Eva Rhoswen

Rough

I like the premise. However, this reads as the roughest of rough drafts. Errors are glaring and draw me out of the narrative.

Has Potential

The plot of this has potential. A lot of potential that's sadly only hinted at in the book's current draft/form. I think with some revision and editing, this book could really outshine similar ones within the genre.

The major problem is the lack of attention to detail within the technical part of the writing. Often the sentences are half finished, as if the writer skipped over the word without realizing it. The lack of adherence to typical English syntax draws readers out of the story, the same can be said of repeated descriptions. Said isn't dead, and can replace at least half of Caiden's speech tags.

The characters themselves need some more fleshing out - Amelia is interesting but we don't learn her motivations for wanting to avoid serious relationships until chapter eight. Which leaves an impression of Amelia that isn't true to her character, she seems immature and flighty instead of hypervigilant. Caiden doesn't read like the man who is working within his father's company and flourishing. He seems much more like a college frat boy, unfortunately.

Meet Cute!

I like that our Heroine isn't afraid to admit when she might like something and that the Hero checks in with her often. 5 alarm spicy!