McWillis

Whimsical

The very fairy tale-esque first paragraph speaking of a forbidden forest outside the city walls was certainly a great hook. I felt this first chapter did a fine job of setting up the plot and introducing us to a lovable, spunky protagonist. It is clear what Pan wants and what is at risk should she fail on her mission. It is also clear that she is ten years old, based on her thoughts and actions. Besides a few run-on sentences that are easy to miss, I saw no issues with grammar. I look forward to finding out what happens next in this magical tale.