Althea Rose

SO GOOD!!!

So good!!!

This concept is amazing! I love the idea behind this story. It's an original idea and you do a wonderful job of bringing it to life realistically in my mind. The imagery, the language, the concepts... It's all so good! I would read sequels to this! I need to know more!

But also... What. THE FUCK, dude.

Firstly, that was a dick place to end the story at -- RIGHT BEFORE the hot, steamy, sexy stuff you'd been building to since chapter 5??! Are you KIDDING me?! Talk about cock blocking and giving me blue balls, ugh! (I am laughing while writing this, I'm not actually mad).

Secondly, are you fucking with the readers on purpose? Your use of grammar and descriptive writing indicates to me that you are well educated and versed in creative writing. So, why THE HELL do you keep using "fastly" instead of "quickly?!?!!!" That was driving me BATTY! All throughout the book, this was the biggest and almost the only grammatical error I saw (minus some awkward phrasing or wording here and there). You used it SO MUCH too, "she fastly did this, she fastly did that," on and on. And you used "fastly" every. Single. Time. Instead of "quickly." I swear that you're fucking with the reader on purpose by doing that.

Overall, this is an amazing and thrilling read. You did a wonderful job of capturing human nature, the likely reactions of a human girl in her situation, and brought to life the concept of humanoid alien creatures from other planets in a realistic manner. I don't find a lot of reads like this on Inkitt, and I hope to read more of your work!

Great idea, execution needs works

I really like the overall story concept. I'm a bit of a nerd for these fantasy books, and in the werewolf stories a lot of them follow the same plot line. You found an original angle for this genre so that was refreshing to read into.

I think you could improve your work by being more specific with the plot. The devil is in the details. Some chapters feel like you had a general idea for how the plot needed to develop, but you rushed through the chapter, causing it to feel awkward and incomplete. Part of a good story in my opinion, is getting into the nitty gritty. For example, why was King Dante mad at Kind Sawyer for "ruining his life?"

Why does Walter hate werewolves? How did the humans lose the war? What is the history between the two kings? Are all vampires power hungry and cold like King Dante, or was Dante an exception? How do vampires find their mates? What is vampire hierarchy and culture like? A lot of stories written about werewolves give you a brief description of the general "rules" of the story world so you understand how that universe works, why things are the way they are, and since vampires are a new element here it would be nice to hear about things from their side of the aisle. These types of questions are just a few examples of elements you could add to your story to give it more depth and organic volume.

Lastly, grammar and punctuation, at least in my opinion, are SO important. They are the presentation of the meal so to speak. You have a delicious story here, but it's kind of watered down and less satisfactory because the reader has to guess the tone of the characters, the mood and the climate of the conversation, and guess what the spelling should have been. Just improving your grammar and punctuation alone would improve your story by a large margin.

Overall, this story is good and had major potential to be much better with some minor improvements. I'm only on chapter 30 so I can't wait to see how it goes!

A Captivatingly guilty pleasure

This is the first time I've felt the desire to write a review for a story I've read.
For a short story, it was incredibly well written. Wonderful imagery, colorful language and vocabulary, and a fresh plot line I haven't read before. I really appreciate the authors ability to capture so much detail in such a short amount of time, it's a difficult feat to achieve. I hope to read more like this!