rosie.pye

Great idea!

I think the idea is good and you did a good job, but I feel like it needs to be looked over one more time. You did a good job and it’s interesting, but you have a few problems in using different tenses and the spacing of your paragraph in the beginning is like cut off or something. Other than that I like it!

Great start!

I really like the plot of the story! So far I haven’t seen any errors. Maybe a bit more tweaking in your writing technique (but only a bit) and this story would be perfect! I love the concept! Overall, great book and keep writing!

Great!

I think your plot is very interesting! Although, if I had to say one thing, be careful with info dumping. Other than that, I think you have a great story going!

Great!

The story is actually really interesting! I love where you’re going with the plot. If I had to say something, it would be to do more “show” and less “tell”. Sometimes authors create descriptions but only tell the reader instead of letting the reader experience it for themselves. You write descriptively, but you do too much telling. If you could learn how to show more, then I think your book will be great! Keep writing!

Great!

A really good novel! I loved it! I can’t wait for more!

Has potential!

So it’s a great book, but it needs a bit done tuning. First off, when you write dialogue, every time you start off a new quote with a new person, it needs to be on a separate line. The way you clumped it up in one paragraph with both the people talking made the book hard to read and hard to understand.
In your first paragraph where it says “feeling feels”, instead of saying that, you could say “the sensation of”. It’s best not to repeat words.
Other than this, I think that you have great ideas and your story has great potential, it just needs a bit of fine tuning, so keep writing! ❤️

Great start!

I love where you’re going with this, you captivated me from the very first chapter, that’s great! I would recommend looking over it one more time because you’ve a little bit of spelling errors, though. Other than that, I guess the only thing I can say is that you should end your chapter on a cliffhanger to keep a readers attention, but that’s just me nitpicking, nothing too big. You don’t have to do it, just a suggestion😊You did a great, and I hope you keep writing!

Great story!

I love where you’re going with this! It’s a great idea and I hope you continue!

Great Start!

You're story is very interesting so far, and leaves the reader hooked. I'm sure its audience is going to grow! I will say to review your chapters one more time before posting, since you have a few spelling and grammar mistakes. Other than that, keep writing! It's a very good idea!

Amazing . . .

They were amazing, all the poems . . . I related to a lot of them and they really hit me . . . Great job and keep going!

Greatly written

The story so far is greatly written, with a strong sense of Mulan themes, and I love that! Is it based on her? The book seems really interesting, and I can’t wait to find out more about it and read the rest.

Good storyline, but needs to be refined

Overall, I think it was pretty good, but I think it needs to be edited in terms or grammar and punctuation. I think you could do a better job in the overall character development, too. It feels like things are going a bit too fast. But it's still good, so keep writing!

Great start!

I really love the concept of this book! I think this will be very interesting :) I didn’t find anything wrong so far, so it’s going great. Perhaps make writing run more smoothly, I guess? Idk, it was kind of choppy, so make it more believable. Other than that, great story! Keep writing!

Great plot!

I think the plot of this book is amazing! I love the story itself and the characters. Although, I do think you have a problem in the writing aspect. Your grammar needs a bit of work, and you need to do more showing instead of telling. Also, sometimes the story doesn’t feel realistic. Granted we are writing fiction, but you still need to have some realism in the story so that’s it’s believable. If you can fix these things, I think your book would be perfect!

Great!

I like the concept you have, but I feel like a lot of the things you wrote were kind of unnecessary and slowed the story down. For example, telling us what he had for breakfast and the whole wake up thing is really cliche and not useful. Sure, if something different and life changing happens on the particular morning, it’s fine, but if it’s just the usual morning, it makes the story slow. Other than that one small thing, I like the way you write, it’s well done, and I like your characters, too! This story has potential, so keep writing!

Great plot!

I really like you’re idea and where you’re going with this! I do have some advice though; for one, you do a lot of telling, when you should be showing. It would make the story a lot more interesting if we experienced it instead of the writer just pouring all the information in us. Also, it seems as if you phrase things weirdly, but that may just be because you haven’t edited. Another thing is that not to add more than one punctuation. It’s a common myth that that’s acceptable, but it’s not. For example, don’t put two exclamation marks, or a question mark with a an exclamation. With that topic, use exclamations sparingly. One quote I like is; “if everything is urgent, then nothing is.” Only use exclamation marks when it is completely necessary. Other than that, I think you have a really good story going! I know it’s hard, but with practice, comes great writing. So good job and keep writing!

Good start!

Your book idea is really interesting, and your writing style is really nice! I do have to say, you do a lot of telling, when you could show. It’s almost like the main character is narrating her own story to the audience, when you should show her story instead. For example, you make it clear the Annabel and the mc are very close sisters in how you tell their backstory, but maybe it would be better to show their close relationship through their interactions. Other than that, I think your book is great and has a lot of potential. Good job and keep writing!

Amazing!

This really captivated me! I love the way you write, it’s so fluid and easy to read, and your figurative language to describe feeling and setting is really good! Amazing book, I hope you continue it :) 💖💖

Great start!

So I like the idea, I like where this is going, but there’s still a couple of things I want to say. Firstly, it’s very minimal, but there are a few instances where words are missing letters and one or two grammar mistakes, like I found two or three. Also, you’re very good at describing things in terms of setting, but your words are a little repetitive. I recommend using an online thesaurus, or just searching up synonyms to words you notice overusing. Plus, maybe you could work on describing emotions, too. For example, instead of saying the doll feels cold, say the cool surface tingled my skin, giving a chill, or something like that (that was off the top of my head, so that’s why it’s not that good lol) Other than this, I really like this book! It’s interesting, and leaves the readers hooked! Great job and keep writing! ❤️

Amazing!

The story itself is very interesting, and has great descriptions. I loved the plot and storyline, but there were a few technical errors. For example, you kept switching between present and past tense, and in the first chapter, it was third person pov, but it became first person, so you might want to look at that. Besides this, I think your story is a great read, just needs a bit of editing. Great work, and keep writing!

Great!

Okay, so the book was really interesting, I enjoyed reading it, especially since I’m a big fan of Percy Jackson! I like where you’re going with this. I’d say grammar, punctuation, dialogue was all good, but there’s one thing you should know. When you describe things in first person pov, it often isn’t natural. This pov is supposed to be the mc head I guess, so be careful in making sure it doesn’t sound like a rant. It wasn’t a big problem, but it was there. I’m not saying not to use description, your description was great, but just be careful how you show it. Anyway, great book, and keep writing!

Amazing

I loved it❤️ it was a great book overall and I really enjoyed it. Would recommend 😊

Great start!

So, I really like the plot, I like where this is going, but I do want to say to look over it and make sure that the sentences aren’t like run ins or whatever. Also, maybe since the chapters are so short, maybe make this like a diary thing and put the chapters together and make it in the format of a diary? Like a log? You don’t have to do it, just a suggestion. Either way, great book, and keep writing!

Great start!

It’s a great start! I love the way you neatly describe things! Keep writing!

Great start!

I love where you’re going with this, I just think you could fine tune it a bit more, then it would be perfect!

Great Start!

Very good start! I love how you describe the setting and characters well. Your idea is very interesting, and you’ve developed a good plot. I will say to look over your last chapter that you had written one more time, though. It had a only a few errors in spelling. Other than that, great book and keep writing!

Woah...

It was a great story a great idea and great book. I loved it! You did a very good job in creating it! Good job and keep writing!

Amazing start!

You did a great job in creating a setting! You really have developed this story’s start, and I can’t seem to find any mistakes. Keep going and amazing story!

Great!

Great storyline, but I have a few things. Firstly, you have a little bit of grammatical errors. Also, larke; I can’t figure out her personality. It seems to be changing through scenes, and it’s kind of confusing, for me at least. Is she rugged and tough? Or is she also emotional? Is she a tomboy? Also, in the beginning, the thoughts were a bit mature for a ten year old. Maybe bump it up to twelve or thirteen? Nevertheless its a great story! You did a great job in description and have constructed the story with great vocabulary! Keep up the good work and keep writing!

This is literally the best . . .

I literally love this book. This idea is so new, and I love how you execute the book. It’s a very advanced type of writing style in my eyes, and I can’t wait for more of it! I hope you continue and don’t leave it on a cliffhanger! I would love to see what happens with her cancer and how he deals with it! I also love the different characters you have that have different backgrounds; great use of variety that gives the story a more advanced feel. Your writing Nd style is fluid. If I had to say one thing, I’d say that I found two or three grammar mistakes overall in the book, but that’s not a big deal. Please update soon!

Amazing!

I love the storyline and the idea and everything! It’s a great book! Keep going!

Great start!

This is a really good start to your story! So far you’ve nailed everything down, in my opinion. I couldn’t find any mistakes. It’a very interesting, and I’ll be sure to wait for more!

Great Idea!

I love where you’re going with this idea for a novel full of short stories. The first story was definitely interesting, though I do have a few tips. Firstly, make sure to proofread because you had a lot of grammatical issues, and secondly, it was a bit confusing with the structure of the novel, so be sure to keep those two things in mind when writing in the future. Other than that, I think you’re idea is great, and loved the story!

Greatly written

I love how greatly it is written. So far I have not found any flaws. The story is very intriguing and excellent. Can’t wait to finish it!

It's great!

This is actually a really cool book! I love the idea, its very unique and new. Can't wait for the rest!