Nsablo

New Jersey

26, A millennial who wants to share her work and just be carefree about it. I am obsessed with anything that has to do with the supernatural especially when it comes to my favorite animals, wolves.

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Wow very interesting spin

This a very interesting twist. I actually really like that you didn’t make the main character sweet and innocent. Making her a total bitch from the start really makes it interesting and it’s refreshing for me. Now, however, I am curious to see how you will create her character development. How will she change over time? What will make her change?

I am curious what you will do with it!

Keep writing!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Good Start

I like the plot of this story, however, the first couple of chapters were a little hard to follow but that can be fixed in editing. I am curious to see what happens next to the main character! My other suggestion is to look over your dialogue​ and grammar! Then you will be set to go!

Happy Writing!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Good Start

This is a good start and curious to see more!

I can definitely feel for the main character and would love to see how this develops. Be mindful of your grammar and sentence structure but I can easily be fixed!

Keep Writing!
-Nsablo

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Good so far


So far so good! I like where you are taking this story and curious to see more!

Just be a little mindful of grammar however but that’s an easy fix!

Keep writing!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Good Idea but I want more

I like the idea you took with the short story. I know it not supposed to be long but I felt that I didn't get all of the characters. They felt very flat and I wasn't sure about who they are as people as well as how important they are to the story. I had a hard time following the story because it didn't grab my interest like I would like it to.

I would advise rethinking this, flesh out your characters a bit more. But this is a good start!

Don't stop writing!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Love the idea

I love the story idea and I love what you are trying to do with it. But I want you to push yourself further and really think about who are your characters (they seem pretty flat). Ask yourself, why should the readers follow your characters to the end? I read the first few chapters and I don't have a sense of who your characters are and how can I relate?

Just a few tips to help you think as you write and plot! Keep writing!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Good Start

So far this is a good start, this story is definitely giving me Twilight vibes right now. I do like that you are taking a story troupe and making it your own.

My only suggestion to you is to go a little more in-depth with the length of your chapters just a bit, add more details, a little more dialogue, and maybe some background. Just so the story won't seem too flat for the reader and that the reader can become more hooked to it! Also,​ be mindful of your grammar and punctuation, you can use programs like Grammarly and Perfect it to fix that. No biggie!

So far its a good start, keep writing and practicing! I will keep reading to see how this develops!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

I want the characters to grow

You are off to a good start here and I am glad that you have taken something that has been done before to use on your own. But I would love for you to take it to the next level and develop your characters more. What's really drawing the professor to her besides her looks? How does this make your characters grow? So far, I feel that your characters are a little flat and I would like to feel for your characters as if they are real people.

So I hope this helps! Continue writing!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

I am intrigued

The first chapter is always the key hook to keep the reader interested. I think you have done that pretty well in the first chapter. The chapter left me wanting more and had an eerie feeling to it which I enjoyed. So good job with that!

My only critique so far is that I wish I has an eye what the main characters look like just a bit here. Not to get a full description but to sprinkle it here and there what they look like. I have an idea what the home looks like but I wanted to read a little more about the main female and male lead.

That is all! Good start! I will keep reading!

Read the story now

Public Reading Lists

No badges received yet

About Us

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.