lot of Johnny's lines sound like they were written to fit a mold of a character. That's something that doesn't come easy, but it's super noticeable and can make or break a story.
I hope this review helped and I hope you know that this story is really good! I look forward to reading some of your other works! With some polishing this story could easily become a fan favorite!