Juzme34

Holladay

Christian writer of many different genre

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Fascinating

The story is great, filled with moments of all emotions.
But it does need editing as several sentences have dropped words, wrong words, and misspelled words.

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different, but good

As an American it took me a bit to adjust to the differences in the way a high school is run. 3 years instead of 4, lunch anywhere in the school, not just a cafeteria, and things like that. There are a few inconsistencies in the story such as she didn't move in with only her brother until she was 12, but in her defense when talking about a previous action that had to take place after they were living without her parents she says I was only 10. Many minor grammatical errors, wrong words etc. The most annoying of which is the common mistake of ending things inside a quotation with a comma instead of a period. The other thing that bothers me a bit is that the guy in her own grade who almost practically rapes her she then sets up with a friend a few months later. I get that he was helpful with her other friend's bad situation, but that doesn't change the way he acted when alone with her and I find disturbing that she would set a friend up with someone who was so aggressive when alone with her.

All that being said the story was great. The characters are well defined, and the story really draws you in.

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Great Story

Great story. Didn't want to put it down.
Needs a little editing, there's some sentences that are incomplete, and a few other minor problems.

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Really pulls you in

The story is great, an interesting idea of what the future could hold if everything changed.
Needs editing. Most common mistake being trail instead of trial. A few dropped words, and odd sentences.

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The story is great, but needs editing

The story is great, and plot twists are interesting.
However, there's numerous places where the point of view changes without warning, the wrong gender is used in a sentence, it changes from third party to first person, words are dropped in a sentence or the sentence structure is confusing. This causes the reader to have to constantly re-read sentences and mentally edit as they go, which gets old and frustrating fast.

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Sweet

Some minor edits needed. A good read through should catch them.

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Sweet

Short and sweet with only minor edits needed.

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Thoroughly enjoyed

Only minor grammar problems, nothing worth losing a star over. The story is unique and interesting. Can't wait for the sequel.

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Needs editing, but story is great.

The story is great, nice theme of Love conquers all. But it reads like English is not the authors first language. Sentences have odd structure, sometimes a word is missing, or it's not quite the right word, like fuzzy instead of fussy quitens instead of quiets,and other edits like occasional use of past tense when the majority of the story is present tense. Wrong pronoun being used for characters. Do a good run through and it would flow nicely.

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Good, could be better

Bunch of minor mistakes, like too instead of to, and other things that could be fixed with a quick edit reading.

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Really good

The story is great, some sad moments, and the first chapter talking about other people's zombie stories was pointless, because it's also well written into the story line. I think it would be better if the news station had some originality, like saying the Z war has come! Instead of the popular title of a book/movie. There's also several minor word and grammar problems that need editing.

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Going good

The story is great. However it could use a little editing.

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Conflicting story line

While there's some editing that needs to be done my biggest problem is that ch 14 of this book goes directly against the last chapter of the first book, where Quinn meets the Luna and says that she's marked but not mated.

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Great but needs editing

The story pulls you in and keeps you there, but there are numerous small mistakes that need editing. Most recent being you wrote opps instead of oops.

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Awesome but needs editing

The most annoying thing is the constant mixing of from and form, but there are many typos that need to be fixed.

The story itself is intriguing but constantly having to edit on my head is frustrating.

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Great story, but needs a little editing

[email protected]

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Intrigued

An interesting accidental abduction, with inventive explanations of their technology.

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needs work, but good.

This story is currently unfinished, and I definitely want to see how it ends, but there are numerous areas that need work as well. Such as your paragraph breaks are in the strangest places. There should be a new paragraph whenever someone new is talking. It is frustrating to constantly have to stop and figure out who said what. There are some dropped words and you have a habit of repeating the same word in the same clump, thankfully it isn't the same word throughout the story. The main problem I have with the plot is you want the MC and the fuckboy to get together, but if they do he wins the stupid bet. I think it would work better if there was still one girl he hadn't slept with besides her, and by committing to her he gives up on his bet, but that's me. Also it comes off as a diary or something, you might want to consider either changing from the first person view, or adding a lot more about her emotions and stuff as she goes through everything- currently it is a bit flat, matter of fact this happened, followed by this. You want people to connect with all her emotions not just her physical attraction. Ethan is not only the guy who tries to make a move on MC, but also the one to trick them into talking, maybe one of those things should be done by one of the other guy friends. You have a really good base for this story, once you iron out the kinks, and fatten it up with a little substance, and end it, it could be great!!

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Intruging

Once I started reading I didn't want to stop. A few minor grammatical errors caught my attention, but a quick edit can fix those. I found the main character's view interesting, and her thinking process a bit odd. Yet it was easy to follow her train of thought. The story ends with the reader wanting to know what happens next which is always good if you are planning a series. I do feel bad for the one uninfected guy living among the infected, talk about hard to maintain celibacy.. The skipping forward and then going back to explain thing was a bit hard to follow at times, because it happens suddenly without warning. I understand the need for the way the story unfolds, but maybe warn two days later or later that day when leaping forward. Over all Great story.

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Intriguing story

The author catches the emotions of both the patient and the lead scientist well. Te reader can't help but wonder how waking a person up is going to save the human race, let alone prove cy-humans aren't horrible.. But the story does need a good editing. Sometimes the words are the wrong tense, a word is dropped, or a similar word is used. It comes off as English is not the first language of the author. Also the lack of speech tags makes it hard to follow who is talking.. One other note, why take the time to slowly interrupt the story with back story details just to have it all repeated in one fluid statement in front of the board? Repetition should be done as little as possible. But I love how the Lead scientist cares so much for her patient, even if it is slightly self serving to do so.

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