PaulMitting

Needs some polish but a good start

The writing style is pretty fluid, giving the reader a good sense of the main character's thoughts as the events unfold. More details about the location and Polly would help me visualise her world better, but I know that is hard to achieve in just one opening chapter..
Overall a solid start to what promises to be an interesting tale.

A short and brutal tale well told!

The story begins and ends on a harsh note, perfectly fitting the tale of Nathaniel the Sky Pirate. I found the characters and the world they inhabit well crafted in such a brief tale, testament to Trevor's writing skill.
He does need to edit the massive paragraphs into smaller chunks but the descriptions and dialogue are top notch. A great read and I look forward to more works based in this intriguing world.

Incredible world building!

Jace has a knack for creating detailed and believable worlds in just a few chapters, drawing you into an incredible story filled with nuanced and real characters. I like how he writes his descriptions of everything from people, places and scenes with deft strokes of the keyboard. The interactions between the main characters, especially the tricky parts like realistic romances, are handled skillfully as are the conflicts.
The story itself feels unique and the world his people inhabit feels familiar yet strangely new.
Reading this tale has been a rare treat and I encourage everyone to try just a few chapters - once you start you will want to finish it all!

Got me hooked after first chapter

Francesco has a writing style that I wish I could emulate. His main characters Tristan and Agatha become fleshed out in a few chapters and the world building is excellent. The ideas come thick and fast and after just five chapters I reckon he is crafting a brilliant Steampunk tale. Can't wait to see how it develops.

A damn fine start to an interesting premise

From the very start I found the characters engaging, the relationship between them seeming natural and relaxed as befits childhood friends. The world setting is still being established but I liked how the key elements were slotted into the narrative with little of the forced exposition you often find in alternate world stories.
Jace shows a lot of talent with his writing style and I am keen to see how this story develops.

Love the humour but the spelling is killing me!

I have to say off the bat that the humour in this story is brilliant. It is clever and makes excellent use of the author's geek credentials. The main character of Jenny is well thought out and she maintains her unique perspective all the way through which I liked.
On the downside the poor grammar and spelling was very off-putting to me. I am fussy about that kind of thing, even if I make the same kinds of mistakes in my own work. At the very least a writer should run a basic spellchecker and grammar checked over their work before submitting it.
That being said, this was a very enjoyable read and I will have to hunt the rest of the tale down on Wattpad.

Got me hooked but needs polish

I found the characters and plot interesting and the story moves along at a brisk pace. This is where I feel the main weakness lies - there needs to be more time spent fleshing out the tale before they find the bad guys and Atlantis. The moments where our hero reflects on his past and his motivations are a good indication that Dakota can develop a character, but more paragraphs have to be committed to this.

Great start to an interesting story

I like the premise of the story, with a world nearly overrun by cyborgs and a bare fraction of humanity still "human". Telling the tale from the main character's viewpoint is a style I like, especially since I use it myself i n many stories. It makes it more immediate to know what the character is feeling and observing, rather than a god-like external perspective.
There are a few spelling errors but overall I thought the writing style was descriptive enough without being too flowery or dense. A good start!

Quite an intriguing set-up

The set up to the story was good, especially for a short tale. The pay-off at the end felt less than it should be - I would have liked a little more revelation about what lay beyond the barrier. I know the idea of these kinds of tales is to let you form your own opinion so I can't be too harsh in my criticism.
Overall a snappily delivered piece of interesting prose. Well done.