Marlowefan

Fluff

I'm sorry I booked this. This novel wasn't what I was expecting. Though it's quite well written, the previous reviews led me to believe it would be a fantastic read, but I was sorely disappointed. It's a story about love that's in love with itself. Pretentious. Nothing to see here, folks.

Shakespeare it's not...

Though this story was technically pretty well written, I found the style to read much more like a script for a stageplay than a story. It didn't work for me at all. The 'Hamletesque' theme was apparent, but the characters had little depth, and the plot was quite hard to follow. The ogres were a bit confusing, at one point becoming trolls instead.

As it's only a prologue, I'll give the benefit of the doubt and say this story could improve over time.

The author has good technical skills, though there are quite a few typo's, but needs some work on emotive characterisation and story flow.

Thanks for posting. I'll keep an eye on it to see how it goes.

The Best Writer EVER!!!!

I have nothing critical to say about this!!! The author is a FREAKING GENIUS!!!! I've never read anything so wonderful in my entire, pitiful life!!! I'm so blessed to have read this novel, I feel like I've been born again!!! He made me believe in vampires!!! Just.... WOW! dapharOAh69, I bow before your incredible, otherworldly talent!! You are just too amazing, it's hard to believe that the world has been blessed with someone who writes so brilliantly. It shines! It dazzles!! I think I'm going blind!!! Oh my lord, I'm shaking with excitement, it's soooo fantastic!! How can I repay you?? This book should be published immediately, and wow, here's an idea, HOW ABOUT A TV SERIES!!! You are truly a king amongst men. I am humbled.

This deserves to be on the New York Times bestseller list for like, ever!!!I'm in love!!!I can't stand up, because, you know, I'd embarrass myself!! Oh, I''m having paroxysms of joy! Tears are streaming down my face!! I especially loved the bit where.. ummm the vampire bit someone! This novel is truly, truly spectacular!! I feel so sorry for anyone who doesn't read it. It's just so good! I'm keeping a copy on my phone so I can read it out loud to people on the bus!!! I just... I think I'm gonna have a heart attack now. This novel has affected me both physically and emotionally!! The writer is an amazing guy!! FAR OUT! This is the best book in the universe!! I'm fainting!!! Read it, everyone!!! He's DA MAN!!! I just can't get enough.
I loved the bit where... the vampire bit someone else!!! The plot is so well executed, The vampire he's just... wow!!! I can't recommend it highly enough!! In fact, I don't think I'm worthy of it!! But I'm definitely going to read it out loud on the bus. Maybe I'll make a sandwich board! Yeah!! Go dapharOAh69!! Write more about vampires biting people, please! I'm wetting myself!!! Please please please, people, the man is a PROPHET!!! He's AMAZING!! And I love the bit where the... vampire BIT SOMEONE THAT HE HADN'T BIT YET!! Seriously, it's great. Read it, it's heaps better than my review. .

Narcissistic.

So many reviewers for this "story" have given it top notch, 5 star ratings. I had a look because I was amazed that one author could be so incredibly talented - indeed many called him a "genius" and rated the story "the best novel on Inkitt"...

I began to wonder when I noticed the author's username 'dapharoah69" was misspelled. Pharaoh is spelled with an AO, not an OA. Any genius would know this. Several quite long reviews included copy and pasted text from the novel itself, and almost all of them simply referred to parts of the story as their favourite bit. Not a single one (of 52 reviews) had any actual critique whatsoever..

Many talked about the author himself, and what an amazing transition he'd been through from 'homelessness to one of the best authors to ever set pen to paper' (my own words). I can sympathise, having been homeless in the past, but every reviewer must know him personally, and love him to death, because, try as I might, I can't find a bio for this author.

Here's some actual critique, dapharoah69.

Your writing is, frankly, illegible. There are so many errors (ie, jumping from tense to tense within a single sentence) that the story comes across as juvenile. It has very little technical merit whatsoever.

The subject matter is actually painful. It's been done so many times, by so many better writers, that it stands out only as the work of an author who has no ideas at all.

The writing style is childish, yet supremely egotistical. Narcissism abounds. I'd go on, but I'm out of adjectives to describe how poorly written this story actually is.

It deserves neither publication, nor its own television series.

dapharoah69 you definitely ain't 'da man'.

You ought to be ashamed. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

Marlowefan.

tense issues... as always.

Dapharoah69, the self-styled genius, really needs to practice his tenses. The story is every bit as badly written as the first two volumes in this pointless series. The language flips between hip vernacular and antiquated doggerel, perhaps to somehow justify itself. I don't know, it just doesn't ring true.

With two chapters complete so far, I still have no idea what's going on, or who the characters are meant to be. They're two dimensional, done to death vampires, and frankly, they're just irritating..

I'd give this guy a lot more encouragement if he wasn't so full of himself, but as he's annoyed so many on this site by trying to stay on the front page for months at a time, by begging all his friends (or whatever) for constant 5 star reviews, I'll have to pass. There's no helping a narcissist. Please don't encourage him.

You can come and leave my story a bad review if you're offended by this review, but again, it's just honest.

Dapharoah69 needs to take creative writing classes, and he needs to get his hand off it.

Man, get some idea of structure, plot and for crying out loud STOP mixing your tenses! It makes your stuff near impossible to read, and actually impossible to take seriously.

I'm not hating on you, though you've done it to me, I just want you to get a hold of yourself and actually improve.

Good luck, dapharoah69.

Marlowefan.