Intriguing Start to a Gothicy Dark Romance (i think? Will think of a better title lmao)
I always like reviewing stuff for general thoughts but ofc one chapter hardly warrant a proper book review! So if you continue updating, I'll try to keep this review also updated!
Read the story now
So, I was lurking the review thread like I do for anything interesting and decided to give your story a shot because the blurb you posted (loving all the description in it) and you had the dream of the Ordrak at the end and it really didn't disappoint! Just oozing with atmosphere and abstractness and this lovely dark gothicy vibe going on which I absolute dug. Also looveed this line: "Queen, queen, queen." A pause. "Dead." Just so oooohhhaahhhh interesting. Atmospheric. Yum.
Also enjoyed Charlie's argument with the guard at the beginning (lmao why did I start with the ending first?? Doesn't make much sense) because obviously it set up the world and her character and the Ordrak mentions for later in the chapter. I think this is meant to be russiany inspired perhaps? I'm curious as to where you've chosen to set it. I could maybe see Norse working from the place and character names, but my mind jumps to Russia because one of the last books I read "Wicked Saints" had these gothicy vibes. The very ending of the book reminds me a bit of a male character at the end who undergoes a demonic metamorphosis (no spoilleerrrssss in case you haven't heard of this book!)
I did see on the review page that you're new to inkitt (me tooooo) but also that you're new to (fiction) writing in general? Not sure how long you've been writing for but you totally nailed the lovely descriptiony bits. I'm going to assume you are newish to (fiction) writing (sorry if I'm mistaken!!!) because while yes, there are a lot of tense issues that need working on and I think you could benefit from looking at dialogue tagging etc, otherwise your SPaG (spelling, grammar, punctuation) are flawless! Which is why I was so pedantic pointing out because I feel if you are newish to specifically fiction writing, it is something you'll pick up and be away with in absolutely no time!
Anyway, this is definitely a story I plan to follow as you update (*fingers crossssedddd*), especially if you are new and are looking to improve. I think you have loads of potential and this story is very intriguing with all its gothicyness.