Don’t Fall In
Game of Thrones Fan? My guess is yes. Only a true fan would recognize another. In my many years, only in the popular series, I have heard the Finance director, or the equivalent referred to as the master of coins. Yet grammatically, the author didn’t get it right. Master of coins shouldn’t be master of coins, but Master of Coin. Proper nouns need to be capitalized.
Read the story now
There are plenty of proper nouns that are not correct in this book. Twenty nine reviews so far and everyone of you have missed this. A title given to any person should be capitalized. So how the author has a five star review on grammar and punctuation alone has me shaking my head at the future novelists of our age. Holy cow did you all fail grammar or did you not care? My guess is you didn’t care. Because if you did, you would realize that to help your friend (virtual or otherwise) you would give them the truth and not do them a favor. In this case a favor is not helping. I will not get on my high horse as this is not the time to do so. Let’s get on with the review.
First, the characters are flat. Totally two dimensional. In a story told in first person, there needs to be more dialog to understand the characters around the main character, or I need to really feel what…what…Holy cow. Um Eleanor. I think is her name. I really need to feel what Eleanor is feeling. I might have the spelling of her name wrong, but hey, the story is great right! Not really.
I am on chapter fourteen, and yeah, I have thought of giving up quite a few times, but curiosity more than anything is keeping me going. So I keep going…
Tense is all over the place. Past and present, can be seen in literally one sentence. If the author is not a natural English speaker, I will give grace to that, since English is hard to learn. But a natural English speaker, there is no excuse. If the author is a natural English speaker, well…
I opened the chapter list (as I always do) to find that not only do the chapters have a number, but a title as well. e.g. Chapter 28: A kiss of Truth. That is great. Give your readers some sense of where your story is headed. But get to chapter 29, and the two most important things go missing.
The Calm Before Storm, should be, Chapter 29: The Calm Before Storm. Not to mention, Chapter 28 should be titled, A Kiss of Truth.
Holy cow, there are so many grammatical errors in this work, that it the punctuation and grammar should be rated no higher than three stars. But because the author has an intense following, they will do anything they can to help their friend succeed (I am older, and will never understand this).
You need an editor in the worst way sweets. Your plot is good, but your inexperience shows. If you ever want to sell a story, you need to pull away from the people who will praise you because they like you, and find someone who will give you honesty.
In this business, that is it and that is all.