Kilombero

Review of In the Distance, I exist

Hi there

Thanks for the opportunity to read your story - I admit it took an interesting turn when you noted that Ella "felt pain" - I went back and read again to see why that would be: I was intrigued.

In general, most enlightening and well worth the read. Being a bit of a grammar Nazi, I would like to point out a few places you could fix things up: - my general comment is that perhaps your sentences are too long which then results in sometimes incorrect punctuation. Perhaps try to shorten (and so tighten) your sentences - and check punctuation.

An example would be:
...not yet found, today though, there would was...

Perhaps you needed to have a full-stop after "found" and started a new sentence on "Today"?

In the paragraph containing the sentence "...another , room told to..." you need to check all the punctuation. I battled with the flow of your writing because of this and I really wanted to read more and not stay stuck trying to figure out what you were telling me......

The odd spelling error as well - Mother's face was TAUT not taught...

I do hope you don't mind my comments - use them, lose them *smile* - I enjoyed your writing but really needed to be able to flow with it a bit more.

Well done and keep it coming.
Many thanks
Kerry (Kilombero)