I am usually not one to read short stories which could explain why I was left with a feeling of 'what did I just read.'
Read the story now
First: I think the best character out of them all was Lyra. She was well developed, courageous, and unexpected for a princess. After I met her, I found myself looking forward to reading more about her throughout the rest of the story.
Second: I didn't really see a plot?? However, again, I am used to reading long stories where there is a beginning, middle, and end. Within this, all I found were a couple of battles used to pull two characters together, introduce others, but then randomly jump to something else. There never really seemed to be a moment for me to catch up to what was happening. It was a large flurry of activity that left my mind spinning.
Third: 'He used his great, big, diaphragm to sigh so joyfully, so loudly, that in fact John heard him over the clamor.' Would this type of description be considered over exaggeration?? Yes, we know his diaphragm is large, but it feels as if reiterating that fact does not help to convey the imagery. Instead, it feels unnecessary.
Fourth: The words spoken by the mage, when he calls everyone fools, gave me pause because I wondered, do mage's really say that? Do they fall into the cliche of saying fools? When I read the words, I imagined Bowser in the mage's place trying to conquer Mario. It felt childish, but this is a comedy and that could have been what you were going for?
Fifth: 'His victims eyes popped loose from the blow and rolled trails of blood along the granite floor.' Loved the imagery here.
Sixth: '"Good observation!" John screamed as he ran onward.' This part seemed rushed and by this point I viewed John as a childish hero. He doesn't strike me as someone to admire, but someone to chastise. Again, this could be something you were going for, but his personality was not one I fell in love with.
Seventh: When John sat in the chair, I almost expected an explanation as to why he was at the castle. A sort of, how I got here memoir, to help clarify what I was reading. Instead, the next sentence rushed into the introduction of the princess and I was like, 'oh okay, were moving on then.' lol. It was one of those moments where I felt rushed through the story and didn't have time to absorb and understand.
Eighth: The one bad thing I have to say of Lyra is how easily she was about to disrobe for the bad guy. Later on she talks of how he is gross and she's glad to be away, but then why, earlier on, was she about to be like, okay lets disrobe without any questions asked?? She didn't protest once to the suggestion and that striked me as odd.
Ninth: When the bad guy screamed he was accosted and needed help, I almost expected him to say "I've fallen and I can't get up!" Mixed emotions. I wanted to chuckle because of Lyra's words, but also I was like meh can't he say something less cheesy?
Tenth: The sleepy stuff. Chloroform. Wouldn't someone using the sleepy stuff know the name of it?? Or was this another moment for comedy?
Eleventh: 'hella pissed.' Did they say hella during this time period? Or another moment for comedy?
Twelth: The no. really. no. really. I couldn't imagine if John was just repeating the word really? Or if he was changing his tone to try and wheedle himself into her good graces. And then the no. ugh. fine. I felt Lyra gave up to easily there. I would've enjoyed it if it had just ended at no, a declaration of her stubbornness and character.
Thirteenth: The strawberry comment gave me pause. Was that meant to be dirty? Seems a bit out of place.
Fourteenth: When was it ever a good idea to drink when you realize the princess has been taken by goblins? I didn't find that humorous. I found it ridiculous actually. It didn't make sense! And it felt as if it were an attempt at something funny, as if the writer read through the story, then said I need something else. And without much thought made the hero drunk for funsies. It wasn't a part of the story I was partial towards. Maybe if they were in a bar and were drinking together, and she was taken from there? It might have flowed better, but the hero now drunk was an abrupt addition and it just didn't flow in my mind.
Fifteenth: If John is talking while drunk, and Minsor and Lyra are close by, how did none of them hear him before he charged into the clearing?? Another thing that didn't make sense to me.
Sixteenth: The last paragraph was a cute way to end.
Overall, it was a meh kind of short story for me. Usually when I read something, I expect it to make sense. If a character does something, there's a reason for it. When some of the characters did things that didn't make sense it was off putting and I found myself wondering, why instead of laughing.
There were some great parts. Great imagery. Lyra was a strong character, but not everything was all there for me.