My_Purgatory_Is_Paradise

4 things I need in my life to survive: My books (my oxygen), my gf (my heart), my music (my soul), and my friends (my shelter)

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WOW!

This is was good! It was so interesting!Good story! Keep up the good work!

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Hey!! I just finished the first chapter. Great start! Ready to read all the others! 40 wow that's a lot...

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DIANE

I read the first chapter. It was interesting. There were some grammar mistakes, but I don't judge. It was really good.

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Falling for Him

I just read the first chapter of this and it's great! I love the characters and the plot! I know I'm probably not the best person to give advice, but my editor/ friend once told me, "When you are writing dialogue, you should give the characters their own, separate paragraph". Let me give you an example: "Hey, how are you?" Jack said. (says for 1st person)

"I'm doing great!" Jill said, enthusiastically.

I'm not trying to offend you, but your story seems to have the characters speaking in the same paragraph for the same subject and you move on to the next paragraph for another idea/ subject, which is great for if the characters are doing something to add to the dialogue (like how they say it or what they are doing while they say it), but you should have the characters have different paragraphs if it is a different person speaking.

Also, for tags (he said, she said), you should tell the reader who is speaking if it is not clear. I suggest reading through it and if you are confused who is saying something, add a tag for who is speaking.

You don't have to do this but when it says "four months ago", you should add ... at the end.

Those are just my thoughts to make it better. Hope this helps.

-DarkPheonix

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