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Pretty good

I really liked the beginning and that we are part of the character. I would suggest though, for when the character talks to the self to use cursive. It stands out and is easier to follow.
The first chapter was also very long, maybe you could make a part one and part two out of it. Then you can release more and it doesn’t take too long to read for slow readers like me.
In a grammatical sense, there are mostly commas missing. A tip for commas, is that you read it out loud, or in your head, if there is a pause you put a comma there.
Don’t give up!
I’m also new here and it also took a really long time for me to have the courage to put out some of my stories.

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Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.