Kai Asper

Writer, Aspiring Novelist, Feedback welcome.

No published stories yet

No followers yet

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Made Me Think

The plot didn't have as much suspense as the first story, but it delivered in the way it made me think about various real world events. Jack abusing his own knowledge and skills by creating his minions showed no one has a 100% clear conscience, and we live and forgive ourselves by what we believe in--in Bruce Hance's case, the greatness of his scummy being.

I definitely loved the fact that the alien saviors were wearing their version of E-hancers, but the end felt rushed. And I suppose I would have loved to read more about the impact, the implications, and relevance of Jack's work with the AI and all that. I would have loved it if Jack's actions had more consequence in the story. There's also a lack of stakes, which led to low suspense. And what is there isn't laid out to show the struggles Jack is facing.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed this story, but for different reasons than the first. The first felt like a concept being played out, the second (sequel) felt like an examination of the concept. The first was a short story, this one felt like an essay--it was more direct with the things it wanted to say.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Gripped

You had me hooked to the story from start to finish. You raised the stakes so well, going from personal inner-turmoil to alienation to life and death till everything combined in the end for the ultimate "will he do it?" The story came full circle, answering the question Jack had but in a different way. Jack found relief by submitting to the E-hancer, not to the gun.

Your writing style fits the first person perspective and has an honest quality to it. I haven't felt this thrilled in a long time, filled with suspense and dread for the character.

Read the story now

No badges received yet

About Us

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.