rosie.pye

Wattpad author (same name) Check out my wall :)

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Great idea!

I think the idea is good and you did a good job, but I feel like it needs to be looked over one more time. You did a good job and it’s interesting, but you have a few problems in using different tenses and the spacing of your paragraph in the beginning is like cut off or something. Other than that I like it!

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Great!

A really good novel! I loved it! I can’t wait for more!

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Great start!

I love where you’re going with this, you captivated me from the very first chapter, that’s great! I would recommend looking over it one more time because you’ve a little bit of spelling errors, though. Other than that, I guess the only thing I can say is that you should end your chapter on a cliffhanger to keep a readers attention, but that’s just me nitpicking, nothing too big. You don’t have to do it, just a suggestion😊You did a great, and I hope you keep writing!

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Great story!

I love where you’re going with this! It’s a great idea and I hope you continue!

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Great Start!

You're story is very interesting so far, and leaves the reader hooked. I'm sure its audience is going to grow! I will say to review your chapters one more time before posting, since you have a few spelling and grammar mistakes. Other than that, keep writing! It's a very good idea!

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Amazing . . .

They were amazing, all the poems . . . I related to a lot of them and they really hit me . . . Great job and keep going!

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Great!

I LOVE the story idea! I think what you’re doing is a great start, and will definitely be waiting for more! I was hanging to every word, but still have a few tips of stuff that I noticed:

1) It’s not that bad but I noticed a couple of grammatical issues like not capitalizing in the beginning of the sentence
2) it was kind of confusing when you immediately switched between perspectives, so maybe add something like a dash to signal the change on pov

Other than that I think your story is great!

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I love it!

Very heartfelt and intriguing, it is a beautiful novel that makes me sad and want to read more! They story is very interesting and I can’t wait for more.

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Greatly written

The story so far is greatly written, with a strong sense of Mulan themes, and I love that! Is it based on her? The book seems really interesting, and I can’t wait to find out more about it and read the rest.

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Good storyline, but needs to be refined

Overall, I think it was pretty good, but I think it needs to be edited in terms or grammar and punctuation. I think you could do a better job in the overall character development, too. It feels like things are going a bit too fast. But it's still good, so keep writing!

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Amazing!

This really captivated me! I love the way you write, it’s so fluid and easy to read, and your figurative language to describe feeling and setting is really good! Amazing book, I hope you continue it :) 💖💖

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Great, but needs to be edited!

I really liked the storyline, it was very interesting, though this book seems like a first draft. The dialogue has a lot of grammar and punctuation mistakes, such as forgetting to put a period at the end before the close quotation marks. Your writing style is unique, and to be honest, but the type I like to read, no offense, but even so, I really thought the story was intriguing, just needs to be cleaned up a little. Also, an important point, you tell a lot of things directly, when you should be showing. For example, instead of saying that Perrie is strong and rude, show her being rude and show her doing things that would portray her strength. That’s just an example, but you tell a lot of things when you could be showing. I have to admit, it was a bit confusing reading, but I liked the story nonetheless. The turn of events was interesting! You just need to look over it again 😊

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Good start, but needs some work

To start off, when writing dialogue, don’t forget to capitalize the first letter of the first word in the sentence, and out the comma before the quotation marks at the end of the sentence. You have mistakes in comma usage and grammar and punctuation, so you might want to go back and edit the story. Also, the second and chapter the second and third chapter are exactly the same, and the first chapter has nothing written it. I think this story may develop into a good plot, but your technical skills need to be revised.

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Great start!

So I like the idea, I like where this is going, but there’s still a couple of things I want to say. Firstly, it’s very minimal, but there are a few instances where words are missing letters and one or two grammar mistakes, like I found two or three. Also, you’re very good at describing things in terms of setting, but your words are a little repetitive. I recommend using an online thesaurus, or just searching up synonyms to words you notice overusing. Plus, maybe you could work on describing emotions, too. For example, instead of saying the doll feels cold, say the cool surface tingled my skin, giving a chill, or something like that (that was off the top of my head, so that’s why it’s not that good lol) Other than this, I really like this book! It’s interesting, and leaves the readers hooked! Great job and keep writing! ❤️

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Good start!

So I think the story is really interesting, but you need to work on a few things. For example, the first chapter, in the italics when she was explaining basically herself, people don’t actually do that in real life. Also, don’t group together dialogue into one paragraph. Each time a new person speaks, untouched need to start a new line. Other than this, I think your plot is good and I like it! Good work and keep writing!

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Amazing!

The story itself is very interesting, and has great descriptions. I loved the plot and storyline, but there were a few technical errors. For example, you kept switching between present and past tense, and in the first chapter, it was third person pov, but it became first person, so you might want to look at that. Besides this, I think your story is a great read, just needs a bit of editing. Great work, and keep writing!

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Great!

Okay, so the book was really interesting, I enjoyed reading it, especially since I’m a big fan of Percy Jackson! I like where you’re going with this. I’d say grammar, punctuation, dialogue was all good, but there’s one thing you should know. When you describe things in first person pov, it often isn’t natural. This pov is supposed to be the mc head I guess, so be careful in making sure it doesn’t sound like a rant. It wasn’t a big problem, but it was there. I’m not saying not to use description, your description was great, but just be careful how you show it. Anyway, great book, and keep writing!

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Amazing

Your poems were great, I could tell the story of the person speaking them from the first one and the hidden meanings, from other actually. They really were great :)

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Amazing

I loved it❤️ it was a great book overall and I really enjoyed it. Would recommend 😊

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Great start!

So, I really like the plot, I like where this is going, but I do want to say to look over it and make sure that the sentences aren’t like run ins or whatever. Also, maybe since the chapters are so short, maybe make this like a diary thing and put the chapters together and make it in the format of a diary? Like a log? You don’t have to do it, just a suggestion. Either way, great book, and keep writing!

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Great start!

It’s a great start! I love the way you neatly describe things! Keep writing!

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Great start!

I love where you’re going with this, I just think you could fine tune it a bit more, then it would be perfect!

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Great, has potential!

So, I love the idea, I love the concept but;
When you start a new person speaking, it’s anew paragraph every time. If you have any books at home, look at the way they write their dialogues and stuff. Also, since this is a fantasy book, it needs more description; description of people, setting, etc. your story is really good, but for me, it just doesn’t flow naturally. I don’t know how to explain it, but I’ll try; when Drake gets up, you’d think he’d take in his surrounding. Describe the place when he wakes up, his feelings. Then, he notices the little girl. Don’t be offended my this review please, I’m only trying to help you❤️the best way to get better at writing in my opinion is the next time you read a book, not on Inkitt like a real world book, take note of the way the author writes as you enjoy the story. What part of their writing leaves you hooked? How do they sneak in description? How do they show the character and develop it? Don’t be discouraged by this review, your story is a good story, it just needs a bit fine tuning😊

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Great story!

It was really sweet and I’ll admit I’d do not expect it to be her father. The turnout was very heartwarming❤️ and I loved it! I will say to look over it one more time since you have very few but present spelling/grammar errors . . .

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Captivating!

I love the way you start the story, get the readers attention from the very beginning. The only thing I’d suggest is to maybe make the writing flow a little better, to review the part before publishing because of its very few but present grammatical errors, and to maybe add a teensy but more description. Other than this, great story and keep writing!

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Great Start!

Very good start! I love how you describe the setting and characters well. Your idea is very interesting, and you’ve developed a good plot. I will say to look over your last chapter that you had written one more time, though. It had a only a few errors in spelling. Other than that, great book and keep writing!

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Great story!

I love the idea! Over all it’s an amazing book and I hope you keep writing!

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Woah...

It was a great story a great idea and great book. I loved it! You did a very good job in creating it! Good job and keep writing!

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Amazing start!

You did a great job in creating a setting! You really have developed this story’s start, and I can’t seem to find any mistakes. Keep going and amazing story!

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Great!

Great storyline, but I have a few things. Firstly, you have a little bit of grammatical errors. Also, larke; I can’t figure out her personality. It seems to be changing through scenes, and it’s kind of confusing, for me at least. Is she rugged and tough? Or is she also emotional? Is she a tomboy? Also, in the beginning, the thoughts were a bit mature for a ten year old. Maybe bump it up to twelve or thirteen? Nevertheless its a great story! You did a great job in description and have constructed the story with great vocabulary! Keep up the good work and keep writing!

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This is literally the best . . .

I literally love this book. This idea is so new, and I love how you execute the book. It’s a very advanced type of writing style in my eyes, and I can’t wait for more of it! I hope you continue and don’t leave it on a cliffhanger! I would love to see what happens with her cancer and how he deals with it! I also love the different characters you have that have different backgrounds; great use of variety that gives the story a more advanced feel. Your writing Nd style is fluid. If I had to say one thing, I’d say that I found two or three grammar mistakes overall in the book, but that’s not a big deal. Please update soon!

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Amazing!

I love the storyline and the idea and everything! It’s a great book! Keep going!

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Great start!

This is a really good start to your story! So far you’ve nailed everything down, in my opinion. I couldn’t find any mistakes. It’a very interesting, and I’ll be sure to wait for more!

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Great Idea!

I love where you’re going with this idea for a novel full of short stories. The first story was definitely interesting, though I do have a few tips. Firstly, make sure to proofread because you had a lot of grammatical issues, and secondly, it was a bit confusing with the structure of the novel, so be sure to keep those two things in mind when writing in the future. Other than that, I think you’re idea is great, and loved the story!

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Greatly written

I love how greatly it is written. So far I have not found any flaws. The story is very intriguing and excellent. Can’t wait to finish it!

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It's great!

This is actually a really cool book! I love the idea, its very unique and new. Can't wait for the rest!

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