I got to page 33 and gosh I feel like there could be so much MORE. For example you could have elaborated on Jessara’s training history; why Dillon is how he is; Killian’s story as a whole; the layout of the pack land; the pack dynamic; the alpha’s love for his lost Luna and an underlying sense of grief because of it.
Read the story now
Also the tension between Jessara and Killian could have been drawn out more or even just written more descriptively. Like we find out he was saving himself for his mate... AS they’re mating? That could have been such a good source of hesitance for him., and by extension given his character an extra layer of sentimentality. Like up until this point alone could have been a book on its own, why did you feel the need to cram so much information into one story?
The plot itself would have had me coming back for a sequel, but it feels so clinical and... skeletal? Is that the word? It’s hard for me to muster up much of an emotional connection for the characters and by extension the book because of that. Are you planning on going back and editing more detail and nuance into the book? Because if so, I’d love to read the finished product. But for now, I really can’t finish it. It’s like eating carrot cake, I want to like it but carrots should not be inside a cake. Much love - Jade❤️