Mary Chidiac

Canada

Just an aerialist who likes to write things.

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Great start!

What a great first impression! Lots of mystery and a great hook right from the start! Can’t wait to see what happens next for these characters. A few grammar mistakes and run on sentences here and there, nothing to pull me out of the story or anything, just something to note (I’m so bad for run on sentences so it tends to be something I notice because I do it so much in my own writing :p) but an excellent start! Great job of defining/describing the world/characters as well, nice clear descriptions that weren’t overwhelming. Overall fantastic job! :)

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Great start!

I’m liking this so far! I like the twist on the cliche of being attracted to the ‘bad boy’ by having the protagonist be male. Gives a bit of diversity to the genre as opposed to most romance novels being very heteronormative, so props to you for that, we love diversity :D I noticed a few grammar mishaps here and there, my main piece of advice is to make sure you lead with a capital letter at the beginning of speech, since it’s technically a new sentence. Overall I really enjoyed this story so far! Great job! :)

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Great so far!

I really like this so far! Great detail and slow world building, and provides a fantastic template for the plot to come. I’m very intrigued! I feel this could go any number of ways, can’t wait to see what you have in store! I noticed a few grammar mistakes, nothing major though. I was a teeny bit confused with the italicized dialogue at first, but once I got used to it I really liked it. Overall a great first chapter! Can’t wait to see where the story goes from here! :)

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Wow

I have no idea how to review this, and that’s a good thing. The characters really grew on me as I read through the story, especially Gaia. Also her relationship with juniper was amazing and hilarious, and provided a lot of levity, which helped balance out the darker moments. Also another note on their relationship: I love how it developed, and even though they argued a lot you could tell they cared for one another, and that’s a hard line to walk, so great job with that. :)
I looooooved the dream sequences. That was such a cool idea and I love how it played out, really gave the whole story a supernatural/fantasy feel, which isn’t seen too often in apocalypse stories, but it totally works in this! :)
Overall I loved this. Such a cool story full of dynamic characters, and the last few chapters had me in an emotional roller coaster! Fantastic job! :)

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Love it so far!

Really liking this so far! The writing style is great, easy to follow but still allows me to picture everything very clearly in my head. I think the concept is fantastic, and I can’t wait to see where it and the characters go from here. Great job! :)

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Interesting so far!!

I’m really liking this so far! Such an intriguing concept of having twins separated at birth, it gives me Star Wars vibes a bit but with more of a fantasy twist. I noticed a few run on sentences here and there, but it was minor in the grand scheme of things-the only reason I notice it is because I’m super bad for it in my own writing. Overall great job so far, can’t wait to see where the story goes! :)

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Love it!

I’m loving this so far!! Writing a child protagonist is hard to do, and you’ve managed to keep a sense of childlike wonder and whimsy with Emma while making her a compelling protagonist. As someone who’s been a book worm for as long as I can remember I totally relate to her! All the characters are distinct and have their own voices, and the writing style flows nicely. Overall fantastic job! :)

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Very good!!

Reading through this was so immersive! I love the way you describe the characters and surroundings, it gave me such a clear picture of the world and it’s characters! I can tell you put a lot of thought and care into the world and story. All the characters are distinct as well, I never got confused as to who was who. I had a good time reading through this and I will definitely recommend it to others! Great job! :)

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Intruiging!!

I admit I’m unfamiliar with the world/characters this is based on, but that didn’t seem to matter in the grand scheme of things, as the story still kept me engaged and wanting to know what would happen next! :) the story is almost written like a play, which was a little off putting at first, but once you got used to it it was a really unique and fun detail, and one that I haven’t seen in a story like this before, so good job on integrating that! :) I know this was mentioned in the disclaimer, but just be careful with your grammar, as it pulled me out of the story a few times. Perhaps running it through something like grammarly would help?
I know that was a strange note to end on, but I really enjoyed reading through this story! Great job! :)

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Interesting!

Great story so far! I love how all the characters interact with one another! I love all the little details too, it really makes the story come to life. Overall great job! :)

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Fun!

What a fun read! The characters were enjoyable and fun to get to know, as well as their story together! My only critique is to watch your grammar, as it pulled me out of the story a couple times, but it happens to the best of us, just something to note. Overall I really enjoyed this story!

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So cute!

This is such an adorable story! I'm a huge sucker for romance and their relationship is so wholesome and cute. My only critique is to watch your grammar and sentence structure; it got a bit repetitive at times. Not enough to pull me out of the story, just something to note. :)
Overall I loved reading through this, really great work and such a fun concept for a short story! I must say I'm not usually a short story person but this held my attention from beginning to end. Also I love that you made the honeymoon feel like an epilogue of sorts. It made it feel like we (as the audience) were being let in on a secret or something, which is always fun. Great work!

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Hooked!

Wow, you had me at the first two lines! I feel like this poem will ring true for many people that read it - I know I related to it immensely. Great use of structure and symbolism to get your message across! I can't wait to read more works from you! :)

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Great!

Second person POV! Holy that's hard to do but the author nailed it! There's enough detail in the world to keep you engaged but not soo much that it takes you away from what's happening. The plot is very interesting as well and kept me on my toes wanting to know more, and the characters are well realized. Overall a solid well written story and I can't wait to see where it goes from here! :)

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Great Characters!

Alijah is such a compelling character! I love that you show the impact of her trauma not just on her character but psychologically as well, I think it really adds a deeper layer to the story and makes us sympathize with her and makes her someone to root for. Overall awesome job at building her story! Keep it up!

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Great!

I’m really enjoying this so far! I love the writing style! Clear and descriptive while not overwhelming the reader with details, while still providing plenty of descriptions, so great job with that! I didn’t notice any grammar mistakes either. And the characters really jump off the page-right from the beginning I’m invested! Overall great job! :)

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Behind the veil

This is a good book so far! The writing style fits the MC perfectly: simplistic, though still with lots of awareness and descriptions, even if the MC isn’t entirely aware of what’s happening because she’s so young. I’m intrigued and curious to see where the story goes from here. Noticed a few grammar mistakes, but nothing crazy. Overall good job!

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Love it!

Love this so far, such a fun story! The characters voices are distinct and unique, so props to you for doing that, especially in a story with POV switches. This may just be a preference on my part, but play around with starting a new paragraph each time a new person starts talking. In my experience, it helps the dialogue flow a bit better, especially in conversations between two characters. Nothing major, just something to play around with, I still thoroughly enjoyed the story regardless :) overall I’m hooked! Can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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Great so far!

I’m liking this so far! I love the characters and I can’t wait to see them grow. The writing style is nice and easy to follow, but still descriptive enough to allow me to imagine everything in my head, and I couldn’t find any grammar mistakes as far as I could tell. Good job! :)

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Potential

This story has potential for sure. Ill admit I’m unfamiliar with the premise and content, but I was able to follow along and I found the characters interesting. I assume this is a first draft, so for edits I would suggest going back and using something like grammarly to fix some of the grammar mistakes. I’m curious to see where the story goes from here!

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Liking this so far!

I must say I’m unfamiliar with this genre but that didn’t seem to matter, as the story pulled me in! The MC has an interesting background, one that I haven’t really seen explored in a main character before, and I’m interested to see where his character goes. The writing style is great, I noticed a few grammar mistakes but nothing major. Overall great job! :)

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WOW!!!

This first chapter is incredible!! The slow world building as Jean goes through his day is fantastic, and really gives you a sense of the world, but while still leaving plenty of mystery to make you want to keep reading. The descriptions are vivid and well written too, and it completely immersed me in the world while reading. Jean is a very compelling protagonist, and i can’t wait to find out more about who he is, how he ended up where he is, and what his future character holds in the story. Overall I am thoroughly impressed! Keep up the fantastic work! :)

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Compelling!

I’m loving this so far! There is so much mystery and intrigue around Elle, I can’t wait to find out more about her and her role in the story. The writing style is good and flows nicely, and I couldn’t find any grammar mistakes so far. Overall nice job, and I can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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Great!

Such a compelling idea for a novel! The MC is surrounded in a lot of mystery which I love, it makes me want to keep reading! The characters are distinct as well. My only suggestion is watching your grammar. I remember seeing that you said English wasn’t your first language, so perhaps something like grammarly might help? With all that said, the plot and characters are excellent and I can’t wait to see what will happen next. Great job! :)

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Wow!

This beginning gave me chills! So suspenseful and mysterious, I have so many questions. This is such a compelling first chapter, it makes me wonder who everyone is, how they came to be in their position, especially the MC. Overall great work at building an interesting beginning! :)

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Love it so far!

I’m loving this so far! Raes anxiety is super relatable and you really convey that in your writing. It totally makes me root for her! I love her internal monologue as well. Hilarious and keeps the story moving in a fun, engaging way. And the characters are all very distinct with their own voices and quirks as well, so they’re easy to differentiate in my head. A couple small grammar mishaps, but nothing major that pulled me out of the story. Overall great job and I can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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Great so far!

Based on the first two chapters I’m very intrigued!! Growing up with older siblings, I totally relate to Lacy and her relationship with her sisters, as well as her letting her sister take the lead for most things, completely know that feeling. You’ve done a good job of setting up this ball, I have a feeling something big is going to happen during it and I can’t wait to see what it is! Overall I’m impressed and I can’t wait to see what happens next! Great job! :)

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Amazing so far!!

So far I’m loving this! The concept had me before I started reading, and the first chapter did not disappoint! Such rich imagery without being overwhelming or disrupting the flow, so excellent job with that. The characters are intriguing, I can’t wait to learn more about them, especially the father son relationship. Overall fantastic job! :)

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Wow!

I’m not usually one for werewolf stories but this presented a unique twist on the genre that I appreciated. The character descriptions are great and give me a clear idea of what they look like, and the writing style is easy to follow and flows well. I would suggest going back and checking your grammar in a few spots, but nothing major. Overall good job! :)

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YES!!!

This novel hooked me right from the start! Such an incredibly well written story, I can tell you’ve put a lot of effort into the writing. The details immerse you into the world without being overwhelming or breaking up the flow, which is a hard feat but you have done so very successfully!! Overall fantastic job!! :)

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Fantastic!

This story is incredibly well written! The style is great, pulling you into the story with lots of details while still being easy to follow and with good flow. The characters are dynamic and distinct (Vicky is my favourite!) and the plot is well structured. Overall fantastic job! :)

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Great!

I must say I don’t usually gravitate towards werewolf novels but this held my attention! Great immersive world building and very dynamic characters-I totally got caught up in it! A couple tiny grammar mistakes, but nothing crazy, happens to the best of us. The writing style is great as well, and pulled me right in! Great job! :)

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Wow!!

Where do I even begin with this? This was an incredibly well written suspenseful, action packed mysterious story that kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time! They say to write what you know, and I can tell that you know London extremely well-you made me feel as though I was there!
On a more serious note, my only issue with this story was the ‘fall from grace’ chapter. I had to take a bit of a mental health break after that chapter because I found it very disturbing. Which, I understand why you included it, but the content, particularly the implied assault of Chloe rubbed me the wrong way for reasons I won’t get into here. With all this said, I’d suggest putting a disclaimer or trigger warning before that chapter just so people know what’s coming, but that’s just me. And honestly that’s the only problem I had with the story.
With that note aside, I really enjoyed the story!
I’m glad fence is okay, I had a feeling he wasn’t really gone :)
Also, I love the supernatural touches you’ve added. They don’t feel silly or out of place, but gritty and realistic, and the action scenes were incredibly well written-I could imagine the action so clearly in my head, so fantastic job with that.
Overall an incredibly enticing, well written story that I will definitely be recommending to others! Fantastic job! :)

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Love this!

This is such a cool concept for a story! Reminds me of other magical schools that have been in stories before, but this one is still very unique and unlike others I’ve read! The writing style pulled me right into the story from the beginning, and kept me on my toes throughout the story. The characters are great, the world is well described and well realized, and the flow is great as well. A couple small grammatical errors, but nothing major, just something to note. Overall a very cool original idea and I loved it! :)

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Love it so far!

Even after only 3 chapters I’m hooked on this story! I can’t wait to find out more about the world these characters inhabit. The action is well described with nice flow and tension, keeping me on my toes and eager as to what will happen next. I can’t wait to see the mains interact more as well, I’m interested to see what sylvias backstory is especially! Overall a very well written story so far. Keep it up! :)

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Wow!

This book has me on the edge of my seat at every turn! The characters are interesting and their interactions keep me engaged in the story. The writing style is fantastic as well, with ample detail for me to imagine the world without it being overwhelming or slowing the story down. I noticed a couple small grammar mistakes, but it didn’t pull me out of the story at all, nothing major, just something to note. Overall great job! :)

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Love it!

An interesting take on the witch concept! I love Trixie, I found her very interesting and I think she’s someone a lot of readers will be able to relate to on her journey. The writing style is fantastic, very easy to follow while still giving me lots of detail to imagine the world. Great job! :)

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YES!!

I love this!! Perfect descriptive imagery of the more horror-esque aspects without being gross or off putting, and the writing style is engaging and sucks me right into the story! The characters are great as well, the healer is a great character to tell this story to the audience because he is experiencing this new town just like us-It makes me feel like we’re on this journey and figuring out the mystery of this illness with him. Overall a very well written story with the perfect amount of horror for my tastes, engaging characters, and great nuanced conflict in the background (the two religious doctrines I mentioned in the comments, for example) Well done! :)

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Good!

I see a lot of potential here! The writing style was easy to follow and the story kept my attention, which can be difficult in erotica, so good job with that! If I had a few suggestions it would be to watch some of your grammar, like your tenses and making sure you’re not missing any quotation marks. Overall great job, can’t wait to see where it goes from here!

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Enjoyable!!

Love the plot and descriptions of this story! Each character and place is described very well and allows me to create a vivid picture in my head of what each person looks like, especially for the mains. Quick note on grammar, watch your run on sentences. It didn’t pull me out of the story in the slightest, but just something minor to note-I know it’s something I struggle with as well. Overall a very engaging story with an interesting, vivid world and great characters. I can’t wait to see where it goes! Fantastic job! :)

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Heartbreaking but beautiful

I almost teared up at the ending of this. I could feel her heartbreak, all the details and the vivid world completely immersed me in the story. I can’t think of enough good things to say about this. The world-building was incredibly strong, so much detail was packed in but it never felt overwhelming. Overall I’m thoroughly impressed. Fantastic job! :)

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Great!

I appreciate that this story has a compelling plot outside of the erotica aspects (which not all erotica stories do) so this was a nice change of pace! I like the characters and I can’t wait to see where it goes from here! Great job! :)

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Amazing!

I love everything about this story. I love the relationships between the characters (Joe and Persephone are absolutely adorable). More than that though is the writing. This is an incredibly well written story chock full of details and quirks that give you a very clear picture of what’s happening without having these details be overwhelming. Overall a fantastic story with great characters and writing. Keep it up! :)

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YES!!

I normally wouldn’t gravitate towards a book like this but I am hooked! The writing style is really quite something, and allowed me to vividly picture everything that was going on. I especially loved how you integrated the cultural aspects, and gave a small explanation for what something was if it was an unfamiliar term for someone who doesn’t follow Asian culture, which were perfectly summarized and integrated into the story (quickly summarizing what a yukata is, for example). Overall I’m thoroughly impressed with this story and characters and pretty much everything about this story! Well done! :)

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Interesting!

Never read a story like this before so this was an interesting concept to read through! My one critique is to watch your writing style, the run on sentences can be a bit overwhelming at times-it’s something I struggle with in my writing all the time lol. It didn’t take me out of the story at all, just something to note. Overall nice job!

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Good start!

Very interesting concept! Reminded me a little bit of buffy at first in terms of how her family defines her and how she works through those feelings, but this was still unique in its own right. Bolding the dialogue was an interesting choice and put me off a little at first, but once I got used to it I liked it. And it straddles the line of being dark without going too far, which is hard to do but is done so successfully, at least to my tastes. Overall very good start and I can’t wait to see where it goes! :)

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Great so far!

Really enjoying this so far!! The descriptions are vivid and clear without having them be overpowering or take over the story, which is a hard thing to do but the author does so very successfully. The characters are distinct and easy to picture in my mind as well, and I love the setting! Very cool. Overall a great read and I can’t wait to see where it goes :)

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Great start!

I must say I’ve never seen a story quite like this before. The reaper character is super interesting with a lot of mystery, I can’t wait to find out more about him and the rest of the characters. The dark tone is established right away and carries throughout the first few chapters, allowing for great continuity in that respect. Overall great job! Can’t wait to see where it goes from here! :)

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Iconic!

This story gives me strong handmaids tale/1984 vibes while still being incredibly original and compelling. The writing and concept pulled me in from the very start, and I can very clearly imagine this world and the characters that inhabit it. The idea of "perfects" and the other categories feel like they could be as iconic as the term "handmaid" or "martha" in handmaids tale - it's a really compelling way to segregate the society in this story that gives the reader a clear idea of how society works in this story. Honestly I can't find enough good things to say about this. I think that this story could one day be in the same conversation as other famous dystopias of this nature like handmaids tale and 1984. I am so hooked on this story, it's so well written and I can't wait to see what happens next. Fantastic job! :)

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What happens next??

I'm officially hooked on this story! The writing style is simple and easy to follow, while still containing enough detail for me to clearly visualize what's going on. The characters are also very well defined and easy to imagine. The love triangle storyline is a little predictable at first, but I must say I did not see some things coming and the plot is keeping me on my toes! I can't wait to see what happens next, great work! :)

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Love this!

This is some fantastic world building here! I can tell you've really taken the time to flesh out the world and it makes it very well realized. The details and rules of the world make sense (something that isn't easy to do when you're creating an original world - I know from experience) and make for an incredibly enticing story and world. The characters are well defined and there was ample detail to give me a clear picture of what was happening without having these details be overwhelming. My only critique is to watch your grammar and tenses, but this is minor in the grand scheme of things, and it didn't pull me out of the story while I was reading. Overall really well done!

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YES!!

It is so cool to see a werewolf story that isn't the typical romance/erotica storyline! This was such a cool and original idea and I love that you really leaned into the dystopian aspects of the plot to make the story feel fresh and enticing. This was very well written also, with good, thorough descriptions that immersed me in the fantastic worldbuilding and great characters without it being overwhelming. I couldn't put this down! Overall a fantastic story that I will for sure be recommending to others, especially those who are sick of the traditional werewolf romance story. Well done! :)

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Loving it so far!!

I’m loving this so far! The characters feel authentic and their conversations and interactions feel very natural. The writing style is great too, being detailed enough to allow you to imagine what’s happening but not so detailed that it becomes overdone. Overall really well done, I can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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Intriguing start!

Great job setting up the premise and suspense, it makes me want to keep reading to see where it goes! Only critique I have is to watch your grammar, but it's minor. Overall very interesting concept, I haven't read a lot of books like this and you have peaked my interest! Can't wait for the next update! :)

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Cuteness overload

I love everything about this story! I couldn't put it down. The writing style seems to perfectly straddle the line of being easy to follow without being too simplistic, which really works for this kind of story. Even if the concept is a little predictable, it's so cute that I didn't mind, and the author added enough originality to it to make the story interesting and adorable. Loved it!

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Great!!

What a cool idea for a novel! The characters are well defined and easy to imagine, and I’ve never seen a concept quite like this before and held my intrigue all the way through as you find out more about the characters. Grammatically, just watch your use of tenses and make sure they’re consistent. Overall a unique, interesting concept with great world building and characters. I can’t wait to see what happens next!

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Well done!

Loving this so far! The characters are defined but have the perfect amount of mystery surrounding them to build intrigue and make you want to keep reading. Writing style was great and easy to follow as well, keep it up, I can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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Great characters!

I love Cynthia! She is very relatable and a great protagonist for your story, I love how sassy she is! As well I love that she's a scientist, I feel like girls in science (and especially those that go to MIT!) in romance books is uncommon, so it's awesome to see and it keeps your story unique and fresh. My only critique would be to keep an eye on your grammar, but otherwise I really enjoyed it! Keep it up!

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