Mary Chidiac

Canada

Just an aerialist who likes to write things.

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Fantastic!

This story has me hooked! Really great gradual world building that kept me on my toes and you did a really great job of building tension and suspense! Fendrel is a super interesting protagonist - I can't wait to learn more about him, I feel like there's more to him than meets the eye. And the whole world you've created is great! I can tell you've put a lot of effort into creating the world and having it make sense. I didn't notice any grammar mistakes and the style flowed really nicely!
Overall great job! :)

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Compelling!

I’m loving this so far! There is so much mystery and intrigue around Elle, I can’t wait to find out more about her and her role in the story. The writing style is good and flows nicely, and I couldn’t find any grammar mistakes so far. Overall nice job, and I can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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Great start!

What a great first impression! Lots of mystery and a great hook right from the start! Can’t wait to see what happens next for these characters. A few grammar mistakes and run on sentences here and there, nothing to pull me out of the story or anything, just something to note (I’m so bad for run on sentences so it tends to be something I notice because I do it so much in my own writing :p) but an excellent start! Great job of defining/describing the world/characters as well, nice clear descriptions that weren’t overwhelming. Overall fantastic job! :)

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A great read!!

Overall, I enjoyed reading through this.
Zoe was a very compelling character, and it was interesting to watch her life journey and
watch her never fully being able to unravel the mystery of her parents. I thought the plot
moved quickly and made sense for the most part, my only issue was the twist with Vivian at
the end. But the twist with the mom – pretty good. I noticed some grammar and spelling
mishaps, but nothing that can’t be fixed with some edits :) I think everything flowed well,
no glaring plot holes, but I do think the beginning, could be a little stronger. Overall a
great story with lots of twists and turns, and lots of compelling characters that I really
enjoyed reading about. Great job! :)

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Potential!

I think this has potential! Dark romance is generally not my genre of choice, but I think the characters are intriguing, especially Vittorio. Why can’t he feel pain? Why is he so different from his father? There’s lots of intrigue there and you do a good job with building that up.
I know you said that this is under construction a bit, but I noticed a few grammar mistakes. Namely, run on sentences and some errors with tenses and things like that. Also, I wanted to say thank you for giving me forewarning that this story is dark romance, as it allowed me to get into the right headspace to read this, which is necessary for me for reasons I won’t get into here. If you want, you could put a disclaimer or trigger warning at the beginning just so people know what is coming as well, but I leave that up to you :)
Overall, I’m intrigued by this story and I think you have something really good going here.

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Love this!!

Right from the beginning I was hooked. The way you describe things is so - perfect, I don't know how else to describe it. Something about your writing completely sucked me in, which doesn't happen often for me. You have a talent for building suspense - I loved the use of the flickering lights in the prologue - that was genius! It totally set the scene, I can imagine every part of this story playing out like a movie in my head.
I also found a lot of intrigue with the characters, and I'm excited to learn more about them. Overall, really great job! Can't wait for more :)

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Great!!

I am loving this so far! Both Noel and Leon seem to be very well realized, with distinct voices. I love their interactions - a very good brother and sister dynamic that feels believable and realistic (take it from someone with two older brothers haha). I thought your writing style was good, it flowed nicely and still provided a lot of descriptions. I noticed a few grammar mistakes, but it happens to the best of us. You also have an excellent hook at the beginning - it pulled me right in. Overall I really enjoyed reading this!! Great job :)

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Good so far!

Apologies for the late review! I enjoyed reading through this. Your descriptions are very well thought out and put together without weighing the story down and I can clearly imagine what all the characters and places look like, so great job with that!! I'm excited to see where the story goes from here, I think you've got a fun concept here! I noticed a couple grammar mistakes, so just watch out for those, but it happens to the best of us. Overall really great job! :)

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Very compelling!

So far, this reminds me a lot of Rick Riordan's writing in terms of your character voice and chapter titles, which I love! It helps your story feel unique and engaging and keeps the readers on their toes, so great job with that. I love the concept of your story and I can't wait to see where you take it from here - I think you have something really special here!
My only critique would be in your writing style and how to immerse your reader into the story. The one instance that sticks out in my mind was when you compared the cabin from the beginning to a captains cabin from Pirates of the Caribbean. You absolutely can do that - I know I make comparisons like that all the time - but what about the cabin makes you draw that comparison? What does it look like? What does it smell like? Is there décor on the walls? Play around with adding details like that, it can help immerse your reader even more. :)
Overall I'm excited to see where this goes and I thoroughly enjoyed reading through this! Great job :)

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Great!

I enjoyed reading through this!! You've done a great job of building a cohesive fantasy world filled with great characters, which is not easy to do, so good job with that! I did find the plot a little hard to follow at points, but once I figured out what was happening I really enjoyed it - you do a good job of weaving in mystery and foreshadowing. I didn't notice any grammar or punctuation mistakes either. Overall I think you have something really good going here! Great job :)

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Great!!!

I really enjoyed reading through this! All the characters really jump off the page and I never got confused as to who was who, so great job with that! The story and characters kept me intrigued and all the interactions were engaging and interesting. I didn't notice any grammar mistakes, if there were any they didn't pull me out of the story at all. And I loved the concept of this story too! It feels original and it totally works! Overall great job! :)

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Great potential!

I think you have something really promising here! The characters and your prologue are very intriguing and I can't wait to see where they go! I'm curious about their back story and who they are and how they came to be in the situation you present in the story. There's a lot of mystery and I can't wait to see how it unfolds! I like the setup so far. I noticed a few grammar mistakes here and there, but nothing crazy. Overall great job and I'm excited to keep reading! :)

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Great!

This is great so far! All your characters are very well established and I can tell who’s POV were in each time it switches, so great job with that!! I think in terms of the writing style, play around with starting a new paragraph every time someone starts talking, I think that could help the flow, especially for the cute or quippy conversations. But I think you have something really good here! Great job! :)

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Love!!

I’m not a poet by any stretch of the imagination but holy you have a way with words. Especially day four, that made me feel all the things. I love how you lay out your writing and how raw and from the heart everything is. Fantastic work, I’m thoroughly impressed and can’t wait for more! :)

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Good so far!

I liked this. The plot is original and intriguing, and the characters are distinct once you get a feel for them. I liked not knowing the MC’s name right away, it added to the mystery of it all and I liked that. I noticed a few grammar mistakes, but nothing major that can’t be fixed on a second draft. Overall I’m excited to see where this goes! Good job! :)

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Wow!!!

I’m really enjoying this so far!! I love your use of imagery, the descriptions are vivid without bogging the story down, so great job with that!! Ethan and U are very well realized characters and I love how they develop throughout the story. Great job with that!! Also, I’m always on the lookout for an original story, and this was it!! Great job! :)

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Great start!

I think you have something really good going here! I love the concept and how you're playing with it so far. I can't wait to learn more about Logan, and Ava definitely has more to her than initially meets the eye - great job developing her throughout the chapter! The worldbuilding is great and unique, and all your characters feel very unique - I really liked Scotty but I can't wait to learn more about the leads.
My only piece of criticism revolves around your grammar. I noticed a few run on sentences, so I would suggest playing around with breaking those up. I'm awful for run on sentences in my own writing - I find the best way to help is to read it out loud to yourself - if you find yourself getting out of breath halfway through, that's a good indication you need a period somewhere in there. But that's just me, you do what works for you :) Also, just make sure you end your paragraphs with periods, I noticed a few missing about 2/3rds of the way through.

After that paragraph, let me end off on a positive note. I genuinely enjoyed reading through this first chapter! The world is very well defined, and I can tell you've spent a lot of time thinking about it and fleshing it out, so props to you for that! World building is hard and you've done it well. I love your descriptions of everything, it gave me a very clear picture in my head as to what was happening and what everyone looked like, so great job with that as well. Overall I think this story has great potential and I can't wait to see where it goes from here! Great job :)

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Great read!!

Great plot and characters. And a fantastic job of slowly revealing the past in a suspenseful way, great job with that! Madeline is a very intriguing character and I can’t wait to learn more about her and what happened to cause her and Alex to move to Seattle! I love that Madeline and Alex are two career people making it work-I feel like that’s a very relatable situation, but one that you don’t see too often in stories, so I liked that a lot.
My only gripe was some of your grammar and spelling. You went back and forth with some of the names (Kirsty and Kristy, for example) and I noticed a few grammar mistakes that pulled me out of the story a bit.
That may have sounded quite negative, but I want to finish off my saying I really enjoyed your story! The writing style flowed quite nicely, and I loved getting to know the characters and the slow reveal of the past is keeping me on my toes. Well done! :)

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Great start!

Loving this so far! The characters really jump off the page, and I totally got immersed in the story because of it! And I can’t wait to see where the plot goes-this feels like a promising, original idea! My one suggestion would be to work on the idea of ‘show, don’t tell.’ You do a good job of showing during flashbacks, which is fantastic, but I noticed more telling when the MC interacts with situations and characters. Nothing major, that may just be aesthetics on my part, but something to play around with if you’d like. Overall I thoroughly enjoyed the first part of this story! Keep it up and I can’t wait to see where it goes! :)

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Great!

What a great read! I love the chemistry between the characters and their interactions. They feel realistic and authentic, and it really immerses me in the story! They make the story fun and unique, and the plot is great too! The writing style is nice and easy to follow, and there’s plenty of comedy to be found, which makes the story quite enjoyable to read through. Overall great work! :)

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Great start!

I’m liking this so far! I like the twist on the cliche of being attracted to the ‘bad boy’ by having the protagonist be male. Gives a bit of diversity to the genre as opposed to most romance novels being very heteronormative, so props to you for that, we love diversity :D I noticed a few grammar mishaps here and there, my main piece of advice is to make sure you lead with a capital letter at the beginning of speech, since it’s technically a new sentence. Overall I really enjoyed this story so far! Great job! :)

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Great so far!

I really like this so far! Great detail and slow world building, and provides a fantastic template for the plot to come. I’m very intrigued! I feel this could go any number of ways, can’t wait to see what you have in store! I noticed a few grammar mistakes, nothing major though. I was a teeny bit confused with the italicized dialogue at first, but once I got used to it I really liked it. Overall a great first chapter! Can’t wait to see where the story goes from here! :)

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Wow

I have no idea how to review this, and that’s a good thing. The characters really grew on me as I read through the story, especially Gaia. Also her relationship with juniper was amazing and hilarious, and provided a lot of levity, which helped balance out the darker moments. Also another note on their relationship: I love how it developed, and even though they argued a lot you could tell they cared for one another, and that’s a hard line to walk, so great job with that. :)
I looooooved the dream sequences. That was such a cool idea and I love how it played out, really gave the whole story a supernatural/fantasy feel, which isn’t seen too often in apocalypse stories, but it totally works in this! :)
Overall I loved this. Such a cool story full of dynamic characters, and the last few chapters had me in an emotional roller coaster! Fantastic job! :)

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Love it so far!

Really liking this so far! The writing style is great, easy to follow but still allows me to picture everything very clearly in my head. I think the concept is fantastic, and I can’t wait to see where it and the characters go from here. Great job! :)

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Interesting so far!!

I’m really liking this so far! Such an intriguing concept of having twins separated at birth, it gives me Star Wars vibes a bit but with more of a fantasy twist. I noticed a few run on sentences here and there, but it was minor in the grand scheme of things-the only reason I notice it is because I’m super bad for it in my own writing. Overall great job so far, can’t wait to see where the story goes! :)

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Love it!

I’m loving this so far!! Writing a child protagonist is hard to do, and you’ve managed to keep a sense of childlike wonder and whimsy with Emma while making her a compelling protagonist. As someone who’s been a book worm for as long as I can remember I totally relate to her! All the characters are distinct and have their own voices, and the writing style flows nicely. Overall fantastic job! :)

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Love this!

This is such a cool concept for a story! Reminds me of other magical schools that have been in stories before, but this one is still very unique and unlike others I’ve read! The writing style pulled me right into the story from the beginning, and kept me on my toes throughout the story. The characters are great, the world is well described and well realized, and the flow is great as well. A couple small grammatical errors, but nothing major, just something to note. Overall a very cool original idea and I loved it! :)

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Interesting!

Great story so far! I love how all the characters interact with one another! I love all the little details too, it really makes the story come to life. Overall great job! :)

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So cute!

This is such an adorable story! I'm a huge sucker for romance and their relationship is so wholesome and cute. My only critique is to watch your grammar and sentence structure; it got a bit repetitive at times. Not enough to pull me out of the story, just something to note. :)
Overall I loved reading through this, really great work and such a fun concept for a short story! I must say I'm not usually a short story person but this held my attention from beginning to end. Also I love that you made the honeymoon feel like an epilogue of sorts. It made it feel like we (as the audience) were being let in on a secret or something, which is always fun. Great work!

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Great!

Second person POV! Holy that's hard to do but the author nailed it! There's enough detail in the world to keep you engaged but not soo much that it takes you away from what's happening. The plot is very interesting as well and kept me on my toes wanting to know more, and the characters are well realized. Overall a solid well written story and I can't wait to see where it goes from here! :)

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Great Characters!

Alijah is such a compelling character! I love that you show the impact of her trauma not just on her character but psychologically as well, I think it really adds a deeper layer to the story and makes us sympathize with her and makes her someone to root for. Overall awesome job at building her story! Keep it up!

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Great read!

Overall, I enjoyed this story! The plot kept me on my toes while reading, and I liked the various characters we follow throughout the story. The main characters especially are very well developed and I liked reading their arcs, and they all ended great. I found Margo to be the most interesting, especially in terms of her lineage, which was a fun reveal that I enjoyed. I think your writing style needs a little bit of tweaking in terms of pace and transitions. Don’t be afraid to linger on certain moments, it helps to connect us to the characters even more! Additionally, watch your grammar, as it did pull me out of the story a few times. But overall, a very cool and interesting concept with a great plot that I had fun reading. I’ve never seen a story like this before, and that’s a good thing! It’s very original. Overall good job! 😊

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Wow!!

Okay where do I even start with this - what a fantastic story so far!!! I adore the dystopian elements of this story, and you've done a great job of creating an interesting cohesive world that makes total sense. I know how hard that is to do, and you did it masterfully. Down to how rural and urban areas view hair length to the light and dark matter to the differences in the characters themselves. All of this makes your world feel so real, as though it could be a reality in the future.
Speaking of the characters - let's start with Vance. His arc so far has been very believable and realistic considering his upbringing and everything he's gone through in the story. None of his behaviours come out of left field and all feel accurate to his character. Also, I can tell you did your homework for the psychological implications of his character. Just from my own knowledge from studying psychology (by no means do I claim to be an expert, this is just my perspective) you did a good job portraying the psych elements he goes through, and the way the dark matter injections aggravate these aspects makes perfect sense in the world you've created.
All the others - especially Dyaan (who is my lowkey favourite) - feel distinct from one another. I never got confused as to who was who and they were all interesting to learn about. I can't wait to learn more about Dyaan and Brekla's past together! And then there's the Remnants, who we've only had a taste of so far but I am totally hooked and want to learn more about them!
I didn't notice any grammar mistakes, and I found the writing perfectly toed the line of being descriptive without weighing the story down. I love that you tell the story from multiple perspectives as well. At first I wasn't sure, but it totally helps to flesh out the world and gives insight to things that other characters can't - Vance can only tell us so much, after all - and you handle it very well.
Overall, I am thoroughly impressed with your writing and storytelling, and I plan on sticking around to see how things play out! Fantastic job!! :)

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Love it!!!

This story sucked me in right from the beginning! You’ve done a fantastic job of world building and it shows, everything makes sense and works together great and you tell the reader the information at a great pace. Skye is a very intriguing character and I can’t wait to learn more about her, and I have a feeling there’s more to her than meets the eye. Grammar and writing style was great, I could easily tell when the flashbacks were and I didn’t notice any mistakes with anything structural. Fantastic job!! :)

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Good so far!

I enjoyed reading through this. You juggle your main characters really well, and they all feel distinct from one another, which is hard to do, so props to you for that! I liked your writing style, it was easy to follow and I could easily tell what was happening with each scene. I like that Zel is interested in a girl - it's a nice break from the heteronormativity that is so prevalent in our society - love the diversity! :D I didn't notice any grammar mistakes, but always be on the lookout for them. Overall great job! :)

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Potential!!

I think you have something good going here!! I enjoyed reading through this, the world feels very well realized and your characters have distinct voices, so great job with that!! :)
This may be personal aesthetics on my part, but I would suggest you play around with your formatting. Experiment with starting a new paragraph every time someone new is talking - in my experience, it helps conversations flow a bit better and can help a reader differentiate descriptions and dialogue. I found it made a big difference in my writing once I integrated that. Also, this is going to sound super nitpicky, but make sure your quotation marks are facing the correct directions.
Overall, I am super excited to see where the story goes from here and I love your world and characters! Good job :)

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Potential!

I think this story has a lot of potential! I like the concept and how you fit the various characters into your narrative and plot. You clearly have a strong idea and I can't wait to see where it goes from here! I found the characters believable and realistic, which is hard to do, so good job with that.
I think going back and really working on grammar and formatting will really take your book to the next level. The main thing I noticed was your tenses. But your structure was pretty good, starting a new paragraph each time someone is talking is the way to go and it helped your conversations flow well.
Overall the foundations are here for something really special! I love your characters and I'm excited to see where things go from here - great job! :)

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Great so far!!

I love the plot of this story. Your characters really jump off the page and I love the complex relationships and interactions - it really helps the story come alive and feel real, so great job with that. I found Olivia to be a very compelling protagonist and she helped the story feel unique.
I noticed a few grammar mistakes, but for the most part, your writing style is good and easy to follow. Though, I think you could be a touch more descriptive just to immerse the reader in your story even more. For example, when Olivia is talking to her boss and her boss gives her a 'I'm proud of you' look - what about her face is suggesting she's proud of Olivia? I know you're using a form of shorthand to convey your point and it still works, but adding a bit more detail could immerse your reader in your story even more. Just as an example. But that's just me, I tend to go a bit overboard with descriptions sometimes, so take with that what you will. Overall I think you have something really good going on here and I really enjoyed reading through this. Great job :)

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Loving it!!

I really enjoyed reading through what you have posted so far!! I love how complex your characters are under the surface, you feel for each person in the love triangle in a unique way, which is something you don’t usually see. The character dynamics feel natural and are very interesting and keep me invested. Overall I’m going to be sticking around to see how this turns out! I’m hooked! Great job :)

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Love it so far!

The main thing that sticks out to me right away is the characters. They really jump off the page. Ariel is such a jerk but I kind of love him? I can't wait to see how his character develops from here. And Alma is so compassionate but it's clear that she's not a pushover - I can't wait to see how she develops too! The plot is built off a classic 'fallen angel' archetype, but I like what you do with it - you put your own unique spin on it, which is fantastic. I noticed a few grammar mistakes, nothing that pulled me out of the story, just something to note. Overall great job, can't wait to see where it goes from here! :)

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Love it so far!

I absolutely adore this! Your writing style is top notch, giving so much detail about the world and it's characters without having any of your descriptions weigh the story down. The characters really jump off the page and I can so clearly imagine them in my mind, especially the brother and sister. What's Beckett's deal, anyways? I can't wait to find out. Astra is a compelling protagonist and is insanely relatable, so I'm definitely rooting for her.
Overall fantastic job! This story gripped me from the start and did not lose my attention throughout. I'm going to be sticking around to see what happens next! :)

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Intriguing!

Only two chapters in but this has me on my toes! I'm not sure what the author has planned but I could see this going in so many different directions. What happened to her sister? The mystery of this is great so far, and the characters are well defined, so great job with that!
I noticed a few grammar mistakes here and there but the writing style was easy to follow and kept the story moving along, but don't be afraid to add some more descriptors! Sometimes they can weigh a story down but in your case I think it could really bring your story to the next level.
Overall really great job so far! The plot has me on the edge of my seat and I can't wait to see what happens next! :)

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Yes!!!

Ahhhhh I loved this!!! I wanted it to work out so badly between the two so badly! I feel like everyone who reads this will be able to relate in one way or another. I love your writing style, so lyrical and it flows really nicely. I liked the passage of time and how you started each section with an age, it really had a great impact on the story, since you can tell this girl has liked this person for years. Overall very well done!!!

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Unique!

What a unique idea for a story!! This is something I’ve never seen before and you handle it very well. All the characters feel distinct and have their own voice, and Lindsey is an intriguing protagonist, I can’t wait to learn more about her!
I noticed a few grammar mistakes here and there, namely run on sentences. As someone who struggles with this, my advice is to read it out loud, and if you find yourself needing to take a breath, that’s a good indication you need a break somewhere in there. Also, play around with starting a new paragraph every time someone new is talking. In my experience it helps conversations flow easier, but do what works for you :)
Overall, I really enjoyed reading through this. The concept gripped me from the start and I can’t wait to see what happens next! Great job :)

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Wow!!!

My favourite part about this was the vivid world! You’ve clearly put a lot of effort into worldbuilding and making sure everything makes sense and is cohesive, so fantastic job with that, that is not easy to do and you nailed it! All the characters feel distinct as well. I love your writing style, it flows nicely and is descriptive without being too wordy. I noticed a few grammar mistakes, but nothing that pulled me out of the story. Overall fantastic job! :)

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Good!

I enjoyed this! I'm not usually one for werewolf stories, but this was a twist on the typical genre tropes that I really had fun reading through. All the characters felt well realized and distinct, and I never got confused as to who was who. I noticed a few grammar mistakes but nothing too crazy. The story moved along at a good pace as well - enough time was given to contemplative moments and the action moved at a good pace, and descriptions didn't weigh the story down at all. Overall great job! :)

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Great!

I love the plot of this story! It's one I haven't seen before so I'm very intrigued to see where it goes from here! The characters are all distinct and interact well with each other, and the concept is original.
This isn't a critique as much as a suggestion, but play around with starting a new paragraph every time a different character starts talking. I do this and I find it helps the flow of conversations. Also, watch out for using the right form of a word - so 'head over heels' instead of 'head over heals.' But that was the only mistake like that I noticed.
Overall I enjoyed reading through this. You have real potential with this story and I'm excited to keep going! Great job :)

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Loved it!!

I absolutely loved reading this! My favourite part was the writing style; so beautifully descriptive and eloquently put together. It made the story feel almost otherworldly and added to the mystery. As soon as the white/black swan parallels started I knew I would love this, and I did! The characters are distinct and intriguing and I can't wait to see where the story goes! Ahhh I loved this! Great job! :)

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Good so far!

I'm really enjoying this so far! I love the concept for this story - it's one that I haven't seen before and I'm excited to see how it unfolds! All the characters really jump off the page and I have no trouble telling who is who. I like how your writing style flows too - very easy to follow. I noticed a few grammar mistakes, but nothing that pulled me out of the story or anything. Overall great job! :)

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Very good so far!!

I’m really enjoying this so far!! This is such a unique concept and I can’t wait to see where it goes! The characters are interesting and keep my attention, as well as the plot. Noticed a few grammar mishaps here and there, but nothing major that pulled me out of the narrative. Overall I think you’ve got something really good going here! Well done and keep going! :)

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Good potential!!

I love the concept of this story!! Such a cool idea! I love both chance and kristoff (great names btw) and how their dynamic grows and shifts throughout the story. I feel like some parts were a teeny bit rushed but the concepts are solid! I did notice a few grammar mistakes, but this is what edits are for! Just something to note :) Overall a great story that has the groundwork to be something special. Great job :)

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Yes!!!

This is how you do a werewolf story!! I am a sucker for imagery and your writing is full of it without weighing the story down at all! I can picture everything very clearly in my head so great job with that!! The characters are all very distinct and well realized, and I love the original concept of this story, it sets up a lot of conflicts and interesting dynamics which you handle well. Overall as someone who doesn’t read werewolf stories very often I’m thoroughly impressed!! Fantastic job! :)

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Liking it so far!

I really liked this!! The characters are super distinct and well realized, so good job with that, and the plot flows as a very fast pace, which, once I got used to it, was something I really enjoyed. I noticed a few grammar mistakes that pulled me out of the story just a bit, but it happens to the best of us, just something to note :) overall I really enjoyed this and I can’t wait to see where it goes! Great job! :)

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Good so far!!

I like the premise of this, and there’s enough originality to keep me invested in the story, so good on you for that! I like the characters as well and I can’t wait to see how they and their relationships develop further. :)
One thought I had was if you’re going to have swear words in your story, don’t star them out. It may just be me, but it pulled me out of the story a bit. But that’s just me, you do what you’re comfortable with! :)
Overall great start and I can’t wait to see where it goes from here!! Good job! :)

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Great!

I think you have something here!! The plot hooked me right away and kept me on my toes, Greg job at building suspense and keeping me guessing! All the characters are distinct as well, so good job with that. I noticed a few grammar mishaps, mostly with the tenses switching quite a bit. We both write in present tense, and sometimes I find putting myself in the characters shoes helps with getting in the mindset I need to write present tense. That’s not to say you don’t, that’s just what works for me, play around with different strategies and see what works :) overall great job!!

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So good!

Holy I love this! Avery really jumps off the page: she’s a very well realized character and i found her super relatable, even though I’ve never had a parent die. I love your writing style and how you unravel the situation, the rest of the characters, and the plot. Overall I’m super impressed! Great job :)

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Love it!!!

This is everything I imagine in a well told western. I’m not super well versed in the genre but I can tell you’re having a blast writing this. All the characters feel distinct from one another and everything is very well described and I can imagine everything about the story playing out in my head. The dialogue is strong and the writing style perfectly fits this kind of story; it feels like the 3rd person narrator is from the time period this takes place in, which I love and totally immersed me in the story even more. And I didn’t notice any grammar mistakes, so good job with that too! :)
Overall I’m obsessed! This is such a fun story in a great genre and I can’t wait to see what happens next! Great job! :)

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Great!

I thoroughly enjoyed this short. Even though I’m nowhere near the place where Anna is in her life, I totally understood where she was coming from, and I think that’s due to your writing. I could completely understand why she was upset with Sean, and even though he was trying to be understanding, her wants in the situation completely flew over his head. I feel like that’s something that happens a lot in relationships, wherein Anna just wants him to do some of the chores without being nagged by him, so bravo to you for so expertly bringing out that aspect of a relationship. I don’t think it’s talked about enough.
Even though I’ve never been pregnant (and I’m not sure I have any intention of ever having kids) I love how you described the feeling. I love the line “a gentle reminder of the presence breathing inside”. It’s such a beautiful way of describing it and I instantly knew she was pregnant as soon as I read it, so fantastic job of wording that.
Overall I was thoroughly impressed with this short. A captivating, relatable read! Fantastic job :)

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Interesting!

Before I say anything, I’d like to preface this by saying I’m not super well versed in the werewolf genre, so just keep that in mind 😅
I like how you’ve taken the idea of mates and given it a unique twist: like it’s something from a bygone era that isn’t worth pursuing anymore. I really liked that concept and I thought it played into your story very well. Dahlia is a very intriguing protagonist, and I can’t wait to find out more about who the wild ones are, they sound so threatening and I can’t wait to see how they interact with the main characters. Your writing style flows very nicely and kept me engaged, and I didn’t notice any grammar mistakes, so great job with that! Overall i plan on sticking around to see how this plays out and immensely enjoyed the first few chapters. Great job :)

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Good!

Great plot and characters!! Holy the twists are keeping me on my toes! I need to know what happens next ahhhh. Jil is especially compelling and i cant wait to see what happens next with her character.
This may just be aesthetics on my part, but play around with starting a new paragraph every time someone new is talking. In my experience it helps the flow of conversations. Not that yours didnt, but the big blocks of text with dialogue between two characters mixed in was teeny bit confusing at times. Still very well written, just something to play around with if youd like-i leave it up to you :)
Let me end it on a positive note: you dont normally get the killers perspective in stories like this, so that was a very fun twist! Even if they were super diabolical lol. Great job keeping up the mystery and intrugue!! Ill keep reading! Great job! :)

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A fun read!

This was a very fun story to read! I love the lead characters and the twist of her being his boss. I think that’s a fun concept to play with as it’s so often the other way around in erotica. Especially loved Benton, I felt for him and his situation and his personality was a nice change from having a super possessive and toxic male lead. The writing style flowed very nicely, and I didn’t notice any grammar mishaps. Overall fantastic job! :)

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Great!

Werewolf stories generally aren’t my thing, but I loved yours right from the start! I think Sam is my favourite, but all the characters are distinct and unique, a challenging feat to pull off so nice job with that!! My one piece of advice with your grammar is to watch your tenses; you write in past tense, but a few times I noticed you switching into present tense. Just something to note for future edits. Your writing style flows very nicely and is descriptive without slowing the story down or anything. Overall I think you have something special here! Great job! :)

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Obsessed!

I am absolutely obsessed with this!! I’m not sure if you’ve seen/read stardust, but it reminds me of that a futuristic version of that! Vale is a super interesting protagonist and I love her character progression throughout the story. The various characters have distinct voices and personality quirks-I never got confused as to who was who while reading, which is a difficult skill to master, so bravo to you! The writing style flows nicely, I noticed a few grammar mishaps but nothing that pulled me out of the story. Overall fantastic job and I can’t wait to see where it goes from here! :)

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Good start!

I think you’ve got something going here! The plot is interesting and I’m excited to see where it goes. I’m especially intrigued by the MC. I have so many questions! What happened that drove her away? Ahhh so much mystery I love it!
I noticed a few things. This might seem suuuuper nitpicky, but as a Canadian who’s been to Vancouver too many times to count, winter isn’t too different from their other seasons, it’s pretty much cold and wet no matter what time of year you go. Maybe it’s a teeny bit more chilly in winter, but fall and winter especially are very similar there. Just something to note for future edits if you’re going to mention it in conversation. Also, flashbacks and thoughts are generally italicized, so you shouldnt need to explicitly state when a flashback is coming up. I usually put a little page breaker before them, but that’s just me, I leave that up to you :)
I know that was a bit nitpicky, but I wanted to end off on a positive note. I think you have a really good idea here and I think you have real talent! I’m excited to see where your story goes from here! The characters are distinct and vivid, I can very clearly picture them in my mind, and they each have their own quirks and personalities, which is a hard skill to master in writing, so fantastic job with that! I like your descriptions of the scenery as well. Just enough to imagine without it overpowering the scene. Overall great job, can’t wait to see where it goes! :)

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Great so far!

Intriguing concept! While amnesia plots are fairly predictable this presents a nice new twist with the nightmare aspect. Annie is super relatable, I know I’ve spilled coffee on myself like that before, and her day to day relatability makes me root for her! I noticed a few grammar mishaps, but nothing major. Overall great work! :)

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So much fun!

When I first read the synopsis I was intrigued and ready for a very serious story about rebellion and all those things. I was not prepared for how funny this was! It totally caught me off guard but I loved every second of it!! The writing style is fun and descriptive, and I didn’t notice any grammar mishaps. Well done! :)

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Love it!

I have so much respect for your work. Poetry is hard to write and you’re amazing at it. My personal favourite from your collection is the things we do for love-such a strong message that I think anyone can find some sense of relatability in. Your style is great and flows well, and I didn’t see any grammar mishaps. Fantastic work! :)

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Yes!

What a unique concept! It pulled me in before I even started reading. I love that the MC isn’t one of the ones affected by the awakening-it’s a cool twist on the trope that she’s unique as a protagonist, but it presents a fun irony because she’s ‘ordinary’, which is what makes her rare. I feel like I explained that badly but I guess what I’m saying is that her being ordinary in a supernatural world is very compelling. The writing style is good, maybe a touch wordy here and there, but nothing crazy. Overall great job! :)

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Love this!

Love this so far! I’m obsessed with your characters, they feel so real and distinct, I can always tell who’s talking and they all have their own personalities and quirks, which I love. The writing style flows nicely, with plenty of detail to visualize without getting overloaded. This may just be aesthetics, but my one suggestion is to start a new paragraph whenever someone new is talking. I’ve played around with this in my own writing and I find that dialogue, especially between 2 people, flows and clips along better. But that’s just me, do what works for you and your writing :) overall I’m impressed! Great job!

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Love it!

I was hooked from the moment I read the bio. Such a intriguing concept, and it opens up so many possibilities, especially for Alisha. She is a very compelling protagonist, and I can’t wait to see how her and her powers grow from here. Writing style is nice and flows very well. This may just be me, but don’t be afraid to add more descriptions and imagery! It will immerse your readers even more! Overall I thoroughly enjoyed this read. Great job! :)

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Loving it!

Loving this so far! The prologue presents a great hook and the second chapter really pulls you in and introduces you to the world and who arella is and could be. I loved it! Nice flow with your writing as well, and the plot moves at a nice steady pace with lots of intrigue. Overall fantastic job! I can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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WOW!

This was one of the most immersive stories I’ve read. The description and imagery pull you right in from the start, vividly capturing the world without weighing down the story at all. I couldn’t find any grammar mistakes thus far, and your writing style is amazing! Can’t wait to see what happens next, fantastic job! :)

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Great!

I’m really enjoying this so far! I love the writing style! Clear and descriptive while not overwhelming the reader with details, while still providing plenty of descriptions, so great job with that! I didn’t notice any grammar mistakes either. And the characters really jump off the page-right from the beginning I’m invested! Overall great job! :)

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Behind the veil

This is a good book so far! The writing style fits the MC perfectly: simplistic, though still with lots of awareness and descriptions, even if the MC isn’t entirely aware of what’s happening because she’s so young. I’m intrigued and curious to see where the story goes from here. Noticed a few grammar mistakes, but nothing crazy. Overall good job!

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Love it!

Love this so far, such a fun story! The characters voices are distinct and unique, so props to you for doing that, especially in a story with POV switches. This may just be a preference on my part, but play around with starting a new paragraph each time a new person starts talking. In my experience, it helps the dialogue flow a bit better, especially in conversations between two characters. Nothing major, just something to play around with, I still thoroughly enjoyed the story regardless :) overall I’m hooked! Can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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Potential

This story has potential for sure. Ill admit I’m unfamiliar with the premise and content, but I was able to follow along and I found the characters interesting. I assume this is a first draft, so for edits I would suggest going back and using something like grammarly to fix some of the grammar mistakes. I’m curious to see where the story goes from here!

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WOW!!!

This first chapter is incredible!! The slow world building as Jean goes through his day is fantastic, and really gives you a sense of the world, but while still leaving plenty of mystery to make you want to keep reading. The descriptions are vivid and well written too, and it completely immersed me in the world while reading. Jean is a very compelling protagonist, and i can’t wait to find out more about who he is, how he ended up where he is, and what his future character holds in the story. Overall I am thoroughly impressed! Keep up the fantastic work! :)

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Great!

Such a compelling idea for a novel! The MC is surrounded in a lot of mystery which I love, it makes me want to keep reading! The characters are distinct as well. My only suggestion is watching your grammar. I remember seeing that you said English wasn’t your first language, so perhaps something like grammarly might help? With all that said, the plot and characters are excellent and I can’t wait to see what will happen next. Great job! :)

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Wow!

This beginning gave me chills! So suspenseful and mysterious, I have so many questions. This is such a compelling first chapter, it makes me wonder who everyone is, how they came to be in their position, especially the MC. Overall great work at building an interesting beginning! :)

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Love it so far!

I’m loving this so far! Raes anxiety is super relatable and you really convey that in your writing. It totally makes me root for her! I love her internal monologue as well. Hilarious and keeps the story moving in a fun, engaging way. And the characters are all very distinct with their own voices and quirks as well, so they’re easy to differentiate in my head. A couple small grammar mishaps, but nothing major that pulled me out of the story. Overall great job and I can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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Amazing so far!!

So far I’m loving this! The concept had me before I started reading, and the first chapter did not disappoint! Such rich imagery without being overwhelming or disrupting the flow, so excellent job with that. The characters are intriguing, I can’t wait to learn more about them, especially the father son relationship. Overall fantastic job! :)

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Wow!

I’m not usually one for werewolf stories but this presented a unique twist on the genre that I appreciated. The character descriptions are great and give me a clear idea of what they look like, and the writing style is easy to follow and flows well. I would suggest going back and checking your grammar in a few spots, but nothing major. Overall good job! :)

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YES!!!

This novel hooked me right from the start! Such an incredibly well written story, I can tell you’ve put a lot of effort into the writing. The details immerse you into the world without being overwhelming or breaking up the flow, which is a hard feat but you have done so very successfully!! Overall fantastic job!! :)

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Fantastic!

This story is incredibly well written! The style is great, pulling you into the story with lots of details while still being easy to follow and with good flow. The characters are dynamic and distinct (Vicky is my favourite!) and the plot is well structured. Overall fantastic job! :)

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Great!

I must say I don’t usually gravitate towards werewolf novels but this held my attention! Great immersive world building and very dynamic characters-I totally got caught up in it! A couple tiny grammar mistakes, but nothing crazy, happens to the best of us. The writing style is great as well, and pulled me right in! Great job! :)

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Wow!!

Where do I even begin with this? This was an incredibly well written suspenseful, action packed mysterious story that kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time! They say to write what you know, and I can tell that you know London extremely well-you made me feel as though I was there!
On a more serious note, my only issue with this story was the ‘fall from grace’ chapter. I had to take a bit of a mental health break after that chapter because I found it very disturbing. Which, I understand why you included it, but the content, particularly the implied assault of Chloe rubbed me the wrong way for reasons I won’t get into here. With all this said, I’d suggest putting a disclaimer or trigger warning before that chapter just so people know what’s coming, but that’s just me. And honestly that’s the only problem I had with the story.
With that note aside, I really enjoyed the story!
I’m glad fence is okay, I had a feeling he wasn’t really gone :)
Also, I love the supernatural touches you’ve added. They don’t feel silly or out of place, but gritty and realistic, and the action scenes were incredibly well written-I could imagine the action so clearly in my head, so fantastic job with that.
Overall an incredibly enticing, well written story that I will definitely be recommending to others! Fantastic job! :)

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Love it so far!

Even after only 3 chapters I’m hooked on this story! I can’t wait to find out more about the world these characters inhabit. The action is well described with nice flow and tension, keeping me on my toes and eager as to what will happen next. I can’t wait to see the mains interact more as well, I’m interested to see what sylvias backstory is especially! Overall a very well written story so far. Keep it up! :)

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Wow!

This book has me on the edge of my seat at every turn! The characters are interesting and their interactions keep me engaged in the story. The writing style is fantastic as well, with ample detail for me to imagine the world without it being overwhelming or slowing the story down. I noticed a couple small grammar mistakes, but it didn’t pull me out of the story at all, nothing major, just something to note. Overall great job! :)

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Love it!

An interesting take on the witch concept! I love Trixie, I found her very interesting and I think she’s someone a lot of readers will be able to relate to on her journey. The writing style is fantastic, very easy to follow while still giving me lots of detail to imagine the world. Great job! :)

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YES!!

I love this!! Perfect descriptive imagery of the more horror-esque aspects without being gross or off putting, and the writing style is engaging and sucks me right into the story! The characters are great as well, the healer is a great character to tell this story to the audience because he is experiencing this new town just like us-It makes me feel like we’re on this journey and figuring out the mystery of this illness with him. Overall a very well written story with the perfect amount of horror for my tastes, engaging characters, and great nuanced conflict in the background (the two religious doctrines I mentioned in the comments, for example) Well done! :)

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Good!

I see a lot of potential here! The writing style was easy to follow and the story kept my attention, which can be difficult in erotica, so good job with that! If I had a few suggestions it would be to watch some of your grammar, like your tenses and making sure you’re not missing any quotation marks. Overall great job, can’t wait to see where it goes from here!

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Enjoyable!!

Love the plot and descriptions of this story! Each character and place is described very well and allows me to create a vivid picture in my head of what each person looks like, especially for the mains. Quick note on grammar, watch your run on sentences. It didn’t pull me out of the story in the slightest, but just something minor to note-I know it’s something I struggle with as well. Overall a very engaging story with an interesting, vivid world and great characters. I can’t wait to see where it goes! Fantastic job! :)

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Heartbreaking but beautiful

I almost teared up at the ending of this. I could feel her heartbreak, all the details and the vivid world completely immersed me in the story. I can’t think of enough good things to say about this. The world-building was incredibly strong, so much detail was packed in but it never felt overwhelming. Overall I’m thoroughly impressed. Fantastic job! :)

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Great!

I appreciate that this story has a compelling plot outside of the erotica aspects (which not all erotica stories do) so this was a nice change of pace! I like the characters and I can’t wait to see where it goes from here! Great job! :)

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YES!!

I normally wouldn’t gravitate towards a book like this but I am hooked! The writing style is really quite something, and allowed me to vividly picture everything that was going on. I especially loved how you integrated the cultural aspects, and gave a small explanation for what something was if it was an unfamiliar term for someone who doesn’t follow Asian culture, which were perfectly summarized and integrated into the story (quickly summarizing what a yukata is, for example). Overall I’m thoroughly impressed with this story and characters and pretty much everything about this story! Well done! :)

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Good start!

Very interesting concept! Reminded me a little bit of buffy at first in terms of how her family defines her and how she works through those feelings, but this was still unique in its own right. Bolding the dialogue was an interesting choice and put me off a little at first, but once I got used to it I liked it. And it straddles the line of being dark without going too far, which is hard to do but is done so successfully, at least to my tastes. Overall very good start and I can’t wait to see where it goes! :)

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Great so far!

Really enjoying this so far!! The descriptions are vivid and clear without having them be overpowering or take over the story, which is a hard thing to do but the author does so very successfully. The characters are distinct and easy to picture in my mind as well, and I love the setting! Very cool. Overall a great read and I can’t wait to see where it goes :)

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Great start!

I must say I’ve never seen a story quite like this before. The reaper character is super interesting with a lot of mystery, I can’t wait to find out more about him and the rest of the characters. The dark tone is established right away and carries throughout the first few chapters, allowing for great continuity in that respect. Overall great job! Can’t wait to see where it goes from here! :)

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Iconic!

This story gives me strong handmaids tale/1984 vibes while still being incredibly original and compelling. The writing and concept pulled me in from the very start, and I can very clearly imagine this world and the characters that inhabit it. The idea of "perfects" and the other categories feel like they could be as iconic as the term "handmaid" or "martha" in handmaids tale - it's a really compelling way to segregate the society in this story that gives the reader a clear idea of how society works in this story. Honestly I can't find enough good things to say about this. I think that this story could one day be in the same conversation as other famous dystopias of this nature like handmaids tale and 1984. I am so hooked on this story, it's so well written and I can't wait to see what happens next. Fantastic job! :)

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What happens next??

I'm officially hooked on this story! The writing style is simple and easy to follow, while still containing enough detail for me to clearly visualize what's going on. The characters are also very well defined and easy to imagine. The love triangle storyline is a little predictable at first, but I must say I did not see some things coming and the plot is keeping me on my toes! I can't wait to see what happens next, great work! :)

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Love this!

This is some fantastic world building here! I can tell you've really taken the time to flesh out the world and it makes it very well realized. The details and rules of the world make sense (something that isn't easy to do when you're creating an original world - I know from experience) and make for an incredibly enticing story and world. The characters are well defined and there was ample detail to give me a clear picture of what was happening without having these details be overwhelming. My only critique is to watch your grammar and tenses, but this is minor in the grand scheme of things, and it didn't pull me out of the story while I was reading. Overall really well done!

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YES!!

It is so cool to see a werewolf story that isn't the typical romance/erotica storyline! This was such a cool and original idea and I love that you really leaned into the dystopian aspects of the plot to make the story feel fresh and enticing. This was very well written also, with good, thorough descriptions that immersed me in the fantastic worldbuilding and great characters without it being overwhelming. I couldn't put this down! Overall a fantastic story that I will for sure be recommending to others, especially those who are sick of the traditional werewolf romance story. Well done! :)

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Loving it so far!!

I’m loving this so far! The characters feel authentic and their conversations and interactions feel very natural. The writing style is great too, being detailed enough to allow you to imagine what’s happening but not so detailed that it becomes overdone. Overall really well done, I can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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Intriguing start!

Great job setting up the premise and suspense, it makes me want to keep reading to see where it goes! Only critique I have is to watch your grammar, but it's minor. Overall very interesting concept, I haven't read a lot of books like this and you have peaked my interest! Can't wait for the next update! :)

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Cuteness overload

I love everything about this story! I couldn't put it down. The writing style seems to perfectly straddle the line of being easy to follow without being too simplistic, which really works for this kind of story. Even if the concept is a little predictable, it's so cute that I didn't mind, and the author added enough originality to it to make the story interesting and adorable. Loved it!

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Great!!

What a cool idea for a novel! The characters are well defined and easy to imagine, and I’ve never seen a concept quite like this before and held my intrigue all the way through as you find out more about the characters. Grammatically, just watch your use of tenses and make sure they’re consistent. Overall a unique, interesting concept with great world building and characters. I can’t wait to see what happens next!

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Well done!

Loving this so far! The characters are defined but have the perfect amount of mystery surrounding them to build intrigue and make you want to keep reading. Writing style was great and easy to follow as well, keep it up, I can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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Great characters!

I love Cynthia! She is very relatable and a great protagonist for your story, I love how sassy she is! As well I love that she's a scientist, I feel like girls in science (and especially those that go to MIT!) in romance books is uncommon, so it's awesome to see and it keeps your story unique and fresh. My only critique would be to keep an eye on your grammar, but otherwise I really enjoyed it! Keep it up!

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