jillhope2

High stakes

This story is very interesting, has a lot of high stakes, and certainly makes one question who the real villain is in all of this.

My favorite character is certainly Sienna, she's very strong and bold and despite a lot of trauma in her past she has overcome it and grown a lot as a person. I hope to continue to see her staying strong and confident throughout the story, and eventually finding her freedom again.

Lucian appears much like a 'Christian Grey' type of character, where he's very possessive and making up rules and schedules for Sienna, who he has kidnapped. It is very difficult for me to emphasize with a character like his, but ultimately he claims that everything he is doing is to protect her from his rival. I'm sure we'll see more of that revealed in the future. However, to me, he really isn't much of a hero or romantic figure and Sienna's own bravery despite her circumstances is what shines to me.

The plot of the story is bold, and I think many people might enjoy the thrilling aspects of it. I imagine as the story continues it will keep up the thrills, as well, so that is something to look forward to as more of the mystery unravels.

There are quite a few grammatical and spelling errors in the story, which is something that could be easily cleaned up by a quick sweep through the chapters. Aside from that, it seems well thought out.

Overall, a good read if you're interested in such a thrilling, mysterious plot and certainly has promise for the future. Well done, author!

Dark and spooky

Wow, this story surprised me with how great it is. I often get a little wary about werewolf style stories because they can often have the same tropes and ideas to the point where I sometimes feel that I've read the story before, but this one is entirely different and absolutely worth the read so far.

It's still early on in the story, so I'm still not entirely sure where the story is going to go, but already it's full of suspense and action! So much action, and it's all beautifully written. The atmosphere that the author brings to the story brings chills and truly makes you feel like you're there and are in the experience. It's all very vivid.

I cannot wait to continue following this story, and I think anyone should give this story a chance. There is a lot of interesting elements to it, and it's only going to get more interesting as it goes on!

Really well done, author!

A prequel that suits perfectly!

Well, what can I say? I loved the first book, 'Spirit of Fire' and now this prequel is giving me so much interesting insight to things that the first book only touched upon. We got to visit the Shadow Realm, but now we really get to learn about it! I'd encourage everyone to read 'Spirit of Fire' first!

So far I love the characters. Many of them are characters we already know, but we're seeing them in a different light and learning more about why they are the way they are and I absolutely love that. Of course we're also meeting new characters, like her father and Soren, and so far they are on par with the rest of the crew and very easy to love (or hate) and they certainly add a lot of context to this story!

I think so far there is nothing to really complain about. The story is delightful and is moving along at a good pace! I'm anxious to find out what will happen to Luna, and what makes her become what we know she is to be in the future. I have a feeling this story is going to be filled with tragedy, but despite that I intend to read on!

Keep up the good work, author, I am looking forward to reading more, as usual!

A vivid and interesting world

I'd have to say that I think this story is very unique. I think the author has a very elegant and flowery way of describing the world around the characters, which I think makes it seem very dreamy and out of this world.

I really like the characters, I think they're all very different and have their own unique personalities which is a plus. I think the setting is nice and basic, being teenagers in school means it's something familiar to the reader, but it still seems very otherworldly because of the vast descriptions.

I think there are some issues that could be addressed to make it read much better. I think separating the big blocks of texts would help a lot in making it easier to read. It's a small adjustment, but it does help a lot so things don't all blend together. I think adding translations for Japanese sentences is important, because although I think it's a cool touch considering most, if not all?, of the characters seem to be of Japanese descent many readers may not be and it could alienate them and cause them to miss something important to the protagonist.

I think overall this story is very interesting and has a lot of room to grow! I'd be very interested to see how it continues, and I hope you keep writing it and enjoying what you do. It's very good! Keep up the great work.

Lots of emotion, a great read

It's so simple and straightforward, and yet holds so much emotion within it. The author obviously worked hard on delving into the true emotions of these characters and the relationship dynamics that determine the course of the story itself.

I think the relationships between the characters are very realistic and although tragic, they're relatable and understandable to anyone. I think it's almost more sad when friendships die off in this way, all sad and toxic and unfinished, but it's really well written with its ups and downs.

Overall, I think the story was very good and I'd enjoy reading it again. I think anyone would enjoy such a quick read, even if it is a bit heavy. Really well done, author!

Good intro

Definitely a great introductory chapter. The characters are all introduced well, and their descriptions are vivid. The author obviously has a good vision for what they want in their characters and is well able to show that to the reader.

I think the idea of the story is super cool. Reincarnation in fantasy stories is always fun to play with, and I think it'll be interesting to see how that plays out here with her memories and interactions with the man in her dream. There's not a ton for me to remark on because it's one chapter, but it's a great foundation and you can build from here!

My only true complaint is the paragraph blocks. You need to break up the paragraphs a lot more, especially between the speaking lines because it's difficult to see who is speaking when it's all mashed into the same paragraph. It'll be much easier to read with some more spacing!

I also think the end of the chapter shouldn't be a dead giveaway of who this man is. The reader is already intrigued and curious, so I think leaving it to the reader to decide and then having a more organic reveal later on where Layla realizes, 'oh my god, hold up, he's the man I've been dreaming about!' would be a lot better. That way the reader is following Layla and can be like, 'oh, I knew it! I thought so!' because there's already a bit of a hint that that is who he is. Anyway, that's a personal preference and you don't need to change anything if you don't want to! Just a suggestion!

All in all, I think this is a solid first chapter and I look forward to seeing more from you. Really well done!

Excitement and intrigue!

This story has only just begun, but has a very solid foundation. The story follows Kayin as his world is turned upside down by an assassination and as it stands we know from the introductory chapter that he has an important role to play in the world...but of course we just don't know quite yet what it is!

I think the author has build a very interesting world that leads me wanting to learn more. It seems focused on a matriarchy within the village/town area that we get to see, and it's because of how evil their male leadership has been that women believe that they must be in charge in order to protect from more chaos. I really love the concept and hope to see more expanded on the world in that area. It's very cool!

Otherwise I don't have much to critique at this time. The story is only five chapters as I write this review, but the characters are solid and the world is interesting and who doesn't love a bit of mystery and intrigue? Definitely looking forward to seeing more from this author and will certainly be following this book. Cheers!

A stunning piece

I was absolutely shaken while reading this! From the details, to the characters, to the descriptions...it's all beautiful. It doesn't meander, it moves along with purpose, and I felt totally fulfilled with the story when it ended even if it was short. Everything about it is very realistic and draws in the reader immediately.

I absolutely enjoyed this and would suggest that many others would, too!

Intensity and Understanding

I really enjoyed reading this piece. There's so much that happened in such a short span, but I feel that already I know the characters well and just want to watch their continued development.

The heart of this is that our lead, Petra, is suffering from anxiety and panic attacks and such a thing can often be difficult to depict, but the author does an incredible job of writing her emotions and highs and lows so well that is very easy to understand and even relate to. It's very realistic, but not overtly overwhelming to read and the balance is beautifully done.

I really enjoy the relationships that are being formed as well. I'm excited to learn more and see the relationships become more stable- or unstable- as time goes on.

I think this is a great work and I'm looking forward to more!

Intriguing mystery

What an interesting first chapter. I thought at first this might be a one shot but it appears to me that it's going to continue, which is good! I think there's a lot of interesting things to unpack here.

I'm definitely curious as to what happened to Ivy, even if there seem to be some clear signs. There's enough mystery left for the reader to want to know more, though, so I'm definitely still very invested. I'm also curious about what happened between her and her friends, although I assume it has something to do with her alcoholism.

It's quite tragic, really, but I'm still very interested in what happens to the protagonist and I hope she can find strength within herself. It's only one chapter, but there is a lot of good content here. Well done, author!

Sweet and relatable

This is a very sweet story that is very relatable. It's a slice of life piece that centers around a friend group and how they overcome struggles and enjoy their peaceful times together. The characters are very sweet and fun to read. Overall I'd say the story is pretty simple, but not without very enjoyable moments.

My main suggestion would be to make breaks between paragraphs, as the massive block of text can be difficult to read. It all sort of melds together.

Otherwise, I think the story is good and certainly an enjoyable read.

Fantasy and Action combined

There is a LOT of good content here. I'm very interested in the plot, very interested in the characters, and where this is going to go. Jake is a very fun lead character to follow, but it's also super sad what happened to his brother and how he's trying to atone for that situation and hopefully resolve it. Very interested to see what happens with him in the future, especially regarding all the magic going on.

I will say there are some grammatical errors and run on sentences and big blocks of text that can sometimes make it a little difficult to follow and read. I'm sure this can be easily resolved by just working through it again, but clearly the author loves what they're working on and that shows by how enjoyable it is to read.

Well done, and I hope to see more.

Unique and interesting

Quite the twisting tale here! There's a lot of interesting pieces, and undoubtedly the characters are very interesting as well. This story follows Bella and Lucian mostly, and both are very unique and have their own view points on the events conspiring.

I didn't notice any glaring errors or anything that seemed awkward to me. I think the descriptions are rather good and captivating and although some of the events seem a bit repetitive you manage to bring a fresh look to it. I think you've done a great job.

Keep up the good work!

Stunning

I absolutely enjoyed every minute of reading this book. The relationships between the characters, the plot, and the descriptions of the world/worlds and so forth...absolutely solid. I loved it all.

There are a few grammatical errors, but that is nothing serious and can be easily cleaned up. Definitely didn't make it difficult to read or understand.

Good work, author!

Triumph

This is a very fun story to read. There's action, adventure, romance, all of that good stuff you want in a fantasy story! The story moves along quickly, which I think can be good. I personally would have preferred more emotional descriptions for a lot of the moments because many of the heavy emotionally driven scenes seemed to get a, "Well, we felt something but let's move onto the next thing!" sort of treatment. I think it's great to settle into the moment, especially when Carter was kidnapped and reuniting with the mother. These two people are so important to them and I'd love to know the depth of their feelings!

I think a more fitting title might be 'Rise of Penadrinn' seeing as they accomplish their goal of rescuing the mother and restoring order, but of course I'm not here to tell you to change the title by any means, but I guess I'd love to know more why it's 'The Fall of Penadrinn', unless it's leading into the next story since at the end we are introduced to another villain.

Very interested to see where it goes in the future, and very well done, author!

Stunning

This story has everything: intrigue, mystery, action, excitement...it really does have it all. The dialogue is realistic, the characters are easy to understand and fall in love with, and the story overall is very well written. The author obviously has a great passion for this world they've built and it shows in how much mastery is in the writing itself.

This is definitely one to keep an eye on and read as new chapters come!

A fun beginning

I really like the beginning of this! It almost feels a bit like a Cinderella story- except she doesn't want to marry! I think it's a strong start, but there are some minor issues that can be easily addressed.

I don't think using caps lock to make yelling evident is totally necessary. I think it's a bit distracting to read, or it was for me, but their dialogue together is good and that's a plus! There are minor grammatical issues, as well, but that can be easily addressed by a quick read through.

I hope to see more depth of the characters as well and I look forward to seeing where this goes!

Really great plot idea

I really enjoy the concept of this story. The summary really drew me in and I wanted to know about this world! You have a unique style of writing that makes it difficult to read, for me, however. I think using quotations for the speaking or some other way to differentiate between actions would be a lot easier and would draw people to continue to read. I think you have a lot of good here, and it's a solid concept, but it's just a bit difficult to read right now. There's nothing wrong with not following a traditional route, but it's important to not deviate too far.

But again, the plot is a very great idea and I'd be interested in reading more!

Fantasy, intrigue, lots of drama

There's a lot that goes on in this story, and it isn't even finished yet! I really like the plot of the story, and the two leads are fun to read, but there is definitely a level of confusion for some of the chapters because of the constant pov change that happens. One paragraph is one character's pov, and then the next paragraph can be an entirely different character. It's not awful, but it definitely threw me a couple times. I think staying to one pov per chapter, or if you need to switch pov's then adding a line to differentiate would be helpful to the reader!

I hope to be able to learn more about this world as it continues, as well! Well done!

Good start

Of course there's only so much I can say about one chapter, but it is certainly packed with lots of interesting information about your characters! I'd love to learn more about 'The Bloody Queen' and her being trained as an assassin and of course her potential beau. There's a lot going on, and a lot that's still unknown, but certainly a lot of intrigue that will keep the readers coming back.

I would say that I think it's important to add quotation marks to the characters dialogue so it's easier to tell what is being said and what is just description. It's a little jarring without that. But otherwise I think it's very interesting and has a lot of potential.

Fun and Fantasy

There are so many elements here that make for a fantastic story. The twins separated at birth, their journey to discovering their powers and meeting again, and saving their kingdom- it's fascinating and it's such a fun read!

My only real issue is that I would love to see more vivid descriptions of the world and some more character building. I'd love to see more from Carter earlier on so we can establish what kind of character he is and really enjoy the bond he has with Brittani later. A little more color and description brought into the world would make it more believable and maybe slow down the pace just a little so the reader can fully grasp this amazing world you've built. I'd love to see it!

But really, what you have here is a fantastic foundation and it'll only grow as you continue to work on it. Well done!

The apocalypse!

The author certainly has a way with words! It really does draw you in, makes you feel the panic that the characters are feeling. It's definitely a strong start.

My main suggestion would be to give more context to the surroundings, and maybe give more interesting dialogue to understand the characters a bit more! Screaming obscenities, while totally understandable and acceptable given the circumstances, doesn't really teach us much about your characters aside from their completely legitimate fear. I hope as the story goes on we'll get some nice dialogue from them! And I'd love more descriptions of the surroundings and locations, even if they're zipping past them in a car, so we get a bit more feeling.

Still, a very solid beginning and I'm sure the author has more in story in the future! Well done.

Very engaging story

This story so easily draws you into this intriguing world. The main character is so sweet and kind, it's really inspiring to see a girl that should be totally worn out by the cruel world still remain so kind. Of course she has her moments of being angry at circumstances, but overall she keeps her kind and gentle demeanor. I really enjoyed seeing her as the lead of this story, and I look forward to reading more in the future.

Mysteries everywhere!

This story is such an interesting one, it hooks you very quickly! There's a lot of mystery, a lot of interesting characters, and a very intriguing setting. I think the main character is very dynamic, it's clear that she cares a lot about her friends, and also has a strong attitude of her own.

There were a few areas that could have some improvement, however. I think there was a copious amount of info dumping, especially in the first chapter. I understand the need for us to get to know this unique world, but when it's all thrown at the reader at once it can be...well, a lot! I'd say tell us that the world is different through showing us more things than just outright telling us. Show us how Luna interacts with the world around her to give us that perspective on how the world has changed, let it flow through a conversation instead of just as the narrator informing us.

I think the writer is quite good at creating tension in the story, there was a lot of build up and excitement to see what this mysterious entity that seems to be possessing people is. Really looking forward to finding out more about that, as well.

The other thing to note, and has been noted by other readers, is just the grammar and spacing out dialogue. If the dialogue is all squished into one paragraph then it's a lot harder to differentiate who is talking. That's about it!

Very well done, author! I look forward to reading more in the future!

A beautiful fantasy realm being born

So far, as I've read this story, there are three chapters. Definitely a very intriguing story that focuses on witches, spirits, and the mundane life of a girl named Margot. She's betrothed, she's not particularly interested in that, and she spends her free time watching what she assumes is a witch dance in a clearing. I absolutely love this premise, and there are so many fascinating things that could come of it! The potential is unlimited!

There are definitely some improvements, some I've mentioned in comments, but spacing between paragraphs so there aren't massive blocks of texts will help enormously! Also I noticed that a lot of your sentences can be one word. Although this is good for some scenes where you're building tension, I saw it in quite a few places. Instead of: 'Breathing. The air went in and out.' try 'She was breathing, she could feel her lungs expand and release the air.' These are only examples of my own and not your work, but just as an idea! Again, I think it will help with the sentence structure and readability!

One thing I loved most about the author's writing is the descriptions! They are stunning, vibrant, and paint a lovely picture for the reader. There's definitely an idea that her mundane life is very grey and boring, and the forest is full of life and brightness. Definitely some fantastic writing there.

I think one thing I missed, especially in the third chapter, is it felt like everything went super fast and I didn't get a moment to attach myself to this mysterious witch figure who was now burning. Of course, we had Margot's grief, confusion, and then magical experience, but it all felt jumbled together and I would have liked to have heard maybe the townspeople crying out about yet another witch in their town, or Margot's racing thoughts about trying to save this witch she admired, or something to that effect. I think it's fine that we don't get to know much about the mysterious witch, but definitely show us, as the reader, why we should feel invested and heartbroken over the loss.

But again, overall, this is a great start and I believe it can only get better and be even more fun to read! I'm very much looking forward to that. Keep up the great work, author!

A unique twist into a unique world

This story is a stunning mix of reality and fantasy. The author has clearly worked very hard on this story, and has taken time creating the fantasy versus the reality. I love the differences, the stark contrasts, and the unique vibe.

The lead character is relatable and loveable. I was rooting for Liz, whether through her budding romance with Nate, or during her fall into the fantasy world, or even her adventure out on her own into our own world.

I think overall, anyone who enjoys the fantasy genre would find this novel very exciting. As I said, there are many different aspects to this story that allows for thrills, anticipation, and excitement. Really well done, author! Keep up the great work!

Welcome to the Alliance!

This sci-fi thriller is certainly a great read. I enjoyed the constant excitement and movement through the chapters, there was never a dull moment!

The world building is very well done. The world itself is a dystopian one, and it breeds some familiarity as it's a concept often seen in sci-fi, but it's also original in some aspects that are slowly being revealed. There is some secret agency trying to defend the world from an enemy that seems to be known to the current society, and there's a large gap between the different class systems...there's definitely a lot going on, and a lot yet to learn about this world, but the author has certainly set the ground work for it.

The characters themselves are likeable and interesting. I'd say that Ethan and Steve are the most fleshed out of all the characters, so it'll be interesting to see what becomes of the other characters and what we might get to learn about them in the future. As it is, there are still a lot of mysteries surrounding Ethan, so there will certainly be more to discover.

I think that overall this story is very good. There are a lot of cool concepts that I hope will become more revealed over time, I'm excited to learn what kind of evil SEKT might be up to, and of course following Ethan's journey of discovery will certainly keep me on the edge of my seat.

Really well done, author, keep up the great work!

Mystery and excitement

I absolutely enjoy this story so far. It caught my attention right from the first chapter and has kept my attention the entire time. It's a mystery that unravels slowly as we learn about the characters all shrouded in a fog- we don't know what they really are! But I cannot wait to find out!

Runa is such a great main character, because she's strong and has a wonderful set of morals that keep her doing the right thing, even at a cost to herself. I know she'll be able to teach the Sons of Midnight a thing or two!

The Sons of Midnight are absolutely fantastic characters and make such an interesting crew. They keep me guessing at what's really going on, and who they really are, and why they can't live anywhere but their House. I can't wait to find out more!

The world building itself is really well done. I'd say we got a good glimpse of the world in the first two chapters, but now it's fairly focused on the House and the Sons of Midnight and Runa having to find her way through this new life. I hope we do get to find out more about the world and how it interacts with the Sons of Midnight, too, because they seem to be very feared, despite being quite charming and even funny in the chapters.

The author has put a lot of work into this piece, and I think it is a charming story that any fantasy lover would enjoy. Keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more!

Intense and raw emotion

This story is short still, but already there is so much content within it that makes it easy to understand and feel for the protagonists.

I really enjoy the back and forth between Ayaan and Sarah. We're able to understand Ayaan, because he's suffering due to having a wife that has a great mental and emotional pain upon her, and we're able to sympathize with Sarah because it's clear that this girl has had a lot of trauma in her life, more than we as the reader know yet. But the writer has so easily made both characters understandable through their different levels of suffering, and it's honestly a fantastic story so far.

The depth of Sarah's pain is definitely a difficult subject, but I think the author has approached it with delicacy and also giving us a bit of mystery since we don't know what is plaguing Sarah's mind, yet. I'm very curious to continue to read on, and see what the addition of Alex to the cast of the characters is going to do. It seems to be believed that she can help Sarah, and I honestly hope that's true.

Overall, this story is very beautifully written and emotionally driven. The author has a great talent for such writing, and I think anyone who can handle the serious subject matter of this story will enjoy it. Very well done.

Interconnected lives

So far I am really enjoying this story. It has a very unique flow to it, and I can tell that the author has put a lot of love into the characters and the world building. I'm excited to continue to see it grow so I have even more understanding of what's going on, and can see their world even better.

The characters definitely shine throughout, because they have such strong personalities and bring a vibrancy to the story that is very important. After all, without interesting characters then there isn't much to read! So, I really applaud your ability to write very colorful and interesting characters.

I think there have been some very interesting lore drops throughout the story so far, even if there aren't too many chapters yet, but I think there is still a lot hidden and not understood so I can't wait to see how that unravels over time so we can really get to know this world you've begun to craft.

There are some grammatical issues in this story, but I think they will be easy to fix and improve over time. Being an author means learning as you go, and we've all been there!

I think overall this story is very interesting and I'm looking forward to reading it as it updates. Really well done.

Great start!

As I said in the comment, I really love this so far. Obviously it's only one chapter, but there is already a lot of potential here and I am very interested to find out what Calista's role is going to be in this world, as she was born when the moon left.

There is only one chapter, so I'm not going to be overly critical but as I mentioned in the comment on the chapter I think the bit with the wolf could be reworked to make it easier to read and understand as the reader. Otherwise I'm definitely intrigued, definitely want to learn more about these characters, and I think there is a ton of potential here. Keep up the good work, author!

A unique take on an old idea

I think this story is very interesting from what we have of it so far. Definitely an intriguing take on the idea of the gods working through people known as 'Guardians'. This is a fresh look at the way that the gods throughout various mythology use humanity for their own gains, or for some purpose that might be beyond human understanding. It's definitely some cool stuff!

The characters we see in this story are already proving to be interesting on their own, but their relationships and interactions with each other are what really make this a great book. The dialogue is realistic and easy to understand, as well, it's very clean and fun while also being gripping and interesting.

I'd say if you're interested in mystery, intrigue, and some thrilling action that you'll be very satisfied reading this book. And especially if you have an interest in mythology! This is definitely the book for you.

Keep up the good work, author, and I hope to continue to see more from you in the future.

A good start!

I think this story has a lot of potential. I'm very excited to see how it goes, because there is already a lot of great foundation here.

The characters are enjoyable to read and feel realistic and unique. The world around them we've only really had a glimpse at, but we already know it's going to be quite vast and interesting with an array of different people groups and kingdoms. There is a lot to build on here, and I look forward to seeing what the author is going to do.

The relationships between the characters seem very believable, too, and they're quite fun! It's good for a read!

There isn't much to critique at this time because there isn't a lot here yet, but I think as it grows that the author will continue to do well with it. I look forward to seeing what's next!

Elemental wars

So, obviously there isn't a ton to go off of yet, but what's here is interesting and I think the author can definitely continue to develop it to make it their very own, and make it very unique and fun to read.

We know right now that there have been wars between various countries, all that seemed defined by different elements and people who can use those elements. This does sound a bit familiar, and has been seen before, but I hope to see the author put a unique spin on it!

As it stands, the introduction gives us a lot of information but not a lot of understanding, yet. We know there are some special artifacts, that we will hopefully see again and learn how they play into the story. I did like the introduction, however, as I think the mystery that will be revealed later about those special artifacts will be a satisfying discovery!

A lot happens in the next chapter. There's a lot of characters introduced and lots of action. The author does a great job with the action scenes! I'm sure we'll see more of those as time goes on. I'll be interested to learn more about our lead character, Lyla, though. It seems she gained some elemental battling skills later in her life, so that'll be yet another interesting reveal!

Of course because there is so little to go off of right now I don't have a ton of praise or critique, but my main suggestion to you would be to shorten your story summary. Many people might pass it because it's so long, so if you make it short and more precise then I think it'll draw more people in to read. Just a suggestion, though!

Otherwise, I think there's a lot of good ideas here and it'll be awesome to see how it plays out. Looking forward to it.

Lots of exciting ideas

This story has been a delight to read so far. The plot itself is simple, but has a lot of intricacies that the author has brought in to make the world distinctly their own, and it's easy to follow and understand. Our leading prince has quite the crush on his lady knight, but that's only the tip of the iceberg.

The plot itself is very nice so far. There's a lot of political intrigue with the prince preparing to become king by hearing about different things going on throughout the kingdom and also wanting to discover things for himself by being out amongst the people. He's a bit careless, but perhaps only because he's used to getting what he wants, and it really only adds to his charm.

Our lady knight hasn't had a lot of 'screen time' as the king seems to be trying to separate the prince from her in order to give him a proper honor guard, but she is definitely a great character from what we've seen so far. She's strong and confident in who she is, despite rather rough origins, and she's dedicated to protecting the prince from an assassination plot! Really, things are just about to get so exciting.

Overall, I really enjoyed the book and what it has to offer seven chapters in. The only complaint at all is that there are quite a few typos, but a quick look over should clean those up and they're pretty minor. I think there's a lot of good here and with a little more work it'll be absolutely stunning. Definitely looking forward to following this as it goes on.

An interesting start!

This story is a very interesting one, for starters. The premise of the story begins with a kidnapping scene, but as of chapter 10, which is as many chapters as was available to me, that event has not occurred nor has there been anything leading up to such an event. That means exciting things are yet to come! After that thrilling premise, we begin learning about the life of Rilah, our lead character, who has been adopted by a family who doesn't seem to want anything to do with her. The cause of her parents' demise hasn't been fully fleshed out, so I hope we'll learn more about her past in the future!

Rilah is a girl who struggles with school bullies and seems to live a typical 'outsider' kind of life. She spends time alone, or with her friend Sylvia and Charlie, and basically just tries to get through everyday. I think she's a strong and positive character as a lead, which is nice to see. I continue to want to root for her to make it through.

I think overall the story is good, but every chapter feels like the same situation happening over and over. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I do hope more excitement comes soon, as was hinted in the very beginning.

I think this has a strong start, and I'm sure it'll continue to grow. Really good job!

Beautiful world, beautiful characters

I really loved reading this story, and I can't stress that enough. The author has obviously put a lot of love and attention into every detail, and I'll be interested to see how it continues to progress.

The story follows Saf and her journey in becoming the Fire Spirit elemental leader in their community. Fire wielders are not looking upon kindly, as they're seen as dangerous, but she's striving hard to make the community see fire wielders in a positive light...but there are dark powers at work in the background that are trying to subvert all the work she's doing.

There is so much here to enjoy, and the emotions in every sentence are so raw and you can truly feel them. I teared up a few different times while reading this, and I think that's a very powerful thing. The fact that the author can evoke such emotions, even early on in the story, is truly commendable!

I love the cast of characters as well. From the good guys to the bad guys, they're all super well thought out and their descriptions help you to truly see what they look like. The author is very good at writing descriptions in a way that help paint a picture without overdoing it. It's beautiful.. I also think all the characters are very unique and come into their own very early on in the story so it's easy to differentiate them and know who is speaking at any time. Really well done characterizations.

I think my only complaint at all (and it's a minor one) is that the chapters can be quite long. I think some could be cut in half easily just to make it less information for the reader to have to digest per chapter. This is mainly in the early chapters when the reader is learning about the world and there are lots of terms and information being given, and this is simply a suggestion. Otherwise I think the story is beautiful!

I think anyone who enjoys a fantasy story that features element wielding characters will indeed enjoy this one. There's lots of drama and angst (and mature themes, so be aware of that although I believe they are all very well handled), but there is also a lot of light hearted moments to balance it out. Overall, it's a great story and I enjoyed it so much. Really well done!

Potential suitor, lots of fun!

I really enjoyed reading this story! There isn't a lot of chapters, yet, but what there is has a lot of fun and enjoyment for the reader.

The characters, Blake and Amelia specifically, are very interesting and realistic. They both clearly have a lot of layers to them that we have yet to see, and I'll be interested to see those layers unfold as time goes on. We get to see Amelia in a bit of an interesting state in the first couple of chapters, where she's more confident and humorous, but then in the next two she appears more self conscious and is constantly comparing herself to Blake's fame and powerful position. I hope she's able to grow out of this!

Blake also comes across very suave at first glance, but then appears to be a bit of a jerk later on. I think he's just surprised about a lot of things, and it'll be interesting to see the chemistry grow between the characters. I don't think him coming across as a jerk is a bad thing, this is just another character trait and I'm curious to see where it goes. Might just be that he's a high powered lawyer that isn't good at mincing his words.

There are quite a few grammatical issues. Some of the sentences run on, or punctuation is in the wrong place or isn't there at all. I think this can easily be repaired by a quick read through and just make some quick corrections! Nothing too serious there.

Overall, I think the story is very fun and I want to see where it goes. I am excited to see the character growth and chemistry between these two characters.. I think you have a great thing going here, author. Well done!

Haunted Happenings!

Oh my goodness....I am not going to spoil anything in this review, because it's honestly too enjoyable to read the book and make the discoveries yourself, but let me say that this is one of the most enjoyable books I've read in a long time.

The cast of characters from past and "present" (present being 1955) are so enjoyable to read and have the most incredible realistic dialogue. You can absolutely hear the accents in the author's writing, which I also so enjoy. A lot of times with period pieces it can seem like the characters are speaking very modern for their time, but this is so well done and the author has obviously paid attention to the important details to keep you engaged in the timelines.

The plot itself unravels slowly, but in the best possible way. It keeps you wanting to turn the page and find out what is going to happen next! I personally love stories that focus on hauntings or strange happenings and the mystery behind them, and this gave me everything.

Overall this is for certain a 5 star story and deserves a lot more attention. It's a long story, but worth every chapter. If you enjoy the eerie and enticing, then this is absolutely the story for you.

An interesting start

There's really not a lot for me to review here- just the synopsis and a chapter full of texts between the characters. I don't feel that I can give a lot of feedback because of that, but I'll do what I can!

I think the synopsis is a bit long. I think you can cut out the dialogue at the end and try to make the synopsis more grabbing. That is your one opportunity to grab a potential reader and you don't want it to be too detailed. Hit your main points, introduce your character and plot idea, and go.

The text conversation was fun to read. The characters all have a good banter with each other, but again it gives me very little to go on. I would have preferred having a bit of a narrative along with the texts so I could begin to form an attachment to the characters, but I wasn't given that. So, I don't know what any of them look like, don't know what they're feeling aside from what is said through text, and really don't know a whole lot LOL this isn't a bad thing, especially since as the work goes on I know more will be introduced, but as someone giving a review with so little to go on, this is all I can do.

I think maybe the first chapter should have had a bit of narrative beyond the texts just so the reader can get attached to your lead character that you introduce through the synopsis, but that's a personal opinion and totally up to you as the writer to make that call!

I think this is going to be a witty, fun romance as it goes on. I can tell the author is working hard on it, and I hope to see more in the future and perhaps even redo my review as there's more to cover.

Short but full of excitement

I'm very happy to have read this and fully intend to keep up with it. It's a very interesting story about an angel falling from his position because of his dislike for humans, and it seems that he's fallen right into the arms of a particular human who is very compassionate and empathetic. I'm sure it will be a struggle for them to get along in the future, seeing as his beliefs about humanity are firmly ingrained and not exactly all wrong, but it'll be interesting to see them be able to forge a relationship of some sort!

I noticed a few typos, the main one being in the second chapter when it's written that she 'begged her parents to pull over' to help the dog, it says 'being' not begged. I'm assuming begged is the proper word there. So, that just needs to be fixed. That's the only one I remember at the moment, but just a quick gloss over should repair any other typos. Really, it's quite solid for two chapters and a good foundation is the right place to start!

A unique and beautiful magic world

I'm really grateful that I was able to read this story. I'm very much so going to continue following it! The Child of the Flowers is a gorgeously written tale of a female mage trying to free herself from an oppressive Archmage leader who has apparently secluded the entirety of mage-kind from the world. She teams up with a criminal who is also running from some terrible past, and it's all very grand and exciting.

The story has some mature themes, which I like to see in fantasy stories because it gives it a sense of realism and true panic for what the leads are dealing with. The stakes are high, and there seems like nothing will stop the evil Archmage that is trying to hunt them down.

I love the characters, I think their personalities are well fleshed out and their chemistry with each other is all very believable. None of the characters feel one dimension. I think that's huge for making the story more engaging.

The world itself is honestly spectacular. I love all the ideas and plot points that make the world seem so real and like some place I would love to visit and see for myself. The descriptions are vivid and the history that's explained by the characters is never over done and leads me curious to learn more. Super well done there.

I think anyone who loves fantasy, magic, and some drama should definitely check out this story and you will not be disappointed.

Action and mystery!

This story has a lot of exciting elements in it right from the get go. The author really loves to keep the story moving, which adds a lot of tension and makes the reader want to turn to the next chapter to see what happens next.

I think there are a lot of technical issues in the story, however. Lots of typos, missing punctuation, and some sentences run on a bit. The pacing can be a little awkward because everything happens quickly. They move from one thing right to the next without being in a moment to understand the gravity of it. It's definitely not always a bad thing and I think the passion for the exciting points of the story shows here, but sometimes it felt too rushed and I was questioning what was really going on, and would have liked to know more!

However I want to leave this on a high note, because there is a lot of good work here. The plot itself is fantastic and I love the idea of angels, fallen angels, demons, etc all sharing space in this world and this girl being thrust into it all. That's some exciting stuff! And the cast themselves are all great characters, and I enjoyed reading for each one. I think this story has a lot going for it, and I look forward to seeing more!

Beautiful

This is a really a great start! Of course it’s only one chapter so there isn’t a lot of judge yet, but I absolutely love the realism here. I’m enjoying the lead character, Sol, and her thoughts on her estranged family. I’m definitely intrigued to learn more about her and all that has happened.

I love the author’s writing style because it is SO engaging. I really appreciate how it reads so smoothly and draws me in as a reader right away. Really well done! I look forward to more.

Wow!

I don't even know what to say,. I just finished and I can't believe it ends on a cliffhanger! My goodness! I really want to see Alkan come to justice...hopefully I will get to see that soon!

This story has a well built world that has obviously been so well thought out. There is much intertwining between the characters and storylines and there's a lot to enjoy within. If you enjoy politics in your fantasy story as well, this has much of that! The political lines between all the different kingdoms is absolutely fascinating and brings a lot of intrigue. Not to mention the religion and the gods themselves with their own morals and duties that they must complete. It's really well done.

The only thing I ever had a complaint about was the capslock for shouting dialogue. I don't think it's necessary and it looks startling on the page to me. This is more of a personal preference, but I think shouting can be shown without it having to be all caps.

But otherwise, I think this is a great diverse fantasy story with many fun storylines to enjoy. The villain is so evil, but realistic, and even the gods have a sense of realism in their personalities that makes them believable. If you like fantasy, I have no doubt you'll enjoy this story. It's worth committing to every chapter.

Lots of excitement

This story is full of nonstop ongoing drama and chaos! We're introduced to what seems like a typical and small town girl, but she has so much more going on than could be imagined. It's short, but keeps you on the edge of your seat the whole time. I feel like there's even more going on than we as the readers ever find out, but that could also make for an interesting sequel if the author ever wanted to!

Definitely a fun read, and something anyone could enjoy if you like romances and drama!

Curious!

Obviously there's not much here yet, but what is here is very interesting. The first chapter gives a lot of information and worldbuilding and introduces us to the lead character. It's very interesting and I'm curious to see where this is going to go!

The author definitely uses a unique writing style, but it's not difficult to understand. There are some typos that can be easily fixed by a quick read through, as well!

Overall, the story is very interesting and has a solid beginning and I hope it'll continue to grow into a big thriller...I see it going that way!

Cheery and Emotional

This is a really fun coming of age type of story. Amelia is struggling to come to terms with her feelings through music and writing, while also dealing with school stuff and friendships. It's really well written, and fun to read.

I think my only issue is that sometimes I got confused on who was speaking because all the speaking lines are in the same paragraph. I think it'd be a little better to have a space between the speakers, especially since my first assumption when I see a line without explaining who it belongs to is that it's Amelia, since she's the pov. But that's really my only complaint!

It's very fun, very realistic, and very relatable. It's well done!

A striking piece

There's never a dull moment here. The emotions and intensity start from the very beginning, and even though there are some calm moments I always felt on edge. I felt like something was waiting in the wings, and certainly there was!

Despite how short it is, I enjoyed it immensely, and it's a thriller with a great twist at the end. Certainly enjoyable for any reader who has some time for a quick read!

There were some minor grammatical things that I caught, but nothing too serious and I think overall it's very clean, and conveys the emotions of that era very well. It's certainly a work to be proud of. Really well done.

Emotions galore

Wow, this is a very beautiful story. Lots of emotions involved, especially dealing with love and loss and the grieving process. The author is very good at writing emotions and really depicting scenes that attach the reader easily to Paige, the lead, and of course we're seeing through her eyes and mind in the first person pov, but she's very relatable for the reader even still.

I think the chapters are a bit long, and sometimes the content seems a bit redundant, hence the chapters being so long. I think perhaps finding a way to make them a little more concise would be helpful! Long chapters are not a bad thing, for sure, but when almost every chapter is very long it can be difficult to stick with it, or to have time to finish the chapter in one sitting.

Otherwise, I think the story is very good and well written. Some minor grammatical errors noticed, but easily fixable. I really like the dynamics between the various characters, of course Paige and Ronan are especially fun, but even flashbacks with her life with Kellen are very good. There's a lot of good content here and I'm sure it'll only get better. Well done!

Intense

I think the best way to describe this book is that it's quite graphic and quite intense. A lot happens right from the beginning and the action doesn't stop.

The characters are good and the plot is interesting. There's a lot of sympathy for the lead characters and but not all endings have to be totally happy, either. I like that.

Personally I'd say read with caution because of it's graphic nature, it's not for everyone and it's not generally the type of story I read, but there is a lot of quality work here and the author clearly cares very much about the world and characters they've created. That's a beautiful thing. Well done, author.

Fun and thrilling!

First of all, I'm definitely going to be sticking around to see how this story resolves. The author has such a way of writing that makes everything feel so familiar and easy to understand, yet there is sprinkled throughout it the werewolf lore and such. It's really well done.

The characters are super fun to read, and again they feel very realistic and easy to understand. The moments of tension are really felt by the reader, along with the moments of embarrassment or even moments of pure joy.

The pacing for this story is also very well done. I think the build up is important so we have a firm foundation of understanding who these people are and why we should care about them, and also learning about the world around the characters. Absolutely fantastic.

I don't think I have many "bad" things to say, honestly. I noticed a couple grammatical errors, but nothing serious. Overall I think this is super well done and very enjoyable to read. I'll definitely be following it.

Suspense!

You were certainly correct- it's a thriller! There's not much to read right now, but the intrigue is definitely there. The way you write really draws in the reader and makes me curious about what could possibly happen next. I really can't wait to see what you come up with.

Interesting beginnings

For one chapter there is already quite a lot established! I think it seems like an interesting world that I would like to get to know more, but I think perhaps this one chapter could be separated into two or even three chapters. There's a lot of information placed on the reader immediately, so it might just be easier to parcel it out a bit more!

I do like that there is an air of mystery with the lead character and I'm curious how her origins might come into play later, or how being an Enchanted Blood might become dangerous for her or others in the future. Very curious!

Fantastic

This is such a great story so far, and it's only three chapters in. There's excitement and mystery and of course there isn't much to read or judge yet, but what's here is solid and is telling a great story so far.

I look forward to reading this in the future! I think the author has a great thing going.

A Good start!

Five chapters can be difficult to judge, but I think you have something very solid here, in terms of a concept. Your characters are very unique and interesting as well, I'd be interested to learn more about them as the story goes on.

I think my only complaint is it's a lot of information right at the beginning of the story. I think it might be better and less overwhelming to the reader to parcel the information out and have us learn some of these things as time goes on. Some of it could be a very wild twist in the story!

Otherwise, I think you've got a great idea here! Keep up the good work!

A story of growth

Truly a slice of life story that almost anyone can understand or relate to in some way. Evie was in a manipulative relationship, learned from the hardships of it, and grew into a beautiful and confident woman who worked hard for everything she got. I really love that she got a happy ending here, because so often stories like these end up rather dark and depressing, and I'm glad to see a happy end for our heroine.

I really didn't see anything wrong with the story except for a couple grammar errors that can be easily cleaned up. Otherwise this story is well done.

So much world!

There is so much to this story, it's absolutely amazing how much the author was able to put into this story. The author obviously loves the world they've built so much and it's clear by how it's crafted and how the characters interact.

I think the story's action scenes truly shine. The author is incredible at writing these scenes and it's impressive!

I think some improvements that could be made would be that there can be lots of blocks of texts that can be overwhelming; sometimes there's almost too much information and it might be better to show it through environment or their travels than it all being told at once. It would help the story's flow and make it just a bit easier to understand!

There are some grammar issues as well, but that can be resolved by a quick read through to clean it up. Nothing awful there!

Overall, this is obviously a world the author loves and characters that are built into the world. I know this story is going places. Well done!

Passion

I think there is obviously a lot of passion in this work already. The author clearly wants to make a great piece here. Right now I think the piece needs just a little bit of work. The flow is of the work is very fast, you're given tons of information in a pile right from the beginning. Of course it's important to learn about our lead character, but her history and such can be parceled out through the chapters instead of just thrown at us immediately within four chapters. It'll help the reader connect with our leading lady a bit better to learn things slowly instead of all at once. Of course we are in a first person perspective so we may learn things from her thoughts, but I still think it can be learned slower. Give us some surprises along the way!

I think there is a great concept here and it just needs a little work to make it even better. Great start!

Another great piece

I really enjoy reading your work. As many have said before, the way you handle emotions, build up, and pacing is truly top notch. I liked that the emotions conveyed here were mostly tension and anger, and the descriptions of the surroundings and of her feelings are really well done.

I'd say this is probably not my favorite of all the pieces I've read from you, and that's not a bad thing it's more of a preference thing. I just felt like the ending was a bit abrupt, even if I understand it's a flash fiction I feel that in other pieces the conclusions usually flow better and leave me feeling satisfied where I just felt a bit confused as to what was resolved here.

This is just personal preference, however, and doesn't mean your work is still not very well written. Just a few thoughts from me! Keep up the good work, I always look forward to reading your pieces.

Profound

I think this is the best way to describe this work. The pacing and emotional weight of this flash fiction is truly profound. The descriptions are intense and you can understand them fully and can feel the emotion in the moment, and the pacing of the story is not too fast or slow. The flashbacks don't slow the story down at all and in fact add so much context to it. It's a perfect mixture.

I think the end was my favorite, honestly. The tenderness of the moment was truly a perfect way to end the flash of emotions and gave the perfect sense that even through this obvious hardship the characters are going through that they're going to be okay in whatever happens to them next. So well done.

To convey this much emotion in writing is truly a gift, so thanks for sharing that gift with us.

Absolutely fantastic

I almost felt like I was reading a YA fiction book I picked up from the bookstore. It's very polished, the author's writing easily draws in the reader, and the pacing is perfect. The characters are so fun to read and easy to understand, and their plight is very intense and intriguing.

I'd always been one for supernatural angst and this certainly brings it! I think this story is only going to get better as it goes on, but it's so well done right now. There is constant excitement, intrigue, and surprises along the way and I look forward to see how our plucky supernatural teens survive in the future. Well done, author!

Intrigue, Action...Humor!

This is a very well written, hilarious, and absolutely intriguing story. It's only the beginning but I'm absolutely going to keep reading to see exactly where this goes and what kind of shenanigans go on. Will Lord Snail be rediscovered? Will Awesome be able to move forward??? I just have to know!

But on top of the obviously humorous names and wild plot, there is a lot of depth and hard work that is clearly seen in the writing and each character is unique and fun to read. I think this is truly a five star situation and it can only get better! Well done, author!

Dark Teen Drama

The title is really the best description. Dark teen dramas are so popular right now and this one definitely fits into that list. It has interesting characters and lots of twists and turns that sometimes made me feel absolutely horrified for the characters. Even the beginning of the story pulls no punches.

It's definitely not a story for someone looking for a happy ending or just a happy vibe, but if you want a heavy, dark drama that has a lot of intrigue and shock factor, then this is definitely what you're looking for.

There wasn't really anything I noted as an issue, there were a couple grammatical errors that I noted but nothing that couldn't be cleaned up with a quick run through. Otherwise it was well written.

A strong beginning

I hope you'll be writing more to this, because I'm very intrigued! I'd love to know about this mist, what the significance is to it, and why it's been dark there long enough that the characters appear to be used to it. How mysterious!

I'm also curious to know why each character's name has a ' after the first part of their name. It feels a bit strange, but if a reason is given I'd totally be willing to understand it in the context of the world you're building. Very interested to see more from this.

Eerie!

What a fascinating short piece. It was just the right length, if it had gone on too long it likely would have caused readers to lose interest, but the length is perfect for leaving the reader with a 'wow what did I just read??? that was so creepy!' feeling.

Definitely gives a lot of curiosity about what happened, and why this man became so lost in his grief that he's become absolutely delusional. It definitely gave me call backs to creepy horror movies or horror games where villains are dialoguing somewhere and you can hear them talking to something dead, or to the air, or something else. It has the perfect vibe for that.

I noticed a couple grammatical errors, but nothing too glaring. I almost wondered if it was on purpose because it's his dialogue so maybe his words aren't always coming out just right. Either way, I think your writing style is great and definitely keep up the good work!

A great start!

Six chapters in and I'm already excited to see what's coming next. Your lead character is very strong and confident, and I'm intrigued by that dream sequence she had. I wonder what that means for her? Obviously she doesn't want a suitor, so I'm sure that'll be an area of struggle for her and it'll be interesting to see what her father does.
The world you built and continue to build is very interesting, and even if we're only seeing a part of it because we can only see what the lead sees, I'll be excited to see how it expands in the future. Your writing style is very good, very engaging, and makes me want to read more. Definitely keep up the good work!

Wow

That's really the first thing that came to my mind: wow. This story is simple, but it's so fun and engaging to read! I love the premise of having a guardian angel, or some such creature, always watching for us poor humans as we go about our day and it was so fun to read about the incidents James was rescued from throughout his normal day.

The authors writing style fits the story very well, despite how short it is it ends perfectly for the story. I'd love to see more from this concept and this author. Very well done!

Very interesting Beginning

Stories involving mafia/organized crime are always very interesting, and this one is no different. It's a very dark story with a dark lead, as expected, but I would personally love even more background on him and what led him to do such violent acts. Obviously he's been trained up in this lifestyle, but I just love hearing more about what makes a character into what they are. Still, we get bits and pieces and it's very interesting to follow!
My only suggestion would be to fix the first two chapters- or the intro and prologue I think they are. Making more paragraphs so it's not a massive block of text to read will make it easier for readers! And there are some grammatical errors throughout, but a quick comb over the chapters can clean that up. Otherwise I believe there's a lot of good story fuel here and I'm excited to see what happens. Well done!

Excitement Abounds!

I'm very happy that I had the opportunity to read this- there is so much potential for fun to happen as this goes on! Magic, adventure, intrigue, elves, and humans. It's the perfect recipe for a fun fantasy story. Emma, the lead character, is absolutely charming in her bookworm way and her love of reading is certainly relatable.
The read was very enjoyable, save a few grammatical errors that can be easily remedied. The author has obviously put a lot of love and care into this work and will certainly continue to give great chapters in the future. Well done!

Mystery!

Wow, this is a very strong start. The prologue is great to draw in readers- it's shocking and makes you wonder what led up to that situation! I'm intrigued. The next chapter is a great starter, and I'm looking forward to seeing what these characters do. Definitely a strong start, I can't wait to see more.

Ready for more!

I really enjoy where this story is going. The author has built a vast world with lots of intricate things going on, and characters that are fascinating. The prologue is a little rough, I think if that was cleaned up it would be easier to draw the reader in. Otherwise I really enjoyed reading onward and I think the world being built is going to be worth discovering more about in the future.