NathanBoeckman

Flowers

This isn’t the style of stuff I usually read. But the prose is nice and has a nice flow. The authors thoughts and feeling read well and come through strongly.

Hope to see more come out

I hope there is more

I thoroughly enjoyed this story and the authors style and voice. I was only going to check out the first chapter and found myself pulled in to read the entire story.

I don’t love the ending, but only because of the unknown and the need for answers. I hope there is more coming

Promising premise

I feel there is a lot of promise in what you are building but the pacing feels rushed. I think you could expand more and dive deeper into details, thoughts, even character history.

I’m no expert so thats just my humble opinion. Awesome start

Fun quick story

So I enjoyed the straightforward story. It jumped right in and got off the ground running.

I found the lore the most exciting and also confusing. With lore, I think it’s ok to be slightly unclear because people aren’t sure what they are facing.

Questions I had as the reader:
Where does this take place? It read like it takes place in India or Pakistan, and I would like to see some native language used. Instead of “sister fucker” use “ban-chod.” I think minor tweaks could make it more immersive.

Why breast on the backs? “Their bodies were beautiful, but the breast out their backs was grotesque.” Do they invert through their chest? This doesn’t need to be answered, but I found it to be a fascinating choice. (Is this based on actual lore?”

Did our main character grow up in the village and then move back after his education? How long has he been gone. Why did he bring a gun?

The last part is when the mother and sister are in the group of witches to eat him. I think making the main character more unlikeable would give his untimely death more enjoyment to the reader. Make him a jerk to his family when he wakes up. Otherwise I don’t see why his family would jump in to eat him as well if they were so concerned when he awoke.

Thanks for sharing

Keep going!

The flow of your narrative reads well. Double-check your spelling on a few things; I have the same issue, I use Grammarly, and it's a godsend for catching little mistakes. It will give a smoother read to your readers.

I am looking forward to more of the story.