Jordan la Fey

San Glucose

Gay trapped in a female body suffering from Hitler syndrome.

No published stories yet

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Of course you would pick Dr. Suess!

I love it. The technical terms, of course, took a while to sink in and place within the story. I wish I had more of an image in my head of the Guardians, and same goes for Kkae. I mostly pictured a horse, but with hands and venting in the side. The flashbacks were really good, but sometimes it felt as if they popped up at the weirdest times. You do love to write with flashbacks in your stories. Maybe a few tweaks here and there, and you will make the transitions appear smoother.

Holy crap you created a new world in such a short amount of time and it is awesome! A bunch of questions about the culture and the species - I got a glimpse that the Guardians were not too keen about outer space stuff, but these monks and priests were. Seems to me they have historic space travel and encountered other worlds, probably ours, and took back with them some words and cultures (unless priest is universal, along with nun.) There were a few spots that seemed worded weird, and if you want me to point those out later I can.

Other than those random thoughts, your story made me think and play around with everything there. That is what a good piece of art does - leaves you wanting more. I want to see this win!

PS: Apparently this site also has the fan fiction Twilight BDSM story that was the start for 50 Shades Of Grey. Who knew? Totally not touching it with a 20-foot pole.

Read the story now

No badges received yet

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.