HFC Keddie

Sydney

Writer. Loves Dark Fantasy, Romance, Sci-Fi, Dystopian Worlds, Reading, Theatre, Creating exciting projects to entertain people!

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Deep. Moving. Dark.

I loved your book. Lots of typos and grammar issues. But you need to get an editor to fix those bits. Book covers are always things that drive me nuts because we (you and me) have the $$ of big publishing houses to make exciting covers (you should see mine) but we do what we do. Its funny because your descriptive writing is captivating and honest. Your cover does not do your writing justice. A great tale, intense and driven by dark themes. More horror could have been added in the middle but that said, it is up to you to decide on that. Darker themes, horror and the supernatural can either be out and out gory or more subtle. So you created a deeply moving story that drew the reader in. Well done. When you fix up all the typos, put it on Goodreads and see how you go!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Good Job

Hey grammar, spelling and punctuation is always a tough thing. I hate being so specific but we have to because we want people to read our stuff. Use Grammarly. I do and it is so amazing. Little things like when you use ellipsis it is three dots. You have a great idea here. A really cool one. I would call it something more dramatic than Secrets and Mysteries. Think about when you walk into a book store or go online to Goodreads. The title should rock, right! How about The Shadow of Fires, Book 1, that's it. I really like your writing but you need to inject more dialogue. With dialogue you can show so much about characters - how they talk, how they use words, do they swear, do they give a shit about things or are just flippant? You are there but just keep writing. Well done.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Wow, didn't see that coming!

An Android! Spoiler Alert everyone! Does that mean she can fully function as an artificial human - feel as humans feel, express emotions and have memories? I'm thinking replicants here, aka Blade Runner. Even Data in Star Trek had an emotion chip that could be turned off and on. If he was human, how did the android fall in love? or was something like love or even the notion of love? All great questions. Fantastic short story because you have the reader thinking of the possibilities. You could have a sequel and do a mirror of the story but the android wants children! Great job.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great stuff

Good story. Well executed. You have a solid writing style. Keep It up. Can I have a review? https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/245100

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Good Job!

You set up your world building well. Maybe tell us less with descriptive passages and give us the same information through dialogue. I love dialogue, it tells us so much about a character - mood, atmosphere, quirks, emotions etc ...
Great idea with your main character having to clear a debt to the Empire. Try and watch the parallels to Star Wars Universe. Are you aiming for more hardcore Sci-Fi or more adventure/action style? What readership are you aiming for 18+ or under? Are you squeamish about rude language or will you have that? How gory will it be? I want to read more so you are definitely on the right track.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Steamy and hot

I like it. Pulled me in straight away. I was kind of hoping they would connect straight away but you did that perfectly. Well done.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Well done.

You have a clear and direct writing style. Your main character was, at times, a little naive and silly. Not sure if that's what you were intending or not? The dialogue needs to be more realistic. You have painted Elliot as a mean man, so his dialogue should be reflective of that. Make out his intentions more specifically so the reader sees him as the antagonist. A few grammatical errors but a good read through an edit would fix that. Overall you have written a solid story. Be proud and keep on writing!!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great Beginning.

You paint a clear picture of the world you have created. Maybe a little too wordy. The end of the chapter finished your arc of the narrative well. You have to have a clear picture of the audience you are aiming at. The word crap is out of place, I feel. Perhaps use something richer. Do your characters speak harshly or more polite? Overall you have a great premise for a solid novel. Sword fighting is so cool. Well done and keep going.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great Start!

A master thief going to be hung for stealing a loaf of bread! They sent prisoners to the penal colony of Australia from Great Britain for doing the same thing in the 1800s! Ironic writing. Descriptive. Character is broody and frustrated - great. You leave us hanging for more. Will she get hung - most likely not but Chapter 2 will be interesting! Keep up the great work. You have the basic structure for a wonderful novel!!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great Job!!!

You have shown that your descriptions are well thought out. It breathes life into the writing which is excellent. Keep that up. There are some grammar issues that need addressing. I am a firm believer in telling through dialogue and you could have more between your characters. A good exercise is speak the dialogue aloud and if you are happy that it sounds right, go with that. Excellent story. Well done.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great beginning!!

Sydney - you are taking on the Billionaire Bad Boy Trope so make sure you are familiar with it as it has been done many times before. So ask yourself how am I going to make this story unique and original in the world of Romance? Also, heat factor. What heat factor are you going for? 1 is just implied kissing or not even touching at all, it's cute and definitely G rated. Heat factor 2 is PG, kissing is fine, hands on waists, not on bums or butts, passion is there but no actual description of detailed sex. Heat level 3 is getting hot. Kissing, yup, lots of that, hands all over the place, descriptions of how turned on the persons are but not fully graphic. The sex is at least 3 - 4 paragraphs. The writer here has to decide what words to use for the guy's manhood and her sex - also what words do you use for the characters desires?? How turned on are they? What do they want sexually etc ... Heat 4 is getting into Jasinda Wilder territory (if you haven't read her BADD series, I highly recommend them, they are awesome and an excellent guide for how to write sex scenes and incredible stories that you do not want to put down. Her use of vulgar language is appropriate and so hot! Chelle Bliss and Meghan March are another two writers that are fantastic. Heat 4 is what my novel is. My sex scenes are a page or more (no more than 2) I am explicit but not hardcore, appropriate to my characters actions and my use of language is 18+ but again, appropriate for the characters. Heat level 5 is full on erotica. The story is all about sex. Selena Kitt is the on the top of that list, her stories are insane! She owns her own publishing company too. She is smart and brands herself well plus writing sizzling erotica. I like your chapter, it is engaging, I like the first person, sometimes for me the third person can get a bit bogged down. In the end it is what you are comfortable with. First person you can get in the head of your character and his or her actions. I also love the alternative narratives - say like Isabelle - her chapter, then Grey - his chapter (an example). Your description of Isabelle was spot on. The only issue was that he was looking out at the London skyline with his back to her but he does not turn? How does she know what he looks like at the front? Not sure where you are going with the story but I would make his past dark and something he is running from and she unearths this and uses it to change him. Keep writing, it makes us better humans!!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Punchy Fairy Tale!

As Fairy Tales go - you certainly flip it upside down and got for it! The idea that underneath their bedchamber is a magical trap door is cool. What is down there?? You have to write more. On the grammar side you miss out on capitalizing on pronouns and miss out periods at the end of dialogue. Get someone to read other than on Inkitt, that helps too. Technical stuff is always what we writers fight with so take it as a compliment. We are all in the same boat. Great story. The reader wants more though, so keep writing. The more the fantastical and wild the better the Fairy Tale in my opinion. Good job.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great work!

I like the name Clover. Easy flowing writing. Great story. Well done. Watch the CAPS, you can overuse that. Does it have a sequel? Overall, be proud of your work and keep writing.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Well done. Tense. Dramatic.

The plot is hard to grasp, as we are dealing with a tough subject matter - Rape, Assault, Torture, Humiliation. Taking on these BIG issues is huge for a writer. Well done on giving this a go. How do you make it believable? At times, I found it hard to understand how she could mentally cope with three assailants. How did she not have a mental breakdown? Please watch using BOLD for no reason. You write with a clear sense of purpose, perhaps a more indepth psychological approach in your characterisations/dialogue which in turn would have increased the tension/conflict more. Well done. Keep writing, you're good.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Wow. Huge Story!

Epic story. Epic characters. Well written. Well drawn characters. Huge interactions, political intrigue and interplay with characters too. Great job. Is this Book 1 or are you going to string it out more?

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Good job

Lesbian romance is a little more difficult to write. You handled it fairly well. It would have been better to spice it up more. Cliches are far easier to fall into when writing. Be careful of that. I would have had your dialogue full with more realism. Your main character was strong not to take back Diane, but to persist with Gray, not sure if that truly worked. She seemed to be a first grade bitch. Well done on completing your story. You sure have part 2 in there. Keep writing!!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great Story

The will they or won't they was a big issue in your story. Natalie was a little annoying not to truly accept Dean's intentions. However, you suddenly threw in Jessa and it would have been interesting to have Dean and Jessa become lovers then Natalie wakes up to the love/need of Dean. The HEA at the end was nice. A little more steam/spice was needed, I reckon but overall well done.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

So cool

Keep going with this. Wow, it is good. Don't let anyone tell you cannot write. This is a great concept. I love the cover. Hot. Please read my teaser -https://www.inkitt.com/hfckeddie
I would love your comments. Thanks

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Awesome and super cool

Wow, you got me thinking all sorts of things. Vampire Diaries meets True Blood with some crazy ass magick that almost evokes Buff and Charmed. What the hell? I love the Earth Elementals idea. Keep that and expand that. That is awesome. Cole is seen as the bad guy okay I get that. Where do the wicked faeries fit in a and what is their purpose? Awesome stuff. I love it. Please check out my dystopian fantasy romance and make some comments because I would love that. https://www.inkitt.com/hfckeddie
Keep going with this story, it rocks!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Hey You go it going on!

Great idea. Roomates to lovers or even best friends to lovers is such a great idea. Dialogue is needed. Think about your characters, think about you want them to say. Dialogue gives the reader so much information. Any help I can give, please ask. Check out my story - The Trillium Awakening about an 18yr old girl who suddenly finds she is a not human but a witch and then is challenged sexuality .... anyway .... Let me know okay.https://www.inkitt.com/hfckeddie

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great stuff

I can see you love what you write. It is in your writing. So be proud of that. You have talent and I say keep this up. You fantasy story has elements that I want to keep reading. I love that you are trying and testing other genres. I am sorry not to give you an in-depth comment but I am pressed for time with my real job. So awesome on you. Please check me out and my teaser 7 chapters of the novel I have written. I would love comments from you. Thanks so much!!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great job!!

Ash is your atypical alpha dude, cocky and so sure of his actions. The way that he preys on Gia is great. Hot sex and sizzling will they won't they. I wanted more! Is there more??? Can you give my first 7 chapters of The Trillium Awakening a read. Your comments would be awesome!! https://www.inkitt.com/hfckeddie
Keep up the great work!!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Cool

Love that you injected a cultural feel and inject local language to a romance. That was cool. You obviously have a link to either the Czech Republic or Slovakia or Germany. Super research! Great story, keep going and keep writing and keep your dialogue punchy and alive. I would love it if you could give my story The Trillium Awakening a read and comment. Thank you for your story!https://www.inkitt.com/hfckeddie

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great STuff!!!!!

Damian is such a peculiar asshole, confident and cocky. Good job. Mia or Mickey is struggling with her identity. You did a super job with that. I love dialogue and let the talking give the reader the information rather than endless exposition. So the only thing I would inject - only a little is more - talk. I am not being critical but what a character says speaks volumes and you get to play with attitude and stuff like that. You are a great writer, keep going and please finish this, it is worthy of a really great ride. Well done. Can we swap because I would love it if you could give my first 7 chapters a read. I have finished the novel. I just put a tease up. The novel is The Trillium Awakening.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Super story

Great to read about a voluptuous woman who gains confidence after a tirade of bullying. You managed that well and built up the love and care of the boys towards her. It was erotic and you did a great job. Keep writing. Be proud because we need to read more female leads like this!! Check out my story, your comments would be fantastic - my teaser is only 7 chapters (I did finish the book) The Trillium Awakening. All the best.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Good Start

Hey there. Why don't you get Grammarly. I have it and it helps edit your own work, it is awesome. It picks up those annoying things that we all miss, like capital lettering, punctuation issues and of course tense (which I struggle with).

Good idea. Shape-shifter stories are hugely popular as you know, so you need to work out an original idea that will punch a hole in what is already out there. Be careful with the runt to leader concept, it has been done before. Maybe the runt starts a whole new pack that turns out to blaze new trails than the other packs?? Keep writing, you are good. I am half way through your other story.

Can you go over and check out my story, The Trillium Awakening - I have finished the novel but only put a teaser up. Your thoughts would be appreciative.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Be Positive!

Hi, I get the Indian arranged marriage concept. It must be a difficult thing to deal with. I love the idea that you are trying to write about this.
First create a character that we are going to fall in love with. Call her Pari (beauty fairy angel) say she is around nineteen. Have her in a situation say with her best friend, call her Mishka (maybe Mishi for a nickname), they are having tea and talking about life, love, sex.
So what I am saying use dialogue to give us how Pari is thinking and what situation she is in. Maybe she knows the bloke who she is arranged to be married and does not like his family etc ... and accidentally starts falling for her brother or his best friend!! Shock horror!! And under the guise of pretending to go ahead with the marriage they sneak away to Sri Lanka or Singapore or something like that. Love conquers all boundaries, that kind of thing. You have a great idea, so keep at it. I hope this helps you! I would love to help you develop your story. Would you like to check out my story please and see how I drop you straight into the action. https://www.inkitt.com/hfckeddie

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great Job!

Keep up the great work. Try and find an ending. HEA maybe? I know that's cliched but par for the course with romance. I would have had your dialogue more punchy and at times more earthy and real, not so slanted. Overall great. Get a beta-reader to finds all those mistakes, okay. If you got time check out my first 7 chapters and see what you reckon?? Cheers.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

The Lost Children

Great story. You could easily push your idea into a novel or novella. I would personally go the novel as you built in a great framework. I am into punchy dialogue and the only thing I would say is when you write dialogue, say it out loud and if you think it is corny or not believable, don't keep it. We all um and pause and say dumb things, y'know. Keep up the great work, I would read more of your stuff!!

Read the story now

No badges received yet

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.