Martin Sharratt

Finland

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91 days

Hello Moi Moi.

I have read all you have posted of your ongoing story Ninety One Days. The title and theme alone engaged my interest, and I felt kindly drawn to the melancholic, slightly cynical/sarcastic character of Alastor in the prologue.

Can't say too much because your story is ongoing. I am curious about the clocks and their ability to predict the amount of time a person has left to live, and hope for more discourse on that point as the plot unfolds.

Mostly, it is well-written, with occasional errors, which you will probably spot yourself if you take time to edit with care. Like in the sixth chapter, you write 'I've never been alone with a girl before, especially not with a pretty girl like Izumi.'

I like the story so far. It is both heart-warming and heart breaking, and the slow, easy pace of your writing enhances its curious, dissonant mood.

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Up to and including Chapter Three

Hello Kenneth. I read the first three chapters. Overall, I would say you write pretty well, with a steady flow. You have occasional issues with spelling and punctuation. Intriguing story so far though, and a noble quest! The gold; in what physical format is it in? Would it seem to be from the future to the characters in the past? page 25; the Scottish accent - 'What be name of you two, yee giants.' It's a mishmash of Scottish and English, and such a short sentence there's no need to accentuate. Or, include it in the story. Or something like 'whit's the name o' youz giants?' I may come back and read more at some point because I'm curious.

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Supervillain

Hello Christion. Okay, I think Supervillain is a great story, which has the potential to expand to become a novel or novella. A story of a man's ambition to rule over humankind, and the consequence of achieving dominion and maintaining it.

The main character is a tyrant, yet with a heart of gold. A broken soul who transforms negativity into positivity, and creates a world the world has always wished to live in. Yet; the New World Order is in the control of this one man, and his mortality will allow any number of scenarios to manifest once his reign has come to an end, as it is with all those who reach the pinnacles of power.

Great! Very well written, apart from a few paragraphs that could use a little tidying up. I offer an edit for the first paragraph of chapter four;

All who envied the man, hated him, and feared he would do more harm than good in the world, devised a plan to take him down. They failed, each and every time.

Thanks for writing, Christion!

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Darkness

I think you are a very talented poet, Moon Knight. Your poem entitled 'Darkness' reminded me of a short poem I wrote many years ago. It is unpublished, and I would like to dedicate it to you, if I may;

Lost in his black world
Sick with the gravity of it
He picks the last apple
As though it were the first

Dedicated to Moon Knight

May you be forever inspired

Martin Sharratt

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Funky Funkle

Great story, Heather! Pleasingly human. The accidental breaks in the paragraphs interrupt the flow. Good if you can sort them out.

Wondering whether you should give away so much at the very beginning, though?

Thanks for writing

Martin Sharratt

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