Joanbrett

The Bandit and the Mage

I'm so excited to see where this story goes! I love how you describe setting and break apart your paragraphs for emphasis (i got chills on the "his throne." break)! My bit of constructive criticism is to use those parts where you just use straight dialogue, with no descriptor a little more sparingly, it not only takes away the pauses the situation may have, but it can also lose your reader. Overall though, I'm super excited about this story, your character/setting work is so good :)

Good starting point

I think this has the potential to be a really well-done and thought-out story with heavy religious influence! My one cc is simply you get a little lost in your descriptions, to the point where your text becomes blocky. This could potentially cause you to lose a reader midway through. However, I think if you break this up and loosen some of the dialogue, this can be a really amazing story! xoxo Joni :)

Compelling!

I only read the first chapter, but I can already tell I'm in for a treat! Your storytelling, and formatting of dialogue are so beautiful and enticing! Cannot wait to keep reading :)

lunfe

Wonderful writing that contributes to such detailed and well-laid-out world-building! I'm so excited to keep reading!

DRNN

I loveeeee a good mystery with a well-developed setting and characters, and I think this is a strong start to just that! Though sometimes it made your text a little 'boxy' you really have a knack for showing your reader exactly what you envision, and I think the setting you have created is also going to strengthen this connection between you and your reader.

I'm excited to keep reading!

Playground

I've only started on the first chapter, but I"m excited to see where this is headed! I think the writing is a little stiff at points, but that is easily covered by the intrigue of the story. Looking forward to seeing where this goes :)