Jesse Pacheco

Sacramento

I have always loved to write stories since I was in grade school, but I started to love to read books last year and it has vastly improved my writing capabilities

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Interesting plot.

I love stories about dystopias and humans surviving is desolated wastelands. The story is interesting following Gavin after the world has collapsed. It is in a first-person perspective. Now here comes the critique, while I was reading it I noticed there was not that much emotion weaved into writing. Gavin is living through this dystopia, but it seems that he has no emotion. Maybe that is what the author was going trying to achieve. A character with an apathetic attitude towards his situation in life. I felt no connection to the character or did not feel anything about the situation he was involved. For example when he was trying to open the door with his keycard and that "Vulture" (Looter) was behind him, and he was in a frantic state of trying to open it. It could have read "My heart rate rose immediately as my palms became sweaty. Hearing her breath made the hair on the back of neck stand. Every time I tried to open the door with the card the indicator beep red. I heard a faint ringing in my ear as I slightly lost focus with my blood boiling." Adding in emotion to the story is a gateway to connect to your readers to their hearts.

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Very dear to my heart.

I like this poem because I adore Chicago. I have been there multiple times, and each time I step out of O'hare airport, I fall deeper in love with the windy city. Thank you for writing a poem about my favorite city (Also I love the pizza there).

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