I was so excited to read this story, so I feel bad saying this but that was horrible and it makes me feel so sad because the plot is pretty good. You have a great storyline going for you, but everything else was a disaster. I’ve never had to concentrate so much while reading my head is literally spinning. The grammar is all over the place, the sentences make zero sense because the English isn’t proper. It’s like those videos where people try to make a recipe that’s been translated 20 times.
Read the story now
I read a whole chapter and understood nothing from it because it made no sense, the words used were wrong and it’s just not cutting it. Bad English = Bad story
This has the potential to be a really great story, but it needs WAAAYYY more development and backstory. The way you just randomly threw that she was an orphan at the start makes no sense and then the reason behind it and her father’s death and u didnt explain her family and financial situations properly. They were barely mentioned in passing and that’s it.
If you get a team of editors on this and manage to fix all these problems, you’ll have an excellent novel. I hope you take the criticism and use it to you advantage. Good luck ❤️