NooriPassela

This is my writing space. It's an honor to share it with you. I'm here to hone my skills and share my work. Thank you in advance for the feedback.

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Review

I really liked the overall concept of the story: diary entries - almost like a chapbook - interspersed with poetry tell us a lot about what's going on in the narrator's mind. At first, I didn't understand how the POV of the sister mourning the death of her twin made sense with regards to the rest of the plot, but as I read the last few chapters and understood that these were in fact the twin sister's diary entries, everything came together nicely.

The writing in the diary entries felt very real and raw, as if it were autobiographical. I felt like all the writer's anger, pain, and sadness bled through the pages. I could easily imagine a young woman going through all of this. There were a few grammar, punctuation mistakes but I wonder if that was intentional, given the format of the story. The ending was quite heartbreaking, making me feel sad not just for the writer of the diary entries but her sister and those left behind as well.

Kudos and thank you for writing!

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Review

The plot is very interesting and fast-paced! It reminds me of a paranormal procedural and it works well in YA/high school setting. I'm enjoying getting to know the MC and the hints at her background, family, what we see of her school life, etc. I find the absence of her father and her mother's knowledge of the real reason behind it particularly intriguing, especially because I personally think it's linked to the sudden appearance of this group of students whose goal is to protect her (but then again, I'm also aware that I could be proven wrong and you probably have a twist hidden up your sleeve hehe).

One thing I would critique is that I feel like some of your descriptions of the character's physical characteristics are a bit shoe-horned in and tend to break the flow of the story. A suggestion I have going forward is to gradually include the descriptions through the character's actions, as opposed to just listing them within their respective introductory scenes.

Overall, I think this story has a lot of promise and looks to be very entertaining. Well done so far!

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Review

This story is so fast-paced and full of twists. I like how exciting it was because I genuinely couldn't predict what would happen next. It's like a high-octane mix of thriller, fantasy, action, drama, and romance. I haven't read anything quite like it.

Tara/Iden makes for an interesting character. Because of her memory loss, she and by extension, the readers, start off without a purpose but then that quickly shifts into a quest to solve the mystery of her new identity. And when she finds out she's Iden, she still has to make sense of her place in this crazy world she finds herself thrust into. That makes for a very intriguing story for a main character.

As for the other characters, I felt like some of them could be better fleshed out. Aside from her relationship with Gideon, I believe that the rest of Tara's interactions with the other characters could be built upon to give us a better sense of the story as a whole as well as provide clues to her ultimate role in it. This story has a lot of potential to be riveting, it just needs a bit of polishing in some places.

Kudos on your hard work and thank you for writing!

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