Watson

Canada

Writer. Reader. Historian Enthusiast.

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Beginning Remarks

Hello,
So a good start to this novel. I like the concept of the two different worlds and wanting to explore them. I'm wondering maybe the prologue should be more about describing the two different worlds rather than bringing the two boys in right away. That way the reader gets a sense of what the two worlds are really like and a description of them. Then you could move into the first chapter of what you already have. Just a thought.

I would also suggest to reread it and maybe read it out loud. I find that is the best way to make sure that sentences make sense. All in all, a good start. Can't wait to see what the rest of the story has to offer.

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

The Beginning

Hello, I saw your post on the introduce yourself group and read that you are a history buff so I knew I had to take a look at your writing. I am currently taking a history degree in university and so that is what lead me to your page. Anyway, I have read what you have and so far I like it. There are some spelling mistakes and grammatical errors which are easily fixable, like when Hauptmann says "is anyone still alive" it should be murmured not murdered. Anyway a good read through again can pull out these small errors and it makes your story even better then what it already is. I look forward to reading the rest when you post it! I hope this helps you!

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