Great!
This is a great story! I love how well you go into detail and emotions of Capri, and Mel. You have amazing dialogue and overall it's just a thrill to read!
The only critique I could find is that some of the paragraphs should be separated. For example:
-"If Nia would have just let me take the car and drop her off early at work, I wouldn't be stuck with this idiot, she thought reluctantly sitting int he car to shut him up" (Chapter 1).
- It would flow better if that was separated from the rest of the paragraph, considering it changed view points, and that could quickly confuse some people.
Also, some of the paragraphs break spontaneously. For example:
-"He had to admit he was impressed by how
forthcoming she was" (Chapter 2).
-It's and odd gap and it throws off the flow of the reading.
Other than those, this story is fantastic!
Read the story now