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Great but show me, don't tell me


I loved this. The one suggestion I would make is to show me, don't tell me. E.g.

"Now look at your skin / It is beautiful / You are beauty pure."

It might be better to use more evocative imagery and language to make me feel, i.e. truly comprehend, the pure beauty, rather than telling me it is beautiful.

My two cents - keep writing!


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