J.J. Wit

Atlantis

Writing a dream.

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Breeders - Chapter 4

Good start - great hook. Characters handled well for the most part. A little emotionally confusing in the Pod. Many grammar and spelling errors kept dropping me out.
Mars (co-protag) & Danielson (Antag.) need more development. D's overshare destroys the mystery for the reader - and answers way too many questions.
Human fetus' share stem cells with the mother - meaning damage to her body is repaired at a faster rate than normal. Yes there are permanent physical/mental changes but a number of health benefits to the mother as well - lower incidence of several cancers etc. If this is the "natural route" you may want to consider breastfeeding before the children are taken (bonus of greater trauma? or a way to nurse w/o connection? or not allowed to nurse their own? or they have wetnurses on staff???). The nipple absorbs baby siliva and the mothers milk adjusts to the needs of the growing baby as it's nursing.
Also - How do the breeders really talk or communicate? Would expect higher intellects to find innovative ways to communicate secretly. Suggest researching how inmates operate inside of prisions. Happy writing!

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

I Am Alpha

Good story, moves quickly, nice love story that develops between Cole and Sam - felt like the last chapter should have more of a moment before their mutual realization but it works as a cliff hanger to get me to read the second book (e.g. what do Leah and Stan think are they going to be honest about what's really going on?). First couple of chapters had no paragraphs - so they got easier to read. There are a number of grammar issues that make it harder to read. - frequently used words like at the beginning everyone is screaming, Your/You're - but those are easy to fix. The story is readable and characters likable so you want to keep reading to find out what happens next. Looking forward to your next book!

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