Fun quick story
So I enjoyed the straightforward story. It jumped right in and got off the ground running.
Read the story now
I found the lore the most exciting and also confusing. With lore, I think it’s ok to be slightly unclear because people aren’t sure what they are facing.
Questions I had as the reader:
Where does this take place? It read like it takes place in India or Pakistan, and I would like to see some native language used. Instead of “sister fucker” use “ban-chod.” I think minor tweaks could make it more immersive.
Why breast on the backs? “Their bodies were beautiful, but the breast out their backs was grotesque.” Do they invert through their chest? This doesn’t need to be answered, but I found it to be a fascinating choice. (Is this based on actual lore?”
Did our main character grow up in the village and then move back after his education? How long has he been gone. Why did he bring a gun?
The last part is when the mother and sister are in the group of witches to eat him. I think making the main character more unlikeable would give his untimely death more enjoyment to the reader. Make him a jerk to his family when he wakes up. Otherwise I don’t see why his family would jump in to eat him as well if they were so concerned when he awoke.
Thanks for sharing