Ontha

Fixer upper

There isn’t any Chapter continuation which makes the book seem messy and unthought of. Makes it feel like there’s plot holes - so it jumps from one scene to the next without giving us thoughts and fillers as to why she’s here when she thought to go there and how she got there. Each chapter and scene has to have a motif behind it and reasoning that flows into one another to make the book complete, right now it’s not feeling like that. Last i remember reading was Rane falling asleep after her heat then now she’s in a new pack talking to an old Alpha leader without the readers knowing when and why she’s there, how she got there and why she chose going to that pack leader. However, I love the book and how you thought of it, and the plot so far, but i’m finding it hard to read because it’s confusing and lacks detail - like where are they? what are their surroundings? can they shift? what makes an omega? are they born omegas or given the title cause when they’re born they deemed as weak? what’s the connection between Alec and Rane? Where are Rane’s parents? What tribes make up this society? as the author your book should be able to answer those questions hassle free and refrain from making large jumps between chapters and scenes. Make the book cohesive. I love to leave constructive criticism and this is my best case - I am hoping you get what i’m trying to say so that you can edit and bring out the best that I see of the book. Try reading the book “Maliha” by Layla-A-D and see how she makes the book of fantasy and tribes her own and makes the chapters flow into one another. Thank you.

Potential

I’m on chapter two and so far finding the book intriguing. However your writing style is not up to scratch, you use basic middle school english to describe scenes, settings and emotions - which can get annoying and boring. And you give a lot of character information too early, give us drips and drapes along the way and not a lump some in the first chapter already, let the climax build. We should’ve learned about her lost wolf in chapter five - then later the how she lost it. Maybe in chapter 7 learn about how she met her companion. But for now let’s concentrate on the diction. So to help with this is to stray away from the heavy use of “I” “Me” especially if you’re writing in first person. Anyone reading this if you’re new to writing i suggest you write in the narrative point of view cause first person is daunting and harder than it seems. Back to the writing style of the author; Your paragraphs tend to get long. The diction of the description is off putting, example: “I could smell mold and...” “There was an escape not to far away from me...” cut it out, and rather have “The foul stench of mold and stale air told of the fact that i was being held underground...” or “The brittle and wearing door in front of me gave hope of an escape...” The book and description becomes way better. Use metaphors and personifications and diction that would appeal to the book. And i haven’t gotten far, but if you’re reading this and should any other first time author read this. SEMI- FORMAL TO FORMAL DIALOGUE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND. Nothing is more off putting than colloquial day to day dialogue unless needed in a book. I write this cause i see potential in the book, just needs tweaking, i could help if need be comment under this review to speak on me helping with editing free of charge, i’ll give you my email to talk further - i want to see this book do better and get awards.

Not Impressed

The book and the characters were cute and sweet. However compared to your book The Legend of Wrath, it seems mediocre and all over the place and uncoordinated - I solely believe it could be better. It could’ve been a great read but from the short chapters, the description of emotions, settings and people - it seemed hallow.

House Keeping

I love the book, however it could be cleaner and crisp to read. Let’s start off with your writing style, I’ve read your other books and you have a strong point when it comes to writing in Narrative/Third Person point of view instead of first person - we dwell too much in her thoughts, drags out for a while. Personally I wanted to scroll passed the unnecessary thoughts and get to the parts where it held more information relevant to the chapter and book. Next your paragraphs, like I stated, they are too long winded you can cut down on them; it made me feel as though I was in an endless word loop and ended up getting tiring and tedious, I felt the need to scroll passed and get to the dialogue. Writing tip for the paragraphs - keep them at about 5-10 sentences with important things relevant to the chapter or book, keeps the chapter moving and the book interesting and makes the reader what to continue reading. Following - your punctuation and spelling, not the greatest, the ellipse put in random places, the small spelling mistakes and the punctuation points thrown in randomly is personally off putting, I am highly sure we can do better; I need it to be better. Next stop on a high note, The Plot; it is perfect, the way it unravels is perfect in my opinion. It’s honestly highly appealing and the thing that keeps me reading. Last stop on a higher note, The characters- like the plot I really enjoyed them, they are the perfect mix of quirky and brooding. I’m still on Chapter Five, but with the characters and the plot I am loving it so far. However we can do better with the writing style. If you wish I can help you edit the book personally and we can republish it, no cost. I can work it for you and republish. Reply to this comment or post a message on my wall to get my email and we can work something out. I want it to do better because it is a really great book.

Rework the book

The overall plot is amazing, i can see it going far, but for young adults they act like kids just stepping into highschool. Get their characters correct, stray away from the cliché and remember to give your characters DEPTH, they are missing depth. There’s no character development nor consistent character traits. Rework this novel into a pristine peace and you’ll have yourself an amazing book, from one author to another. Please take my advise.

Phenomenal Read

The book plot. The characters and their development over time deserves a standing ovation. It’s been a good while since i’ve found an amazing book to add into my “Worth Remembering” reading list, which is a total of three book, four including this one. It was enthralling and had depth, i feel the pain of the female main character and with understanding, the blindness of the male main character. Keep writing more, i’d love to read your next work.

A big Thank You and a hope to see more books in the future.

I enjoyed it. It was amazing. My heart, at this moment, still feels what this book put me through and for that I respect you as the author and this book. And Isabelle was a lovely character, but I still am unsettled at the fact that Jackson slept with her and never apologized for it. And August's mother I wasn't a fan when August stated that Tammy was being nasty when she was trying to tell that she and Jackson had a son. I hope the author writes more in the future and I give this book all stars. Thank you.