The plot of this is very enticing, dragging me in. I want to know so much more about the MC (also that blurb was the perfect level of sass). However, you're style requires some more work. Specifically, dialogue. While most of it is in the first person and thus in the MC's head that part is fine (other than some issues with punctuation), but when the characters are talking through text and voice there are issues. In its current form it feels clunky in its execution, not its content. I would suggest visiting some writing websites and seeing what they have to say on writing dialogue (I'm sorry I don't have any specific ones).
Read the story now
To end on a positive note, this story has a lot of potential and with some housecleaning in the mechanical department it could be great! Good luck !