It has potential to be a real page turner
Ok, so I gave you a lower score for technical writing skills because if you want to get this published you will need someone (clearly not me- see how bad my skills are?) to edit it for you.
Read the story now
I really liked it up until about the end. It was extremely exciting and interesting and I was wondering how is this going to end? And the way the end was presented felt like we had skipped the climax. It had gone from showing to telling there. That is just what I thought.
I would recommend it to others because it was a page turner kind of experience and I am sure with a few tweaks, that could last all the way through. Also, I know how much work you put into this and I want to help snag it for the libraries after you get published.
I think you have developed characters and you manage to balance their voice, especially in the beginning of the book. It is a good first novel and has the potential to be a great first novel.