NoteToSelf

Hello. Hi. Call me Ross. Just a dose of me can help. P.S. I am still new here so I maybe writing trash đź—ż Currently posting mini comics for my upcoming story, all drawn for the hype/entertainment

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Inmate #1374: Joyce

I will say that I was quite fascinated with the story. There are some nitpicks here and there, but we'll get into that later on.

To start it all off, I am fascinated how intriguing the story is because of how the writer uses their words precisely. The usage of words to describe and narrate every chapter grips me further into reading, and I liked it, and from the looks of it, looks like most people agree with me as well. The length of each chapter also satisfies my reading experience; it's not too long and it's not too short. Definitely a hooker. To add the fact that there are no technical difficulties with the grammar and usage of punctuation marks is refreshing to see and it proves to me that the writer doesn't just write what's on their mind and say "oh okay, this is done, I don't care" but rather, they handle it with great care and effort. The writing style, I'm not going to analyze it very critically, but it is wonderful and fits the narrative; definitely consistent as you read from one chapter to another.

Now for the whole plot of the story, it may be a hooker, but I was little disappointed with the story. Maybe because I had no idea that this would be a short story due to the lack of knowledge or maybe just overseeing the notes/notice/messages by the author, but, without any bias, the ending or the overall story was unsatisfying. There were noticeable plot holes and it was left unanswered. The construction of the characters' personality, especially the main character, feels one-sided and doesn't really explain the character's whole motive. Like for example, what is the main character's motive as to why she acts like that? Why does the character act the way she is in the first place? What made her decide such actions? It didn't go deep into the mindset of the characters, and therefore, makes it unsatisfying for me when it reached the end. It all felt flat. A commenter once said in one of the chapters if "are we supposed to feel pity for the main character or the opposite? What is the main character's purpose in the story? What is the story or the message of the story is trying to imply to the readers?", and it got me thinking because of how it does fit the whole narrative with such flat personalities. If the author's motive is to make the main character as the "anti-hero" in the story, then clearly, I do not understand why it is as it is as the explanation for the character's actions or motive didn't seem to be fleshed out much.

Now, since it is technically a short story, I have to consider some things, but I think this, as a short story, seems to be quite lacking in giving a powerful impact. I suggest that, next time, the plot should be taken with more consideration and should try to answer some of the questions to not make the readers feel like it's lacking, unless if the author's intention is to leave the questions unanswered. If the author does imply that, I think I suggest to fix the flow of the story more to make it not look like it's forced to be like that. Everything in the story should have a purpose and should be given a purpose to make it lively. From my point of view however, I think this story would be better if it was a novel rather than a short story because of how interesting the plot is. Maybe it could explain more about the characters' backgrounds or even add more twists and turns to the plot to make it more intriguing and make the plot a little bit more complicated. Who knows, but other than that, those are just my suggestions.

Even if it lacks some things here and there, the story overall is enjoyable for a thriller. As a fellow writer, it was unexpected as to how intriguing the story is and how captures the readers so well into reading it. It was a wonderful read despite the flaws it has. I wish the author the best of the best! A great story overall!

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Twisted Fate: The Beginning

I am not a professional critic whatsoever, but I'll try to be unbiased and honest as possible. Let's get started.

Twisted Fate: The Beginning is a story about the lives of six children as to how they'll overcome the challenges in their current life. First, I think the plot was intriguing and could make the readers become hooked. With lovely multi-dimensional characters, it compels the readers without them being bored. Before I get into the characters, the plot, though lovely, was a little complicated to attach. What I mean by this is that, since the narrative goes from one character's point of view to another, the whole plot of the story seems ambiguous, not to mention that the ending didn't get to answer the questions readers were expecting as they read the entire story. The theme is dark as mentioned by the author, so, I'm not going to go deep into that. The author wrote the unsettling topics incorporated in the story quite well with extra care, however the six characters have no sense of connection still. Considering it is a series, I guess it's understandable to cut it like that, but if this was the whole story overall without any sequels, it would be disappointing as the ending felt unsatisfactory. Though, I am already sensing as to how the six characters will be interconnected with one another, so, I'll look forward to that in the second series.

The characters are a big factor for the story's hype. As aforementioned earlier, the characters are multi-dimensional. They don't feel flat and there are a lot of factors affecting their personality, meaning they're not forced to have a certain kind of attitude just for the sake of crafting a character. When reading the whole story, character developments were present and were beautifully-written. The flow of the characters' developments were consistent and it built up tension resulting an alteration of character in an eloquent manner. You can get easily attached by the characters because of how they were written. They all have different personalities that can easily be distinguished from one character to another, and I find that as a good sign for creating characters for a story.

Next, the dialogues and the way the author wrote the story set up the whole intrigue for me. The author conveyed the emotions in their writing with great impact that can make the readers swirl in overwhelming amount of emotions and feelings, from frustration, disgust, fear, sadness, happiness, and more. The tension of the dialogues and the flow of it all were well-written. It was not too fast and it was not too slow; that set up some satisfaction whenever you finished reading a chapter. They portrayed the scenes excellently and have executed it quite well, either if it's melodramatic, neutral, or happy. The only thing that bothers me is sometimes, the flow of the story feels inconsistent because of how the narrative was written.

The author used head-hopping to tell the story, meaning the story was narrated through the six characters' point-of-views interchangeably. I admire the author for being courageous in using head-hopping as a way to tell or present the story, but there were problems when the author applied it to this kind of the story. It sometimes felt confusing or unsatisfying when you're reading a chapter in the eyes of one character but then you're pulled off into another character in the next chapter because readers would be attached by a certain character narrating the story and will be confused when it changes to a different character in the next chapter, especially since most of the time, the next chapter is unrelated to the previous chapter considering we're now reading the life and current situation of another. And since the views are in the eyes of six children, the writing tends to "tell" more than to "show". In my opinion, I think a third person point-of-view would have been more effective here, but since the author already chose what it is, I guess the author could've executed it better. So, for future writing, I suggest the author should dive deep into these different point-of-views and consider some things here and there if whether or not it would fit the overall story, or analyze and observe the consistency of the story if they really want to portray a certain point-of-view to their likings like head-hopping. But despite that, I adore the author's skills for writing in this kind of format. The sheer difficulty is vivid yet the author got past that! They put all their effort in writing this story, and I respect that.

Overall, even if there are some bits here and there that seem tacky, the story was outstanding. It's professionally done well and it's refreshing to read a story like this as most stories nowadays tend to focus on romance or any genre with typical cliché plots and/or generic storyline, so, I would like to recommend this story for people who would want to read something new and get past the eye-rolling "popular" stories. There are a lot of things I loved during my time reading this story, and props to the author for a job well-done. Truly a wonderful read, and I hope the second series will have a big improvement to continue and tell the whole story.

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Darker and Twisted Poetry

To start off, the theme of the poetry is as simple as it is, “darker and twisted poetry”. The poems have dark tones that creep up every once in a while through different forms; from anxiety to depression. The message is simple and pretty straightforward that keeps a sense of “relatability” to the readers as the poems bring out the raw emotions the writer is trying to give. However, because of how raw the emotions are in every poem, the poems tend to be very cliché. It felt more like a diary than per se a “poetry book”.

Most of the poems tend to be repetitive in giving out the message, and while the theme is basically as what the title of the book intends, it could’ve cooked these raw emotions a little bit more. The usage of metaphors can be seen in many literary pieces already, and even if a certain metaphor was used by the author, it could’ve modified it a little more by using more intricate and powerful words that can describe the feeling much more effectively, not to mention the lack of rhyming and the format of the poems where every sentence is somehow cut off and be placed as another line in a poem doesn’t help much as it is a bit difficult to read. And so, these lack of rhymes, or even if the poems were lacking rhymes, the emotions are too raw that they don’t give too much impact; figures of speech were too absent. For comparison, it’s like writing “I’m too sad, I want all of this to end, when will it end”, ending it as it is and put it as a poem. There’s no adrenaline or lines that can make you hook because of how generic it is.

While the review is not trying to invalidate the author’s feelings—as people have their own rights to interpret and share out their emotions through artforms of any kind—what I recommend for future works is that the author should try and experiment more with different kinds of figures of speech to translate that as a form of message to the emotion they are trying to share in a poem so that the emotions can be cooked a little bit more and to make the poems more vibrant, producing a much more impactful work along with formatting the lines of the poems with careful consideration depending on how the author wants to deliver these lines. With rhymes or not, a dash of creativity with words and wordplays can help produce better lines of poetry that can encaptivate the readers’ mind and make them relate more with the poem, even if the poem has a specific meaning.

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The Lady in White

An honest... and long review of the story "The Lady in White" (Apologies if it's too long):

"The Lady in White" is a short story done by the all lovely Snoogums Boogums (the author's name, well... at least here on Inkitt). I want to start off with some of the nice things I find enjoyable about the story:

First, I enjoyed how short this is. It's easy and can be read in one sitting, and I think people would like these kind of stories where they don't have to waste hours and hours of time just by reading alone. I also appreciate the author's writing style. It's not complicated and it's clear nonetheless. The font that was used is somewhat interesting, and I was quite surprised by it. I was astonished about how the author can manipulate and utilize a different font than the usual default font Inkitt offers (which is Georgia), so, good job with that... or maybe my phone and laptop is broken, I don't know. I have nothing to say more about their writing style!

Let's move on to the plot and some of the downsides of the story:

The plot was not as great as I thought it would be. Though, I was a little shocked after reading the whole story, but in the end, it was not as impactful, and the only reaction I could give is a little "oh" and nothing more. It disappointed me because I thought there's something more to the story. The pacing is not as good too because it felt a little rushed along with the switching of point of views from one character to another which I find confusing, especially at the last chapter because I had no idea who was talking from there, and I have to analyze who was talking there before moving on. The story has some potential though, but I guess the problem here is that the author didn't give the plot much thought. So, I'd like the author to give consideration to the following suggestions:

- For a short story, try and think of a plot that can somehow amuse the readers; a plot that is interesting and can give out more impact. A plot twist perhaps is a good example of this. I can see that the story is trying to execute that kind of technique, but it was too generic and uninteresting. Maybe you could try something more intriguing like, for example, when the family is driving to go for an outing, maybe they'd find themselves driving to the girl in white in the middle of the road by accident, and so, maybe they cussed her out, saying that she should watch where she's going. Then after, you could give hints or foreshadowing about the girl in white, leading up to the resolution where the family will find out the truth about her, and that, the girl is looking for revenge because of the things that the family did wrong to her. Maybe the books that were mentioned has some sort of symbolism and connection with the girl in white. Isn't that more interesting? This is just an example, so, it's not really a "great" plot, but you get the point. Be creative when writing a plot for a story, but you have to think through it properly for a much interesting and enjoyable read! Even if it's a short story, if you want to have a generic and simple plot, try and write an interesting take that people don't know of yet. So, get wild and be flexible when constructing plots! That's the fun part about writing! With practice and experience, you can execute impactful stories, even if they're short!

- I can see the story is full of switching with the point of views of each character, but I suggest the author should start out sticking to one point of view for now because "head hopping" (the term used for switching POV's from one character to another or more) can be hard to do if it was not done properly. Execution of this is difficult, especially if you want to write the POV's of many characters at once, because we have consider the readers point of view as well. Will they understand the story clearly? Will they find it enjoyable to read? Will they find it annoying every time I switch POV's in a chapter? Etc. I appreciate the author for doing this kind of technique in this story, but it was too rigid, so, I suggest to stick to one POV only for now. Maybe write a story only in Narrator's POV, it's common for most stories after all. If the author really wants to write stories with the "head hopping" thing, then practice is all I can suggest. Try and experiment with it and analyze if some things are good and some things are bad. It's the author's decision after all!

Lastly, the grammar is average, meaning that there are some mistakes here and there, but that's okay. We're not perfect, so, it could be improved with time. The only thing that's bothering me is the punctuations. It's over the place sometimes, especially in the dialogues, like for example, in chapter 4, it goes something like:
"Dad are we there yet?" Van asked (Should have comma= "Dad, are we there yet?" Van asked.)
"No baby, not yet" I replied. (Should have a comma at the end of the dialogue= "No baby, not yet," I replied)
"John, she's asking us not to go furthermore." Said Corin. (Should be a comma at the end of the dialogue= "John, she's asking us not to go furthermore," said Corin.)

Those are just examples, but the only suggestion here really is that the author should do further research about the usage of punctuations when writing fiction. I'm not an expert at punctuations for fiction writing because there are some professional guidelines, so, I recommend to do some research here and there for improvement, especially for dialogue tags! Double check the draft if needed!

Speaking of dialogue tags, (a dialogue tag is like a tag at the end of dialogues, lol, for example "she said", "John replied", "I suggested", etc.), I suggest that the author should balance the usage of it when writing dialogues. I just noticed that the dialogues in the story are full of "she said", "he said", "I said", and whatever at the end of every dialogue, so, here's a tip for the author: In a story, when a conversation is clear enough for the readers, don't use any dialogue tag unless if there are some gestures you'd like to point out or if it's unclear as to who's talking.
Below is an example that is not ideal to write:
After dinner, I happened to find my friend doing something in the living room. I don't know what he's doing, but he seemed suspicious. Out of curiosity, I walked toward him and tapped his shoulder afterward.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"N-nothing," he said while his body was shaking.
"What do you mean nothing? You look suspicious," I said.
"I'm telling the truth!" he shouted.
"You're lying! I just saw you doing something earlier," I replied.
"So? It's none of your business!" he yelled and pushed me away.
"Boys, what's happening?" my mom interrupted.

Like I mentioned, if it's already clear as to who is talking, ditch the dialogue tags unless if you want to clear something out or want to portray their body gestures (but don't overdo the body gestures too much and focus on the story. Only use them if it's necessary or important.):
After dinner, I happened to found my friend doing something in the living room. I don't know what he's doing, but he seemed suspicious. Out of curiosity, I walked toward him and tapped his shoulder afterward.
"What are you doing?" I asked and raised an eyebrow.
"N-nothing," he replied in panic. His body was shaking a little.
"What do you mean nothing? You look suspicious."
"I'm telling the truth!"
"You're lying! I just saw you doing something earlier."
"So? It's none of your business!" He pushed me away.
"Boys, what's happening?" my mom interrupted.

I don't know if this is helpful or if the author will care about the review because it's too long, but I'm hoping that somehow, they will take this with a grain of salt. I love the author's writing and I appreciate their hard work and dedication in writing because writing in general is difficult as hell. Not many people wishes to write stories, so, I wish the author the best of the best to give themselves a pat on the back for sharing their stories to the public and for a job well done! I'm rooting for them! :D

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The Back Benchers- Series 1

An honest review of The Back Benchers:

The Back Benchers, to the best of my knowledge, is a fan fiction story as the characters are based off of real life people, mainly artists like Selena Gomez, Ariana Grande, etc.

Although I don't listen to the artists mentioned in the story, for a fan fiction, the story is humorous and I think it has potential even if it's just a fan fiction. Scrutinizing the story, the plot is average. It's intriguing, though it's just like a normal fan fiction. Maybe I'm being biased because I'm rating the plot with my opinion, but I think the people who listens or is a fan of one of the characters in the story will enjoy this... maybe. Because, the grammar seems fine, though there are some mistakes here and there, they're only minor for the most part, however, the writing is odd and is kind of mediocre because it seems that the author is writing scripts in every chapter rather than writing a story book. The idea is interesting, but I don't think it's ideal to write a story like this, fan fiction or not. The readers might find it annoying, so, if the author is somehow planning to write another fan fiction, I suggest to avoid this kind of writing.

Overall, I rate the story 3/5 stars. There are some good things in the story, but I did not like the reading experience. I wish the best of the author's endeavors!

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The Maelstrom

An honest review based on where the story is currently at (Chapter 6)

The Maelstrom is a captivating story that people should try and read, especially for the ones who like science fiction, because...

First, the characters are lively and fun. Their personalities, their actions, and their way of thinking were written well by the author. It doesn't go over the place and is vivid for readers like me. The main character wo is a woman has a strong personality, and I admire that. It's rare to see those in a story these days, or maybe that's just me. Although fun, the author balances their interaction to the world competently by well-thought-out writing.

Speaking of writing, the author knows how to play its game. Their writing skills are amazing and are being used wisely. No grammatical errors whatsoever and the author always plan the story concisely and carefully. This is what makes the story so intriguing.

The plot is also something to look at. Normally, some people find science fiction stories "boring", because, let's face it, it is "science fiction" after all, this includes me. But as I go on, the writing, the characters, the skill the author gives and portrays are astonishing that makes me want to read the story more. Really captivating!

For now, I will give the story a 5 out of 5 stars, and I'll give the plot a rating of 4 stars because, since the story is still at the beginning, the plot is still not "getting there" but rather it's just starting to build itself up. I can't give it 5 stars if the story's not done yet! That's all! Wonderful story! Great idea for a science fiction genre!

For a few recommendations or maybe expectations to be considered, I just hope that as the story goes on, it doesn't have any of the clichés most science fiction stories tend to give. I suggest that maybe the author goes pass that and try to add some dazzles in the story that makes it unique than the cliché sci-fi stories nowadays, although, I think the author is aware of this based on my observations of their writing since they plan the chapters very well that it doesn't look bland and boring. That's all. No pressure to the author. I'm just hoping that they know what they are doing for the story and its storyline or plot overall along with the characters' personality. It's their decision. They are writing it with all their love after all! That's what makes this writer so inspiring!

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Poems From the Heart

Great poetry!

Emotion that the writer portrays are raw and it definitely came from the heart. As someone who writes poems as well, I admire these kinds of work.

I'll be honest, the writing is not my kind of tea. I guess because it lacks figurative language like the usage of metaphors, similes, personifications, etc. and with this, the message of the poems just seems dull and it doesn't have an impact on me.

Maybe the writer is new to poetry, HOWEVER, if this is how the writer expresses or portray his feelings, then I don't mind it at all! Who am I to judge someone's art? If they like it the way it is, then every aspect of it is fine, even if they are new to it or not. Overall, even if I dislike the writing style, the poetry as a whole is great and it expresses the feelings that the writer wants to portray. Hoping to see more poems of the writer in the future!

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Forget Me Not

A quick note: this review would be a long one, so brace yourselves.
Anyway, let's get started!

Firstly, the plot has an interesting flow and it's not predictable. Based off of the previous comments that I've read, they did say that the story is kind of reminiscent off of "Alice in Wonderland", if I stand by correctly. Personally, I don't like these kind of genres, however, because of the writer's astonishing writing skills, it made me captivated and embrace the story even if the genre is not one of my likings. That's pretty neat if I would say!

Next up is the take on the characters. The characters are on-point and well-written. They interact well with the surroundings as well as the characters around them that makes the story more intriguing and lively. An excellent take!

We already know that the book cover is superb, so, I'm not going to look into that. The grammar and punctuations are in good shape, so, that's good! I guess the downside of this story is the writing style of the writer. The writer uses a lot of words that are not as common for people to use. In other words, the usage of "deep words" or the lack of "Layman's Term" to describe such words. Considering that the characters are in a world full of "royalty" with kings, queens, princes, and princesses alike, I guess it is reasonable to use such deep words, however, I think it could be executed better because using an excessive amount of it can make the narrative somewhat confusing, making the message "not get across".

Overall, if I word describe the story in one word, I would say the word "royal" or maybe the word "magnificent". This story is a must! It's one of those stories that can be published. Good work! It's worth a try!

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Preserved in Ink

I don't know how to write a review to be honest 🤓, but anyways, let's get to it! (This review is based on the latest chapter, specifically chapter 7)

First off, the plot is something to look forward to. It's not predictable and I don't know what will happen next. With this though, it makes you feel engaged to the story as you crave for more chapters to come... I guess is a strong word, huh?

Second, the writing is good to the point that it feels "realistic". This "realistic" feeling is not like the others where it just feels boring because of it. Yours on the other hand, is completly the opposite of that, and that what makes the story engaging! The humor, the drama, and the interaction between the characters are superb, and I know that all of those will improve more as the story continues.

Third is the downside of the story. Although everything about the story is great, what bothers me the most the punctuations. It seems that you fluctuate between the usage of periods (.) and commas (,) in every dialogue. For example, you did it like this:
"Mimi, you're very talented." She said.
When it's supposed to be like this:
"Mimi, you're very talented," she said.

Just a tip here, at the end of writing the dialogues of the characters, you use commas (,) to indicate that the sentence is incomplete. For example:
"I feel tired," he whispered.
"I think the answer is A," William, my friend since middle school, hesitated.
Using commas are the most common, especially if a tagline like "he said", "she said", etc (I maybe wrong here because I forgot the name for those things).

On the other hand, using periods (.) indicate that the sentence is complete (or something lol). For example:
"You came here because of this? What a loser." After he said that, the room became silent.
You see the difference?

This might not be a helpful review, however, I'd hope that this might help you in some way or another for your story to improve. Try researching on how to write proper dialgues for more clariffications. Overall, the story is astonishing, the writing is great, but some punctuations here and there needs some polishing. A long review lololol sorry about that!

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