KaplEn

Orem

I write stories as a hobby and a way to de-stress; occasionally.

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Powerfully Disturbing

About halfway through I could see where this was going and couldn't help but smile to myself. It seems our expectations of others can really begin to distort the world we live in; especially if we value and respect that individuals opinion. Well done.

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Excellent Read!

I like the flow and style of the story (it was enjoyable to read and I recommend it). It reads like a "Quinten Tarantino" screenplay (first person narrative), but without the traditional screenplay formatting. I honestly believe that if the screenplay formatting was added to each chapter in the story, it would give more continuity to the reader (and bring new life to some awesome scenes).

The characters have good voices (not 2 dimensional planks of wood running around). The characters have flaws and weaknesses they have to work around (no "Mary Sues"; which I like to see in good writing). The characters seems natural; As a matter-of-fact, it reminded me of hanging out with some of my own friends. it was good! I got nostalgic.

As for the plot of the story; it kinda reads like a free-write towards the last few chapters (10, and 11). Which had me questioning whether the Author new the direction she wanted to take. Which isn't bad, just needs more development (in my opinion).

The writing style is good. Its full of imagery and emotional expression from each character (which makes for a interesting read and a good story). This is why I recommend the story to who ever is reading this. The author drives everything through conversation and dialog.

As to the technical skill's; There are occasional awkward sentence and expressions that need to be addressed; and different punctuation that could be used here and there, but nothing that a few edits (and proof reading) can clear up. Honestly, grammar and punctuation are hard to get right the first time. I have written several books (nothing good mind you) and the punctuation mistakes creep into the damn story without noticing, (so I don't see it as a loss for technical ability). The author gets the job done.

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