McGonagallsBola

Great Piece

I really liked this piece. It fits within the theme well in a way that I couldn't compete with even if I tried. You pulled me in with this story the way I like and definitely applaud. I felt the need to read more, know more of the twins, to check if my suspicions of how the story was going to develop were true. I felt how my heart rate increased with new plot twists in the tale, which, to me, shows of a talent. No wonder that you have the most votes so far!

I feel like your sentences flow very well, and I enjoyed the descriptions a great deal. There were quite a few commas missing, though, and a few typos, and, as a beta and known nit-picker, I was a bit annoyed -- especially because I feel it does touch upon the quality of your work, which is otherwise very high-quality for flow and plot, as well as general style. If you could go back over your chapters and just fix the typos and missing commas, it would definitely raise your tale to the next level, again.

Well done.