I have no idea how anyone could rate this "story" with four or even five stars! I couldn't even read past Chapter 1, because it's so badly written - I have no idea what's going on. It's too rushed. The writer probably never took the time to think about what she was writing. She just did it. Which isn't a bad thing. When you can write, you just have to write - get it out of your system. But PLEASE take a few steps back, let it be for a few days, then come back to it, and go over it. Re-write what has to be re-written. Erase mistakes.
Read the story now
I'm really sorry to say that: But the rating isn't deserved. You have to improve yourself. Read other stories. That's one of the ways you learn how to write. And of course: Keep writing. But get some advice. Ask for help if you're unsure of things. No writer, who's taking that hobby/passion seriously, would laugh at you. Right now there are writers out there who are insulted. Because their work is actually pretty good, but stories like this one, where no one can tell for sure what is happening, or why we have to be reminded that she's putting on her bra and top, something with her trousers on bottom, sitting on her bed, seeing her parents picture - uh, what? You repeated it multiple times, like you just copied and pasted it over and over again. And that are mistakes you would've noticed if you had read your chapter for yourself before you posted it. You have to do that. All the time. Even published authors are doing that. Everything else is just a pain for readers.
I'm really sorry, because I do believe that you have a lot of fun writing. You just have to learn, to practice, and to improve.
The cover is nice though. Personally I would get rid of the crane - but that's personal taste.