Gabriel

Gabriel is a woman in her late twenties who wants to write and share her stories when she's not busy crying over her back pain, diet program, and existential crisis. Her jokes are lame and awkward.

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Oozing with Potential

I have a soft spot for strong female characters. I like how assertive and vindictive Lola is. It made me wonder... what exactly did she go through?

The first sentence is good. It has character. It sets the mood right away.

There are grammatical errors and that's okay. Sometimes it gets a little distracting, not gonna lie, but what I like about this is how the author can express herself despite the lapses in grammar and punctuation. I had no problem understanding what she wanted to say in her story. A little polish here and there, a few more descriptions to make scenes more vivid, and this could totally fly!

Keep it up. I love the passion and the effort you put into this! I will always support a writer who loves his/her craft.

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I Like Where This is Going

Having to say goodbye to the love of your life... No words could explain exactly how hard that is. Waited five years, thought he was dead, but now he's back! Can't wait to see how Bash is gonna make Mila warm up to him again.

I noticed that you switch from present tense to past tense though, so that threw me off a little bit. There were typos, nothing too glaring. Could be easily fixed.

I suggest putting the translation of the Spanish sentences/phrases at the end of each chapter. I don't understand what they mean, but I'd love to know so a translation would be great!

I'm not sure how I feel about the POV switching from Mila to Bash. It feels okay, but it might get confusing after a while. Or maybe it's just me. Regardless, I look forward to how you're gonna write Bash's POV. I find it difficult to write male POV, so this is definitely interesting to me.

Overall, I think you're off to a good start!

EDIT: I think your book would draw in more readers if you have a better book cover. Check out Canva.com, they make cover making really easy. Hope this helps!

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Interesting!

This is a review for the first 7 chapters. I will update this once I've finished the book.

At first I thought this was solely a story about love and coping with the memories of the past. I was curious why they broke up. Then there's this apocalypse and suddenly, I am not just curious, but also very much intrigued. I wanted to know more about what's happening around them. I wanted more descriptions and insight on how they feel about the whole thing.

I understand that Jo and Carra have unsettled romantic feelings toward one another, but I feel like the way they responded to the apocalypse was borderline dismissive, like it wasn't a matter of life and death. I was expecting them to worry about their family, friends, and other loved ones, like how a normal person would if something catastrophic happened to the world. I was expecting fear and panic when they saw blood trails and the wolf-like creature, but they were too chill about it in my opinion. If I were Jo, I would surely still be very aware of Carra's presence, but I wouldn't be too absorbed in my lingering feelings for her if something sinister was hovering above our heads.

I think it just needed the right kind of balance in expressing their emotions either through words or body language.

I was also quite confused in the beginning as I didn't know the explosions and rumbling actually meant the world was being attacked by some unnatural force. It didn't cross my mind that it was an apocalypse of some sort until they met up outside and talked about going to the city to check on other people. It felt too... casual? I think I was looking for a more intense execution (from the moment she noticed the rumble up to the time they raided the mall and saw the creature), something that would make me feel like what happened was a big deal because it was indeed a big deal. After all, it's not everyday that people vanish and you see blood on the floor, right?

I do want to continue reading, though! Because I wanna know what the heck is happening to the world and how Jo and Carra's story will turn out. And maybe they responded to the apocalypse this way due to a reason that I'd find out only if I reach the end of the book. I'm in for the rest of the ride for sure.

There are very few lapses in dialogue tags and punctuation, but nothing too glaring. I think I saw some inconsistency with the tenses as well.

Overall, I think this is worth reading! Good job!

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Can't Wait to Read More!

I'm a big fan of murder mysteries or stories about missing people. I loved how this started! If a story can keep me guessing, I'll surely be in for the rest of the ride. Can't wait to read about all the nasty secrets they're hiding! In terms of writing, I think punctuation can be improved. Sometimes, a period is used instead of a comma, and it kinda disrupts the reading voice in my head. Other than that, loved the way you wrote this! You put just the right amount of descriptions to make sure the readers can picture the scene vividly, but you don't go overboard and I'm grateful for that. For someone like me who has an attention span of a gnat, that means a lot. Thank you!

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