Jupiter's Pen

Great start!

This story has really great bones; the plot, the original lyrics and the characters are all wonderful. I just wish we got a little slower of a pace for some scenes. Overall, though, I'm really excited to see where you take this story. Obviously it's not perfect but no story is but I think you're headed in a prosperous direction and with a bit more practice you could be a best seller one day if that's your dream. I would love it if you linked an audio recording of the original songs in your story I think it would give it a lot more depth and would make reading it enjoyable and more fun. I really like Lila's characterization, when we first hear about her she's a "man-stealer" and we're meant to dislike her, but when we're introduced to her we can pick out likable qualities in her character whether they're real or not. I think that makes for an excellent story when you're able to like the supposed villain. Anyways, again I'm really excited to read more of this and see what happens between Chloe, Lila and Carter. Keep up the great work!

An Okay Read

I will be completely honest, the grammatical errors and spelling mistakes really makes this difficult to read. Also I think it would be able to discern whether someone is speaking kutloud or thinking by using italics because I've had to reread a few parts due to lack of clarification. The descriptions were great as far as settings and characters physical descriptions go. In the beginning it was really hard to sympathize with any character even the main. I'll be hoenst I haven't read that far, but what I have read was an okay read and I think once it's revised it'll be a great read.

Interesting

I used to read stories like this a loot when I was younger and this really did take me back to those days. It had your typical, dangerous bad boy and your damsel in distress; a match you can't go wrong with. I'm not the biggest fan of cruel, senseless violence, but I did enjoy the overall story of being saved from an abusive environment and being treated with unsuspecting kindness. This is a good story and I hope to see more of it in the future !

A mind blowing experience!

This short story gave me the same vibes as an analog horror and I can truly see this being produced as an indie short horror film. The meta in this piece is so amazing and so creepy and gives you a sense of unease. The build up, the tension, the execution was phenomenal and in such a short format you got a full picture that leaves you wanting more. This was beautifully written despite its grammar flaws, but I was willing to overlook it for the story and that's how you know a piece of media is good! This was great and I would love to know more about the ADC, the entity that wrote humanity into existence and more about Francis and Jerry. I cannot express enough how amazing I think this is.

I really want to like it....

I only know PJO by the movies but they were very enjoyable so I was excited to read an original rendition of the story especially know that the PJO universe is heavy rooted in greek mythology. I enjoy the premise but the execution...
The things I did enjoy while reading was the establishment of Willow and Evelyn's lives and how they were different from one another. I do wish we got to see more of their family dynamics, though. I also liked the introduction to their powers and the little hints of what they're capable of. I was a bit confused on the plot point of how they got to camp halfblood and what actions took place during that time.
I had hoped the plot would be better paced I think the beginning was a tad rushed and the chapters are possibly too short but that's okay.
This story needs tweaking and I'm sure with a lot of time and effort it can turn into a really good story with a good pace and a more comprehensive writing style. I hope this doesn't discourage the authors as I do see their writing potential so I do want to encourage them to keep practicing and keep writing! The more a person writes the better they become and one day I'm sure you'll get one of your works