Kevyn Baskerville

Slice of Life Romance

I like how sweet their relationship is. It's the simple things that really get a relationship going. One of the things I liked also was how Marcus as a character was relatable on a more human level.

I did notice some grammatical errors like misplaced quotation marks and missing punctuation marks like periods and commas. You may need to read up on dialogue tags. It can do a great deal of impact if you edit it further.

Other than that, keep up the good work!

A nice psychology thriller

While some people would complain about the sudden shift of emotions, I found it to be quite realistic because the protagonist was grappling with two things: loss of his father and his nightmares. The protagonist's moody and volatile demeanor represents a person grappling with intense loss while at the same time trying to go back to normal. The "supernatural" adds a nice touch to it as the world is slowly representing what he wished in his own mind. It's a good read for those who want something supernatural which isn't all screaming and running away from demons.

So Far So Good

The story so far simply has an introduction but it shows that the characters are rich in terms of personality. They have prominent traits and the sorts, which is a good thing. I won't rate fully until I've seen at least a few more chapters :) But the writing style isn't too dragging which is good so I'll keep this on the reading list.

A Good Read!

Going through it, it was a little confusing at first but the story in itself is good. It shows different sides of magic - the divine spectrum, arcane spectrum and, the dark spectrum which really shows the characters' personalities. Going through the chapters so far, the plotline seems to be good as well - the whole hunting down the witches thing. It's a modern depiction of the Salem Witch Hunts which is something worth looking at.

Not really my cup of tea but still..

I don't usually read playwright style stories. Most of the times, I get confused because it's hard to visualize the emotions. But this one seemed to be able to expression the emotion that Margo was feeling despite it being in playwright. I could feel the frustration felt when she turned vampire and couldn't control her powers. Although there were some minor punctuation issues, it can be fixed after re-skimming through the chapters. :) But nonetheless keep on writing, stories can never be completely judged until they're finished. :)

It's doing well so far

The story sounds good on first read. Although I can't say much about the plot yet because of it's only one chapter. But nonetheless, it seems to come off at a good start - the whole "get-sucked-into-a-storybook" kind of thing. The introduction actually reminds me of that one from How to Train Your Dragon, how Hiccup introduces Berk. Maybe you can put more gestures than just tagging with "said" - maybe more actions that would dictate their mood instead of saying what their mood is. :) Anyway, looking forward to see what this will progress to!

Realistic Cathartic Romance

Most people fail to cover the erraticness of an abusive relationship. One moment it's all lovey-dovey and the next moment, it's not. The beauty of this novel is that it tackles that inconsistency on both sides. Though I wasn't too fond of how the dialogues were kinda stuck together and that there were paragraphs with a lot of "I's" but I did like the pacing of how the story goes.

Unique Take on Vampires

Thank God it's not one of those "I-fell-in-love-with-a-vampire" novel! I was honestly getting tired of those! The beauty of this book comes from the duality of humanity wherein there are primal instincts and there's the human understanding of emotions and social constructs. What I liked about Clay as he was written was how well the writer balanced him between the line of good and evil; monster and human. I also like how the conflict within himself was depicted - he showed that he hated being kind (or what he defined as being human) but also ironically stopped himself from being a monster. It was a good read and I can't wait to see what happens at the end of the book.

A Good Closure

One thing I liked about this is that you perfectly captured how House had difficulty expressing himself. The conflict of his self-loathing and desire to be liked by Wilson was captured perfectly here especially when he didn't think about Cuddy but more on Wilson's approval. As a longtime House, M.D. fan, if something like this came out, I would declare it as canon.

Great job!

Good Concept

"This was made during ongoing status."

This story has an original concept where colors can decide a person's ability. While it's a nice concept, the grammatical errors can get a little distracting. However, it's clear that the story is improving as it goes along especially with describing certain scenes. So, keep on writing. There's a lot of potential with an original concept.

Well Narrated Mystery

The writing style reminds me very much of a mystery novel mixed with a tabletop simulator game where it's often done in the present tense rather than past tense. While I'm not too much of a fan of using the present tense, this story used it well and it was still able to convey the feelings that each of the characters had. May I suggest however that instead of using a variety of manners of speaking, add other actions (like pulling hair, waving their arms, etc,)? It may add more flavor and dynamism to your characters so that people may be able to visualize them more.

I finished it in one go

I loved it! I definitely liked how you incorporated African values and how their society can be unfair to women who are unable to fulfill their role as a woman. I like also the injection of the African language also. Though, maybe you can instead make it italicized? I was a bit confused for a moment until I saw the parenthesis that stated the translation.

Nonetheless, it was a great story!

It's a good story!

I like the plot of how it started as a prophecy. It somewhat reminded me about the myth of the City of Atlantis. Although, I think your dialogue could use a little more work. It seemed a little choppy for me but describing the scenery over all is what made the story immersive.